Heeerrreee's Abigail

Hi Vocal,

Abigail here. Did you miss me?

I have an issue I’d like to discuss today. It’s an issue I first notified you of back in January when you had the Unleashed Challenge for Dogs.

Do you remember my interview with my Mom when I indicated my disillusionment with your platform due to lack of respect for cats and the exclusion of ours, or any other species, in that challenge? It was called “I Told my Cat about Vocal’s Off-Leash Challenge for Dogs, and She’s Pissed.’

You ignored me. Well, okay you gave me a Top Story. But then, you ignored me.

I contacted you a second time a few months later, when in your prompt for the Mother’s Day poetry challenge, I saw these words:

“There are so many different ways to view motherhood: biological moms, adopted moms, chosen moms, foster moms, dog moms”

Once again, you excluded cats, or another type of pet. I voiced my disappointment in a piece called “Stop Ignoring me Vocal.”

Much to my dismay, you ignored me. You boldly ignored me, even when I ordered you not to. How rude!

Finally, just a few weeks ago, I once again wrote to you, as previously mentioned. That time I gave you a piece of my mind... er, I mean politely gave you my opinion regarding your lack of challenges for my Mom to enter.

I am happy to see that you released two new contests since then, and want to let you know that I am taking full credit for that, coincidence or not.

One of those contests is the reason I am writing today. Lo and behold, we have yet another dog challenge. Really, Vocal? You’re kidding, right?

Yes, I know it may not be “officially” a dog challenge, because you did mention “pets’ a few times. But, come on. You’re giving away a box of dog food with the first prize. Even my lovely, but loose-screws-in-the-head, Mom could figure that one out. It was easy deductions for a genius kitty like me.

All this time when you didn’t respond to my request for a cat challenge, I thought you were simply dismissing me. However, I am beginning to believe that you may not have been ignoring me after all. You have seen all my pleas, and had them front and centre in your mind when you came up with this new 24/7 challenge, didn’t you?

You’re trolling me, Vocal. I’m convinced of it. Yeah, you saw all my rants and posted another dog challenge thinking you would put me in my place and shut me up once and for all.

Well, nobody puts Abigail in the corner.

I’ve never been one to go down without a fight. Just ask my mom. I tried to murder her a few times when she first rescued me from the shelter, but that was only because I was terrified. I’d never had a human love me before, so I didn’t know how to behave.

Mom says her favourite memory of me is the first time I crawled into her lap for a cuddle, and didn’t bite or scratch. She was very proud of me, and I am very proud to say that I never bite or scratch anymore.....well okay, maybe sometimes for fun.

So, since you have ignored me for months, and are now clearing trolling me, I have recruited some friends to join with me in forming a posse with the express purpose of convincing you that we cats also deserve acknowledgement in your challenges.

The Finicky Ferocious Felines of Vocal are here to implore you to grant the felis catus the respect and acknowledgement to which we are entitled.

We are strong. We are beautiful (obviously). We are fun, we are fabulous, and we are fully worthy of being idolized for the regal creatures we are.

Don’t try to deny that you love me, Vocal. Nobody will believe you.

I went all the way to Australia to meet my first couple of recruits, so that should give you an indication of how serious we are. There, I met my new boyfriend Peach, and his sister Grizabella.

At first, I thought Grizabella was a bit of a scaredy-cat for hiding under the bed, but when I saw the spiders as big as me and snakes as long as a house, well I couldn’t blame her for hiding.

We spoke about how our human Moms enjoyed writing on Vocal, and how they have published several stories about us, without any acknowledgement of our supreme beauty. I informed them of our posse, and assured them we have other recruits on the way. Peach and Grizabella were very eager to join in the fight to convince you finally that we deserve respect and adoration.

It was a great visit but I couldn’t wait to get back home where I could see my mom, and where I didn’t have to worry about wild animals that would terrorize a grizzly bear. We don’t have vicious beasts here, well except for Canada geese, I mean. Those things are nuts. Just ask my grandma. One of those ginormous murder chickens tried to beat the head off her in a parking lot one day.

But that’s a story for another day. My purpose on this day is to express my disappointment in your once again excluding us from your new challenge, and to convince you to give us our own. It’s a purpose that hasn’t changed since your Unleashed challenge in January, and one I will continue to pursue until you finally give in (or kick my Mom off Vocal, whichever comes first.)

I have accepted that I have no chance of winning your 24/7 challenge, so I guess I’ll have to give you a pass on this one, and cheer on my fellow four-legged creatures.

Mom says it’s the right thing to. She says maybe my dog cousin Mei Li can have a chance to win. Mom loves Mei Li. She says she is a loyal, loving golden retriever and that she is the best dog ever. I don’t agree. I don’t think there’s any such thing as “best dog ever” because they all suck. (oops, I don’t think I was supposed to say that. Sorry, Mom.)

What would I do with a box of dog food anyway? I suppose I could give it to Mei Li, I mean on the miniscule chance that I did win. Maybe giving her a gift would stop her from chasing me around and sticking her nose up my butt.

Unfortunately though, there will be no gift for me to give her since you keep thumbing your Vocal nose at me.

On that note, I would like to introduce you to my first pair of recruits for The Finicky Ferocious Felines of Vocal posse – the aforementioned Peach and Grizabella. I’m sure you’re going to love them, as you will all the other members to follow.

We’re here. We’re fed up, and we’re not going to take it anymore!

Also, I told my friends Savannah, Smokey and Lil Bub. Needless to say they're not impressed, and are licking their coats clean in anticipation of depositing the biggest, ickiest furballs in your shoes. Ack. Blech. We're coming for ya!

Hiss at ya later Vocal,

Abigail