Gypsy and The Shadow

We all have a wildness within that lurks in our shadow self. As humans our nature is to want to belong, a sense of community, however we also have a wild side. Our primal selves. That part of ourselves gets tamed somewhat as we grow. Perhaps that is why it is so exciting to befriend a wild animal.

Back in the early 80’s dumps in rural Tasmania were just designated places to dump your unwanted waste. One day I went to visit a friend who took me on a trip to the dump to find a drawer out of her chest of drawers that she had accidentally thrown out.

The local dump wasn’t far from my friend’s place, so we drove down the road a short way, trees whizzing by, and I idly looked out the window and said, ‘I hope I find a kitten’.

We pulled up at the dump, a small rural clearing among the trees. A short dirt road off the main road had taken us there.

I opened the passenger door and stepped out of the car. Immediately as the pungent smell of the dump hit my nostrils, a small black and white kitten emerged from the rubbish and ran straight up to me. I picked it up. It’s piercing blue eyes looked up at me trustingly and I gave it the name Gypsy.

My friend didn’t find her drawer, but I found a new companion that day, as if the universe heard me and answered my desire.

I took Gypsy home in my car. She inquisitively explored the space, unafraid. She stunk like the dump we had just left. I bundled her up and took her inside and promptly ran her a bath.

This bit she did not like, but I found her much more pleasant, smelling freshly coiffed. I dried her off and found something for her to eat in the fridge. We were sharing now until I got her some food of her own.

She became my constant companion. Sitting by the fire while I read, coming with me into the kitchen with the wood stove that heated the water. Out in the garden while I picked blackberries or played gardener. Sleeping on my bed.

I fed her at the base of the steps at the back of the house each night. Sometimes I realised that the food would disappear quickly, and she would still be hungry coming in for more.

I decided to sit quietly at the top of the step and observe her as she ate. Sometimes out of the corner of my eye I would see a shadow move under the outbuildings. Not emerging whilst I was there.

One night I saw The Shadow make a dash for the feed bowl, take a little, and retreat under the outer building as quickly as it emerged.

It was dark and deformed. A real wild cat, surviving the best it knew how. I felt sorry for it and realised without food, it will be a pest to the wildlife. I started to put out two bowls and sit quietly at the top of the steps and talk softly. When it emerged, I would not budge, but continued to talk softly to it.

Gypsy didn’t seem to mind now her dinner time was assured. In fact, she seemed quite accustomed to her shady friend.

I used to leave the back door ajar all night. You could in those days without worrying about anything. I was staying in a rural house just off the highway with neighbours to the left of me.

One night Gypsy and I sat in front of the fire in the loungeroom. I felt a shadow in my peripheral vision. I quickly turned to see The Shadow dart away toward the back of the house.

I realised our visitor was becoming quite game. It wanted to see what we did in there and had ventured in, momentarily, to observe.

This started happening regularly, and when I would feel The Shadow, I did the same thing, no fast motions, and talked softly. It spent longer at the loungeroom door.

One night I woke up in the middle of the night and something shot off the bed. I looked and my cat was still there. I wasn’t quite sure if I dreamed it or not, but night after night the same thing happened. The Shadow had claimed us. Eventually, The Shadow stayed put if I happened to stir.

As I prepared meals for my new cat family in the kitchen, The Shadow, came purring and rubbing around my legs. He was the ugliest cat, deformed hunches in the rear quarter, but sweet as, however never truly tame, just trusting.

I asked the universe for one cat and ended up with two.

Talking softly and repeatedly, and giving food, are methods I have used to tame other animals that have found me. Some don't need taming and come already socialised, but the ones with the wildness within, take a little time and patience. Perhaps a metaphor for life?

Think of the wildness within someone you know, and the wildness within yourself and ask yourself what does this person, or the me in me, need to be nurtured? What type of soul food is needed to allow the spirit to come out and play, to feel safe and trusting of the surrounding environment?

I needed a companion to keep me company, something to care for beyond myself. I asked and the universe provided. Gypsy came already tamed, but abandoned. She came as a gift and I was her gift.

The Shadow however, was something else. The Shadow had needs, but was also independent. The Shadow showed me something about patience and kindness, and the earning of trust. Not about taming the wild, but befriending the wildness within.

The photographs I have included are not the actual cats in the story, but cats borrowed from Unsplash that come close to illustrating the events. Thank you universe!

I you enjoyed this memoir and metaphor, and a heart is always welcomed. Thanks for reading. 💚