Grocery Puppy

We were hurrying to the car. It was winter and I was in 5th grade. My dad and I had just gotten groceries. The icy slush was cold as it clung to my worn tennis shoes. I wasn’t wearing socks, so my toes were starting to go numb. As we crossed the parking lot, trying to find the car, we heard it. Something was screaming and screeching in pain. Something wasn’t right. As we approached, it was apparent that whatever IT was, was in our car. My dad opened the hood and propped it. The sound was deafening. He stood there, unsure what to do. People were staring at us. It was dark outside and dark under the hood. But, I felt something inside me that said not to be scared. Without hesitation, I stuck my cold hands down under the car brains and pulled out a puppy. He was bloody from getting too close to the hot innards of the vehicle. He was shaking uncontrollably and didn’t have much energy left to put up a fight. Just like that, I was in love.

We got in the car, jacked up the heat and sort of just stared at the little pup and then each other. My pants bloody, my hands full of puppy cuteness and my heart full of hope, we headed home. I bathed the puppy and assessed the wounds. They weren’t all that bad. The pup followed me around the kitchen, the only place he could be in the house. Mom’s orders. So, I brought my comforter down from my bed and slept all night with him, curled up on the kitchen floor.

The next morning I had school. I got up and got ready and got on the bus. I couldn’t wait to get home to my puppy. I thought about him all day. The day felt impossibly long and the bus ride home was excruciating. I had thought of so many names and planned to recite them to him for approval. I shot in the door and headed right to the kitchen, but no puppy. I looked all through the house, but there was no sign of a dog ever being in it. My blanket that I left for him in the kitchen was back on my bed. I was baffled. I held on to hope. I waited for my dad to get home. I waited for answers. I waited for my puppy.

My dad got home at his normal time. I always looked forward to that time of the day. He was a merchandiser for his company. He set up convenient stores and gas stations, so he always had the newest candy in his trunk for samples. I would get to pick treasure from the trunk and then we would go in and play Super Nintendo baseball. Except today I didn’t want candy. I didn’t want Nintendo. I just wanted to know where my puppy was.

I could tell that my dad was also excited to come home to the little guy. He asked me how the pup was doing and if my back hurt from sleeping on the kitchen floor. Once he realized that the dog was missing, he called my mom at work. I wasn’t ready for the disappointment that followed. He hung his head and hung up the phone. She took him to the pound. Those are the words that he fumbled and stumbled on. I was devastated. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to tell him that I loved him.

I ran upstairs and dove under the blanket. It still smelled like the cold, wet puppy from the night before. It had a few small blood stains from his belly burns. I held the blanket up to my face. It was comforting for some reason. A rush of emotions that I didn’t even understand yet, took over me. I didn’t eat dinner that night. I didn’t say goodnight. I was paralyzed in my tears.

My mom worked 2nd shift, so I was asleep when she got home. And she was asleep when I got on the bus the next morning. I was so mad at her. I was convinced that she hated me. We never talked about it. She never apologized for pulling the rug out from under me. She never wiped away my tears or explained it to me. She just acted like he never existed. And, I lived. Life went on. But, I have never forgotten the immediate connection, the love or the grief.

I have always carried that short adventure with me through life. I have tried to love as if tomorrow may never come. I say I love you at the end of every phone call and as I am walking out the door to mow for an hour. I send my husband flirty texts during the day and send notes in my kids’ lunch boxes. AND, I have rescued some of the most amazing dogs in the 31 years since that puppy and I slept on the kitchen floor. Twenty dogs to be exact! And they have all helped to build me. I don’t collect friends of the human kind. I don’t always relate. But, the grocery puppy and I spoke each other’s language that night. I often wonder if his life was a happy and long one, filled with love, treats and a kid that adored him, like I did. I hope so. Whenever I take my last breath on earth, I want him to lead the slide show of light that flashes all of my dogs before my eyes. I hope that he is waiting over the rainbow bridge, along with Alex, Squirt, Diesel, JoJo, Lindy, Dutchess, Star, Maggie, Hank, Smoke, Jovi, Kansas, Kimber, Maximus, Luna, Penelope, Ash, Lady, Layla and Waldo. The numerous life changing moments with all of these dogs probably wouldn’t sound like much to most people. But, to me, they are everything. They are the nucleus in my adventure of life and true love. And because of them, I am better.