I Murdered My Friend

I murdered a member of our family today. Oh, I didn’t issue the death blow. That came from a needle in the vein from our vet. But I am the executioner, the one that signed the death warrant.

We are a dog crazy family, with a wonderful selection of rescues, adoptions and a purebred or two. I volunteer with rescues so it’s easy to talk ourselves into just one more to add to our pack. They live in the house, and most of them are in our bed. Like I said, we are a dog crazy family. We have Jack Russell’s, Rotts, Beagle-Basset, and Grace, the most beautiful Brindle and White Pit Bull. It is Gracie that fell victim to the fatal sentence.

It started so out of the blue! Grace, a six-year-old spayed female, for unknown reasons, started attacking our other dogs. The first time it was Susie, our senor Jack Russell, an attack that left Suzie’s bottom jaw broken in two. We thought it was an isolated incident. Gracie, so sweet and quiet. Gracie, who only wanted to cuddle in your lap and snuggle up close. We were shocked.

Gracie must have been provoked. It would never happen again. Our sweet Gracie, who slept with our granddaughter, under the covers, both snoring so cute. We couldn’t believe she meant to hurt anyone. But then there were more and more incidents of growling, lunging and snapping at the other dogs. We became hyper-vigilant as we watched her actions, scolding any threatening sign. She would growl a warning, and then go off by herself. Concerned, but we had to marvel at her diligence to avoid further conflict. Maybe it was just a little spell of grouchy.

But then Cooper was pinned down by her jaws in another unprovoked attack right before my eyes and only quick action prevented serious injuries. Drops of blood showed three puncture wounds on his back and hip, and only the JRT tenacity hid the pain. Once again, we were relieved that the injuries were minor. But we were left with a sickening stomach at Gracie’s actions.

We wondered if maybe Gracie didn’t feel good, or there was something physically that was changing her temperament. We were desperate for any rhyme or reason for her attitude change. She was still loving and snuggling with us. But we couldn’t overlook the fact that the two attacks could have killed the smaller dogs, and both seemed to be coming with no provocation. A vet appointment was set, with the decision that if she had a clean bill of health, she wouldn’t be coming home.

I know there are some who will question our decision. Why didn’t we just find her a good home? I wish the answer were that easy. Here is where the pit bull genetics story envelopes our Gracie. She had been a member of our family for over five years, but she started out with the odds staked against her.

Gracie’s Momma was dumped literally at the door of a rescue that I volunteered at. Unknown owners just tied her to the door, with a belly full of carbon copies, and walked away. Starving and abused from the look of her body, Momma still would give you a lick, a thank you for her new life. These dogs are unbelievable, they can go through hell at the hands of their owners and still give you the biggest tail wag and face washing licks. But how much did we know about the true temperament of the other part of the equation. Was Dad a gentle soul too or was the pit a part of his nightmare existence, the result of years of breeding for the best fight attitude. We could only cross our fingers and hope that Gracie was not a product of that horrible genetic hell. And for over 5 years she was sweet and loving, everything we could hope for and more. Gracie was the dog that stole the hearts of the two dear men in my life. Anyone that met her fell under her kind temperament and gentle soul.

I spent the night checking on every possible solution. The numbers of pit bull rescues in Kentucky are few, considering the sheer number of animals needing help, they just cannot provide with their minimal resources. The pit bull rescues were spending it on dogs on death row, the ones that had not shown any signs of aggression, adoptable dogs. This wasn’t a TV show, where we could interview potential adoptees and check new homes. We had no friends that could provide a safe environment for Gracie to grow old without the possibility of other animals around.

And then the horrible thought, what if we did put her with someone and she hurt or even killed another pet. If Gracie was this vicious around animals, would it only be a matter of time before she snapped at a person? What if it was a grandchild, or neighborhood child? The thoughts were horrendous. How could I trust that she wouldn’t end up in a backyard to live a life on the circle of the chain holding her in place? Or worse, as a bait dog, muzzled, unable to even fight for her life. Kentucky is not a kind state to pit bulls. These beautiful souls, who used to be called “Nanny” dogs have been bred and bred and over bred. Southern tradition of the cruelest fate. No matter how much you love, sometimes it isn’t enough.

And love wasn’t going to be enough today. Gracie was perfectly healthy, giving everyone kisses, tail wagging so hard she could barely stand up. It sealed her fate, and I became an accomplice to murder. I couldn’t tell her enough how sorry I was, that we had let her down. My vet, who I trusted completely, helped me discuss ever option we could think of. As I set in the floor scratching her belly, I knew I was just putting off the inevitable. No one had an answer that was safe for her, for those around her, or kind to her.

Gracie, our sweet Gracie, paid the ultimate price. As she slipped into oblivion, with tears falling onto her sweet head, I kept telling myself that she would never hear another scolding or harsh word or worry about being transplanted away from those that love her with all their hearts. And I cursed all those that had created the environmental genetic conditions that made it impossible for this sweet soul to live her life in peace surrounded by those who loved her with all their souls, free of the horrors of the fight scene.

I not only murdered that sweet soul today, but it ripped my soul from my chest. I hope and pray she will forgive me. May Gracie have mercy on me. And may Gracie find her journey across the Rainbow Bridge quick and peaceful, waiting for those who love her. She deserves it. We deserve it.