Dream or Nightmare?

2022 was the year I became an adult. I don’t mean I turned 18, no, I was 22. What I mean is that I hit every single milestone that would classify as ‘part of growing up’. In February, I moved out of my parents house and into my very first apartment. Alone. There wasn’t a single scrap of food, decorative mug, or pair of socks in that apartment that wasn't mine. It was a dream come true. However, being the sole housekeeper to a 700 square foot home proved harder than I thought. Dishes pile up, laundry gets put off, and don’t get me started with grocery shopping. (Seriously, I was at Wegmans 3 times a week.) As time went on I got better at managing it but putting responsibilities before play is never fun.

In April, I went to a car dealership for the first time alone and signed a new lease on a Jeep. Don’t get me wrong I was terrified and confused the majority of the time but I needed to rip off the band aid. Can’t have my dad doing everything for me the rest of my life, right?

A few months into adulting, I woke up and everything just felt too quiet so an idea popped into my head. I said to myself, “Self, what have you been dreaming of since you were a little girl? Something that you couldn’t have because your parents said no.”

A dog.

My roof, my rules, right? Well, I had a puppy within the week. Don’t get me wrong, I have reached dogs my entire life in preparation for my own. Which breeds are the smartest, or most playful. Loud or quiet. Big or small. I knew it all, I just couldn’t do it in my parents' house. With that restriction gone, it was inevitable. I even got permission to bring the dog to work with me!

Meet Raven:

Raven is a German Shepard/Malinois Mix. She is a beautiful, crazy, lovable, demon creature. My darling beast was terrified of riding in the car, balloons, blonde women (bet you’ve never heard that before) and being away from me longer than five seconds. She also has more energy than physically possible.

For the first week of having her, I was the most stressed out I have ever been in my life. Since she had separation anxiety, she would bark whenever she could not be physically touching me. If I put her in a crate, non stop barking. If I tried to use the restroom, she’d be whining. When I took a shower, she was howling. I got a noise compilation from my apartment's leasing office within the first 48 hours of having her home. I seriously had to shower at my parents' house so that she would have someone with her while I washed my hair.

Monday, July 11th 2022, three days after I bought her, Raven and I left work and headed to the park. We played fetch until she was ready to drop because when you have a high energy dog, you have to meet their exercise requirements, or the behavioral consequence will be detrimental. Once I got her home, I laid on the bed with her until she fell asleep. (Raven used to not be able to sleep without physically touching me, which now I miss.)

I heard her starting to snore, so I ever so slowly moved of the bed to start trying to make a dent in my ever-growing list of chores. I didn't even make if of the bed before she was up and playing again. Puppies are a lot like children and if they don't get there afternoon nap in, they get cranky. Well, a cranky Shepard is a bouncing nipping little thing that will stop at nothing to cause destruction, but I had dishes to do. I let the creature chew on my shoelaces while I did the dishes, I played tug of war with her while I scrubbed the toilet, I did everything I could think of to appease the beast I now lived with. I was tired, stressed, and simply over stimulated, so when I picked up the laundry basket, and Raven Leaped 5 feet into the air (I wish I was kidding) to bite the end of the basket and pull it to the ground. That was the moment I hit my breaking point.

I sat down on my living room floor, surrounded by my dirty clothes, and I cried. I cried for not being to handle the stress. Cried for hating the responsibilities that I had taken on. Cried for having to handle it with out any help. Cried because I wasn't good enough. I sat on the floor and cried as the dream I had wished for turned into a nightmare. I sobbed silently for a few minutes, seriously considered surrendering the dog to a shelter, then I put the clothes back in the basket.

Once the mess was cleaned up, and the tears were washed from my face, I did the only responsible adultlike decision I could think of, I called my mom and ask for help.

Raven and I ate at my parent's house, or as she knows it 'Mee-maw and Mr. Awesome's house', and I laughed as they told tales about the joys and horrors of buying a house, having a pet, raising a family. I left their house that night with the confidence I was going to need to survive the next day. Then the next one. And the one after that.

Raven will be turning one May 11th, 2023, and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.