Detective Crow

G'day,

I’m Crow, that’s Detective Crow if you must know. I live down under in Australia. I have traveled far and wide and I have cousins all over the world, sometimes we’re known as a raven to.

I am pretty darn clever, even those human scientist say so, so it must be true. I love learning how things work. I started getting a name for myself as a detective. I was getting asked for help from heaps of crows and creatures. The noisy buggers wouldn’t leave me alone. I was flat out busy, but getting plenty of good tucker out of it, road kills of all types, which was a bonus for sure.

You may wonder how I became a detective. Well pretty easy really. When I was a young Crow, I used to explore everything. I wanted to know how everything worked, especially cars. Usually they’re no trouble, you hop out the way and they go by. They don’t want to eat us or anything. But some, wow, they move like Wedgies, Eagles that is. One minute you’re happy eating roadkill, next minute you got a silent wedgie up your clacker.

As I got older I started studying deaths of crows by car. Only a few deaths mind, cause you know, we Crows are clever. There's definitely some weird stuff going on there let me tell you. One minute nothing, next minute wham. I recon some cars have that stealth mode thingy. Yeah, I know, conspiracy theorist!

I went into the city once to learn some things. In the city there is food everywhere you look. “Crow did I put some weight on!’

There’s food stops everywhere, In the round metal bin thingies and these rectangle green bin thingies. Sometimes you have to flip the lid on them, but it’s easy tucker. There are places in the city that have food stashed out the back doors, all you can eat smorgasbords. And the smell, even people can smell it and let me tell you, people can’t smell for quids. Then there’s the food mountains. Humans call em dumps. Wow aren’t they a sight. Truck after truck dropping of the tucker day in and day out, it’s the bomb.

In the city to, they have these metal trees with lights on them, the lights are red, yellow, and green. All the cars and trucks are controlled by these light trees. They communicate through the lights. It’s pretty tricky at first but bloody handy. If I find some nuts and I can’t break them open, I go to the lights and wait for them to go red. The cars stop and I put my nuts down in front of the wheel and head back off the road and wait. The lights go green and sure enough the cars go and magic, it crushes my nuts. It can be a bit of a pain as you have to wait for the lights to go red again before you can eat your nuts.

Another thing I do is investigate when other crows die before they get old. you know by accident. I work out what happened so other crows don't make the same mistake. When we started getting those cane toad pestilence. I was the first animal to work out how to kill and eat them without getting poisoned. Now that was a feat. Let me tell you, not only did you have to ‘be on the lookout’ for those stealth cars. But also watching out for the bloody pestilence squirting poison in your face. Anyway, I got pretty good at flipping those burgers as we called it. It caught on real quick. Before I knew all sorts of birds and creatures were getting the hang of it and eating the pestilence. Then bugger me, talk about pestilence, some human allegedly goes and eats a bat! Might get a job out of that I recon.

Thankyou for reading my story. I hope it made you smile.

Cheers, Kylie