Dude, I'm A Dog!

Hi there! My name is Baby. On Instagram I am @Baby_THE_Cat17. For 4 years now, I've been fooling all of you, except my Mommy. She knows what's up. I've been cleverly masquerading as a less than frisky feline. My costume kicks serious ass!

Why would I do that, you ask? Because it makes life so much easier for me. You see, I'm incredibly lazy. If I were to show my true dog self, the humans would make me go out for walks and to pee and all sorts of other nonsense. But, as a cat, I get to stay in all day long. I sleep where and when I please and nobody bothers me with foolish requests like fetching a ball or giving a paw. Sorry, but that shit's demeaning. I'm no circus performer. I'm not here for your amusement. In fact, let's be brutally honest here, it's precisely the other way around, my humans are here to amuse me.

My costume is very simple, thick grey fur, big green eyes and general cat-like stuff. But that's the beauty of it. A good costume never has to be complicated. In fact, if you try to get too smart with things, you could come off looking overdone. I was going for basic cat and if I do say so myself, I nailed it!

As a dog, I love humping stuff. Humans hate that. In my cat getup, I can hump anything I want, stuffed toys, legs, whatever, and those "people" in my house just laugh their foolish heads off, saying how hilarious I am.

I'm also a big talker. People don't like barking. it's all "shut up" this and "quiet down" that. But, as a coy kitty, my conversation is not only welcomed but encouraged. It's not that hard to say meow.

To tell you the truth, I'm quite surprised that I've been able to keep my rouse up this long. I mean, yeah, the costume is great, but my canine nature comes out way more often than I'd like.

For example, I just can't help answering the door. I've tried to stop myself. I know it's a "dog thing". But I can't. Every time there's a knock, I'm right there. I position myself right in front of my Mommy and eyeball whoever it is at my door. You don't get to her unless you go through me and let me tell you, I'll bite if I sense you mean her any harm at all. I haven't had to do it yet, but I've had to bear my teeth a couple times. She's MY human and it's up to me to protect her. Humans, as it turns out, aren't very bright; she needs me.

That's why I never leave her side. I have to be with her all the time. If she goes into another room, you best believe I'm there. Yes, even the washroom. And I really don't like it when she goes out. I've tried to stop her by crying, but it never works. She's my tribe, I want her with me. Anything could happen to her if she escapes my constant vigilant surveillance.

I also sometimes slip up and chew stuff for the hell of it. I can't help it. Oh, and I'll sometimes turn my food bowl upside down with my nose to let the humans know it's empty. It makes a loud banging, clanging noise. And I like to sniff things, well not things, everything, all the time. It's great! But I have to work on those things, they just scream dog!

The only real downside to being a dog disguised as a cat is that nobody takes me seriously. But, it's not really that much of a downside is it? Go ahead, underestimate me, think I'm a cat, see what happens.