It's the Little Things

I remember walking down the side of the road in the torrential rainfall. I had the small German shepherd pup in my arms, but he was shivering so badly. I decided to put him inside my hoodie so that my own body heat could warm him up. I recall feeling so close to him. I could feel his little chest rising and falling as he laid his head exasperatedly against my chest.

He was wormy, cold despite how much I tried to snuggle him up against me, and looked so incredibly tiny in my arms. He didn't even look as though he could eat hard food yet. The confused gaze in his eyes told me how scared he was.

"I won't let you get hurt again," I promised him.

The vulnerable baby was barely six weeks old, yet he already had a story. Sometimes I wish he hadn't. He had been ripped from the comfort of his momma and siblings, left to fend for himself on the side of the road in a cardboard box. My friend had found him along with another male pup. This is sadly not a unique beginning for many dogs. Although the number has dropped significantly since the 2000's, approximately 6.5 million companion animals enter shelters each year. Over 25% of those are purebreds.

Although I knew it would be hard to raise a puppy with my schedule at the nursing home (working nights and over forty hours thanks to Covid), I couldn't help myself but to listen sadly to his story. My colleague held her phone up for me so that I could see the picture of him, and I remember freezing in the hallway. I knew I had call-lights to answer, but the alluring look in his eyes tugged at my heartstrings. I immediately fell in love.

Before I even met the little guy, I told her that I would take care of him. I couldn't talk myself out of stopping by Walmart on the way home, or even of going by her house the next day to pick him up. I wouldn't. I knew what it felt like to be alone and to feel like you're not loved. To feel like you're not good enough. My depression and anxiety had taught me so much about that. I didn't want this baby to feel that way, too.

When we got him and introduced him to the rest of the pack (a Dutch Shepherd named Blue and an American Shorthair cat named Chino), I was thrilled to see that he was happy to be with us. He did seem a little unsure about the cat at first, and the couch that seemed to tower over him, but he looked like he felt safe. Above everything else, that was what I wanted for him.

I named the German shepherd/husky mix Tobias, meaning "God's gift". Since he had such a challenging history, I had already prepared myself for the hurdles that we might come to face. Even still, I didn't plan on there being so many. We had to...

• Skip work, and stay up several nights in a row to hydrate and beat the Parvovirus.
• Learn about separation anxiety in canines (and more specifically in dogs with hard pasts)
• Explore and educate ourselves on stressors in dogs
• Realize that leashes were a no-no because Tobi has very much been hurt by them before.
• Car rides aren't fun, either...but sometimes we have to do those to keep us healthy.
• Figure out how to Tobi proof the house so that Momma would not consistently be depressed by destroyed furniture, rugs, cellphones, remotes, door knobs, etc...
• Enroll into BarkBox's Super Chewer program so that he would always have new toys to destroy-errr, play with.

So yeah. These two years definitely weren't easy for either of us, but were they worth it? They most certainly were, and I am so glad that I documented so much of our moments together. Although it was initially hard as he went through his anxieties and destroyed sooo many pieces of my furniture, I wouldn't have it any other way. I could not see myself without this boy beside me. He certainly has some issues, but who doesn't? Shouldn't we all be left on our own, if that is the case?

The thing about Tobi is, no matter how badly I'm feeling or how much my depression tells me I'm not worth it anymore, this boy reminds me that I am. His precious eyes look at me as if I'm the world. As if I'm perfect to him in every single possible way.

To be honest, we all need a best friend like Tobi. I hope you enjoy his story, and even more so enjoy the pictures of our time together thus far.

March 12th, 2020

Welp, I did a thing. Meet Tobi, everyone! His name is short for Tobias, meaning “God is good”. Fitting, right? Got this little guy from a friend and I am so happy I did. Raising a puppy will be hard work, especially on this schedule, but it’ll be worth it to see the beautiful boy grow up. I’ll always regret not having Blue as a puppy and being able to give him the puppy life he deserved...but I can give that happy puppy life to someone else, and Blue is helping me to do that. This little boy has been in our lives for about 6 hours and has already stolen both mine and Blue’s heart. No contest. There is always room for one more.

March 13th, 2020

Things I’ve learned since bringing Toby home (and in consecutive order as to how I learned them):

1. Meals are important. Take precautions. Tobi should be locked in the bathroom alone so he can eat his food without Teena interfering.

2. The second you put Tobi in the kennel so you can leave to work, he will commence to cry. Blue hates this and sniffs the kennel uncomfortably trying to figure out a way out for him to get his little brother out.

3. Bedtime is crucial. Take steps to make it work out well.

4. Baby Tobi will cry the second he needs to go to the bathroom. Listen. Get up. Don’t kid yourself into thinking Tobi will wait until you find your glasses and shoes (cause he won’t).

5. Baby Tobi will also cry the second he is not somewhere close to you, as he needs comfort and support at such a young age. Pick him up. Love on him. He is only preciously small for a short while and although it’s exhausting you gotta treasure these moments.

6. Tobi cannot jump on the couch. His little legs are too short so you have to lift him up.

7. Referring back to rule number 1, locking Tobi in the bathroom is also important for the protection of Blue’s food. Do NOT let him out before Blue is finished. Tobi actually can jump on the couch if he see’s that Blue still hasn’t finished his breakfast yet so don’t be fooled.

8. Early mornings are now definitely a thing. It’s a good thing I work days now.

9. Coffee cuddles are mandatory. Study cuddles are mandatory. Bill cuddles are mandatory. Cuddles are basically always mandatory.

10. Treasure these moments. He’s only young once.

March 13th, 2020

So Blue just walked over and hopped up onto the couch next to me. Toby saw him and got so excited that he came over and sniffed at Blue from his spot on the floor. He then summoned all the energy that he could into the back of his little legs, jumped up towards us, fell clumsily down, and wined until I brought him up. The second he went to lay down Blue high-tailed it to the floor.

The hurt in Toby’s eyes is real. He has given up on earning Blue’s affection today, I think. Poor kid.

March 15th, 2020

Tobi may actually be regretting his decision of coming home with me at this point.

March 18th, 2020

In a dark time of panic and unknown futures, there is one thing which is certain—that being the fact that this boy will wait 20 minutes for me in the bathroom until I finally get out of the shower. My dogs. 😂❤️

March 22nd, 2020

Please bask in Tobi’s cuteness. Most definitely a fitting name and reminder: God is good! ❤️

March 31st, 2020

Tobi is in trouble when mom gets home. Little rat. Not really. I’m just gonna love on him like always but seriously. 🤣

April 4th, 2020

I think that Tobi regrets coming to live with me now that he’s getting bigger. He’s the perfect size for a pillow! Blue won’t let me lay on him and will just get up and move, but Tobi lasted for about twenty minutes! 😂

April 15th, 2020

Tobi got put in timeout but look at Chino. Such a little punk. 😂

May 5th, 2020

Tobi did the saddest thing today. I went to put the leash on him so that he could go on a car ride with me and maybe even grab a snack. Fun, right? It would have been his first ride without his brother Blue.

As soon as he saw it, he started cowering away from me. I don’t know what awful thing he was thinking but I can’t help but think he may have believed I was taking him to dump him off somewhere. Like some little part of his mind doubted he was truly my furever baby. Like he was disposable. Like his time of fun, kisses, love and connection, and a full belly was over. It broke my heart.

No car ride for us. Just cuddles and kisses instead. My poor baby. Humans have not been kind to you but I will never leave you, sweet Tobias. You’re stuck with us! Blood doesn’t make a family, LOVE does. Pack mates for life. 💜💜

May 7th, 2020

I look like crap but I don’t care. My Tobi is sick and this is not okay. Waiting on Dr. Stokes to see us. Send all the prayers, y’all. I feel like the worst momma ever. He’s having to use the leash, sit in the car, and see his momma panicking all at the same time. Not cool. 😭

May 7th, 2020

Update on Tobi: he likely has parvo or another virus. The vet thinks with extreme hydration, Gatorade every two hours and some oral remedies, we should be able to beat this thing. If it is Parvo, then it is in the early stages, as Tobi still has tons of energy and isn’t acting that off asides from the severe vomiting and diarrhea. If he is worse by tomorrow afternoon then he’ll be staying at the vet for the next few days for fluids, IV’s, and blood tests. Poor baby. Momma loves you. ❤️❤️❤️

March 7th, 2020

Tobi has thrown up four times since the vet. So thankful for those who are sending good thoughts and keeping me level headed throughout this. Will be all-nighting it for sure but he is worth more than a few hours of sleep. My boy. Momma will save you.💜💜💜

May 8th, 2020

Blue can tell that brother isn't feeling well and it breaks my heart. All Tobi wants to do is lie down next to him.

May 12th, 2020

Partying because we beat Parvo! Tobi caught his tail!

May 16th, 2020

Best. Toy. Ever.

May 18th, 2020

This dog. He decided to lay down while he was eating. Look how big he is getting!

May 21st, 2020

I think it’s officially time that I think about upgrading to a queen bed. 😂 #Blessed

May 23rd, 2020

Tobi doesn’t want any of this vaccination stuff. Last parvo shot! Bless his heart. He’s so nervous. I promised him a yummy sausage biscuit when this is over, though!

May 24th, 2020

So I learned something about Tobi at the vet. Apparently he has a ruptured blood vessel in one of his ears. He most likely got this from rough-housing with Blue. It’s swelled up but not terribly, so we just have to watch it. If it gets bigger or gets infected we’ll have to do surgery. But even if it goes away on its own, his ear won’t ever look like a normal big boy ear. It’ll stay a floppy ear. He’ll always have at least one floppy ear, y’all, and that's okay!

Sometimes it’s good to have a place where you can go to get away from the daily hassles of life (*cough Tobi *cough) for a bit. Found Blue hiding out behind the shed.

May 31st, 2020

Because dang it, Momma can’t go to the bathroom on her own. 😂❤️

June 21st, 2020

Enjoying his time with Grandpa this Father’s Day!

June 27th, 2020

My poor boy hates car rides. Keep us in your prayers, y’all! Were going to Natural Falls to look at the waterfalls. ❤️

July 9th, 2020

Tobi wasn’t sure about the mower Grandpa had at the house today. 😂💕

Even today, two years later, I often find myself wondering what had happened to Tobi's fur-momma, or to the rest of his siblings. Did they ever find someone to love them? What was their fait? The more I think about it, I don't think I will ever know.

With that said, I am thankful to know Tobi's. His fait is to be loved. To be needed. To be cared for and seen as a valuable and important member of our pack. Our pack would not be whole without him. That rainy day two years ago did way more for either of us than I ever thought possible. It gave me purpose. An opportunity to be needed.

Thank you, Tobias.