I Used to Be His and a House Dog

Mom,

You’ve had me since I was born. The moment I felt your belly move with this foreign being, I gave you a look of confusion. Although I’m a dog, I know something is in your belly. I lay on your belly and I can feel him. I gave him snuggles. When he was born you wouldn’t let me come around him for months.

When he was on the floor crawling and our eyes met, I fell in love. I had this mini version of you mom. He was small like me and full of energy like me. He would always sneak me food. He kept me warm and gave me cuddles. I don’t understand any of this mom but he’s my human now. We have such a bond and I love him so much. Even though my mom, (Sunday) your other dog is there, Chandler and I are best friends. When we (Sunday and I) get into doggy trouble we get crated and told we are bad. My best friend comes to my rescue to let me out but pushes Sunday back in.

You had a glass of milk and I love licking the glass after you. My best friend was also drinking milk and tried to take the glass from me. I don’t know we fight like that but you laughed at us and gave him his bottle.

He was getting teeth and the things he was gnawing on, I wanted to gnaw on. We would chase each other through the house and I would have him laughing so loud. I would try taking his blanket from him and learned to become his blanket. He started exploring my mouth, spreading my jaws really wide. Feeling around my teeth. I seen the fear in your eyes. I knew he was my best friend and I knew I couldn’t hurt him. You still loved me and told him to be gentle that he couldn’t hurt me. I know we both don’t understand any of this. We are learning together. He would laugh when I licked his hands.

He loved petting me and feeling my fur. I loved all the attention and secret food he would sneak me. I was always a part of the family. I had it made. We would play and laugh together. I remember hearing you say, how you can’t wait to see us when we grow together.

Then one awful day you left mom. I don’t understand why you went away. My best friend was sad. He went looking through the house for you calling out, “Mom-Mom.” We couldn’t find you. I don’t know what I did or what he did. Dad has me and eventually I made my way back to you.

My best friend was gone. I didn’t understand what was going on. Why I had you and not him. Where dad went. What happened to our family. It was almost a year before I got to see him and it was like he didn’t remember me. Like we weren’t friends anymore. I don’t understand what’s going on. Then you put me outside. Mom, I’ve always been inside. It’s cold out here. I stay caged up and I don’t get to run and play like before. What did I do?

Your baby girl,

Bowser.

**Sometimes, we don’t put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We don’t think about the ripple effect of one decision. Last December, I made the most heart wrenching decision ever. In my heart I did right. My son is affected and so are my dogs. I didn’t choose for all this to happen. I tried so hard to prevent it and save my family. It can’t be on one person. Right now, my life is a mess and my health took a nose dive. I’m making my situation the best I can. Things will get better. I won’t stop until they do. I hope that my future husband will hold on to me and our family and think about everything that will unfold from not trying to keep us. That he will understand that love and family is worth fighting for.**