To All The Dads

Dear Dad,

I wish you could see this. A community, just for you. I wish you could see how there’s space for you. A space to talk about things men have seen, have gone through, have done. I wish you could see it.

I wish you could realize that you ain’t alone in it all. That being a man is hard and that’s okay and that you can talk about it. Only when you’re ready. But I wish you could realize that it is a possibility. You don’t have to pretend everything is always okay. You can let it out.

I wish you’d let it out. Let out all that anger and expectations that have weighed you down.

Yes, you are tree.

Yes, you are a sturdy trunk holding the sky.

Yes, you have roots buried deep.

And yes, each puff of wind throws you into a flurry of limbs.

It’s okay to waver, but you are stronger than you accept. And you’re not alone.

There are other trees in this forest.

I wish you could see them all. Struggling to stand tall, yet still trying to grow.

I know you’re trying to grow, and find an ounce of reason and purpose to keep going. I wish you could see this space for you, so you know there are those who struggle with reason and purpose and the thought of going too.

I wish you could let someone see you. Not what you do, but who you are. You’ve always said that you cannot stand inauthenticity, that you don’t like mind games and miscommunication. So why do you hide yourself?

I wish you’d see that this is a chance. A chance to be authentic and communicate without the fear of being stopped, or talked over, or shamed. There is no shame in trying to grow.

There is no shame in writing everything down and letting it float away. It’s grief, but it’s the healing process of letting go too. And you’ve lived with a lot of grief- I see it.

But you’re not alone. I wish you could see that.

But I know it has to be on your terms. It has to come from your heart and mind, not just your child’s perspective and hopes.

But I do have hope. Maybe it’s childish of me. But I do have hope that you’ll find peace and calm in the storm of your life. Because you don’t have to be spinning like a tornado all the time. You can rest. You can give time to all the things you’re running from inside and out.

It won’t make you any less of a man.

And it might just bring you closer to all the others out there who might be going through similar things.

This community is for you Dad.

For the one day that you are ready to share.

~

I do want to take the time here to thank Vocal for finally making a community and space specifically for men. Everyone should feel that there is space for them. And although our societies are trying to be more inclusive (yet often times are exclusive), I believe that this Vocal community matters in the battle of breaking stigmas and stereotypes. It can educate folks, it can provide support, and it can help heal.

I suppose that's what this letter to my Dad is all about. Healing.

And in my opinion, healing can only really happen on the individual's terms.

I hope this new Vocal community will be able to bring healing to those who seek it.