Free Pearl.

Every time I came home, you loved me. Your sights weren't as clear as they had once been; age and being left out, despite loyalty, weathered you vulnerable. There was still excitement in your leaps and bounds, your rugged pants as you leapt inevitably towards some kind of Heaven on Earth. I was your snack-sourcing belly-rubber. But I held extended my arms with timidity, excusing myself to a box in your life too. You had loyalty so unconditional, I wondered if you could remember resentments at all. How much time did it ever take you to forgive? We thought change was better than staying inside. We left you out in the cold too many times.

I wished I could be more like you. But I could be less relenting, and too open to taking whatever love came my way. I felt the distance like a kick to the gut. I had more bite than I needed. I buried bark in the soul of my throat. You wouldn't even harm a soul. I held on to the bones and squeezed so tight, we damn near turned to ashes. This love took its laps around the limited lands. I buried my shadows behind smiles, friends tuggin' at' my light. I stay faded with the backgrounds. I kept all displays to myself like bigger secrets. Still, unlike the world, I could cry in front of you. I always prayed you didn't understand what pain could look like. My shoulders slumped to bitter depths, but never quite shook. You had a limp that graced your walk, it hardly grew. Perfectly matched and we still ran our ways. I cried and laughed at the thoughts, thinking if you really felt me through your fur, you were crazy to love me with such venom.

There were too many snakes in our grass. I never seen em' though. Mama said she didn't dare step outside because of them. She was sure it was the reason you went blind in that one eye. She always held the deeper knowing of the bites life could deliver. I would've left my door open for you, but I was rarely around, out chasing the remnants of the future I had forced to fit together. It was perfection until it fell apart, til the bellies ached and eyes the welled up. There'd been a lizard in the main kitchen. Too much chaos over little elements. Too much possession hanging over the head of blessings. We pressed our blouses for church the night before. We had the space to let life live. And yet, privilege and lack mentalities- we didn't stray too far out the lines. Freedom was a concept just short of sin and sharp regret. The sharks were real and the world was lava; no time for childish games. I kept the doors locked and feared the distant ground. The taps of heavy forks scraped on crowded dinner plates. We spat so superficial, while the troubles ran deep. Shit got too real there. I couldn't stay down.

We were gasping for freedom at all times. Nothing to hold us back, but shock collars and tight ropes. I felt guilt for never wanting you around. You deserved more than I realized I had. I often prayed I wouldn't find you too late. Nobody home long enough to show you love. A house in a world too busy chasing dreams. You could only eye the squirrels. Longing- the type of pain that sat quietly heavy in the heart. I caught you running in your sleep. And they called me every time you left. But from the other end, I wished you happier arms and constant affections. And a place you would never have to escape the rain, whilst running blind with overwhelming fear. I knew what a leash could do to the spirit when it was too terrifying to stay still. I shoulda fuckin freed you.