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ALL MY KITTENS

A WITTY SERIAL CREATED BY BILLY EHRLACHER

By Billy EhrlacherPublished 4 years ago 5 min read
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ALL MY KITTENS CREATED AND WRITTEN BY BILLY EHRLACHER

Raul Garson decides that after hearing the news that his brother is missing that his place is in Hidden Valley to help his family cope and deal with Wilburn's disappearance in any way possible. As Raul lands at The Hidden Valley Airport, Sable enters her bedroom.

Sable just got home from the most tedious pathetic hospital board meetings in all of her years of community service. She hated all of the board's lame suggestions for potential fundraisers to raise money to save the free clinic. Sable is more of a dictator than a leader. She despises input. Sable notices that her answering machine is blinking which indicates someone has left a message. Before she can even listen to the message her telephone rings again. This time she answers it!

"Hello. May I ask who is calling? I am not interested in donating any of my limited time or any money to any cause. I already know who I am voting for in the upcoming election. You can't startle me by telling me that you are calling from The Internal Revenue Service or that you are calling from a collection agency, because I have no debt. I am the wealthiest feline in this town, and I pay my credit cards off every month."

"Mrs. Garson, I am not trying to sell you anything. I am Darin Blackboard and I am a reporter for The Hidden Valley Times, and I am writing an article on the disappearance of your husband."

"Of course," Sable replies.

In Tahiti, Tawny is still at the police station. A mature over weight police officer who is approaching retirement is sitting at a desk finishing some data entry work on the department's state of the art Commodore 64 computer.

"May I help you?" the officer asks.

"My boyfriend is still missing and I demand your department to do something to find him," Tawny asserts.

"Miss believe me are searching for him."

"Okay! I just can't stand here and wait. I must be productive."

"I have an idea!," the officer exclaims. "Let's make a video that we'll stream," the officer suggests. "Do you have a picture of him besides this pathetic caricature?

Alec is in the operating room. This time he is removing the gall bladder of an elderly obese cat. This is a high risk patient. Alec's cell phone rings, and he rushes out of the operating room. Laurel follows him.

"Alec, you can't leave in the middle of a surgical procedure. If you lose one more patient they will do one of two things to you. Either they will rename the morgue in honor of you or they will fire you."

"Laurel, I get what you are saying. This is an emergency! My daddy is missing! How would you behave if you daddy were missing?"

"Well Alec, my daddy wouldn't be missing because he has an excellent sense of direction," Laurel exclaims.

Quinn Murphy, an officer on The Hidden Valley Police Department, and Laurel's eldest brother arrives at the hospital and spots Alec.

"Quinn, have you located my daddy yet?" Alec begs to know.

"Sorry not yet," Quinn answers.

Quinn suggest that they make a video and that they offer a reward.

"I can't believe that you are pestering me. I am an emotional mess. Wilburn Garson is the love of my life. My heart belongs to him. I am devastated," Sable begins to sob. "I am sorry! I must go. I can't discuss this anymore. Please respect the privacy of my family during these trying times," Sable says as she hangs up and Basil begins to applaud her brilliant dramatic performance.

Back in Tahiti, Tawny gets her compact out of her purse. It appears that she carries everything she owns in the handbag.

"My fur is a mess," Tawny says as the camera begins to roll.

In Hidden Valley Basil is mocking Sable.

"Did you write your speech yet?"

"What is that comment supposed to mean?" an irked Sable demands to know.

"Wilburn is my life. Wilburn is my heart. Wilburn is my soul. I thought that you hated Wilburn Garson with a passion?" Basil chuckles as he imitates his sex friend.

"I do hate Wilburn! It is all a part of my plan," Sable enlightens as she gets a custom made pant suit out of her closet.

Sable gets into the limo. She is on her way to the offices of Garson Industries.

Back at Hidden Valley General Veterinary Hospital Quinn begins to record Alec's video. They hope that this will help the authorities in their search for the wealthy Garson. Alec is having a rough time keeping it together.

"I am looking for my Daddy," Alec starts. "My Daddy's name is Wilburn Garson. Daddy taught me so many things in life . He taught me how to ride a bicycle, and how to throw a ball, and he taught me about the birds and the bees." Alec continues.

Alec's plea is so lame that Quinn struggles to refrain from laughing.

"Do you have a picture?" Quinn asks as he bites his lips.

"Yes, but it isn't a current one. It might help though. This is his sonogram," Alec informs as he holds the picture up to the camera. "You can still tell that it is him."

As Sable gets out of the limo she stares at the office tower.

"In a few hours all of this will be mine. Wilburn and Tawny will regret the day they wronged Sable Garson," Sable states to herself as the stockholders gather in a large conference room.

Raul is now at the front door of the Garson mansion. As he enters the elaborate home he sees Mabel dusting the mantle of the fireplace.

"Hello there Mabel!," Raul states.

"Mr. Raul! What a surprise to see you! You haven't changed a bit," Mabel marvels. "Did you find some eternal youth potion?" Mabel gushes.

"Mabel I suggest that you get your eyes examined." "Where is Sable?"

"In her bedroom relaxing," the longtime maid informs.

Raul enters Sable's room and is stunned to find Basil in her bed!

Meanwhile in Tahiti, Wilburn continues to wander the streets. When he sees the video with Tawny, Wilburn sees his reflection in a fancy store display window and he believes that it is the missing man. He searches for a telephone to call the police.

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF ALL MY KITTENS

satire
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About the Creator

Billy Ehrlacher

Billy obtained a bachelor's degree in theatre from DeSales University. He has many theatre credits. His first humor novel was published in 2017. He is an avid soap opera fan and an animal lover. Billy lives in Allentown, PA.

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