One Day

I hope that one day I'll work up the courage to be able tell you how much you mean to me, how much you've shaped me into the person I am today. I could tell by the way mom talks about you to me that she knows our bond is close to non-existent. She mentions to me that if she were to pass before you, she pleads for me to give you a call every once in a while, take you out to eat, or to spend some time with you doing your favorite hobbies. She's worried because she senses that our family will be without one another when she is no longer here due to our emotional disconnect and detachment, and our language barrier.

Since I was born, your work ethic has been unmatched. You have always worked long hours, 5-6 days a week, sometimes even 7, to make ends meet to take care of all of us. I grew up mainly with mom, grandma, and your sisters, so I understand that there's going to be some feelings of detachment. We never had the chance to get to know each other because you were never there, physically. You always tried to keep Sundays off because that was family day and we would spend the day at grandmas house with a backyard BBQ; the kids would play together, riding our bikes or rollerblading around the neighborhood, climbing on the large tree in the front yard, while all the grown ups would spend their time together.

Even though we did not spend much quality time together, you have always made sure you did what you could to make me feel like you were there even when you couldn't be present. You have created such a strong foundation of morals and wisdom that have shaped my entire being. Teaching me how to make my presence felt and known without being present, being open minded and considerate for others, and lastly always keeping me grounded and reminding me of who I am and all that I am capable of.

I remember in elementary school, when we would have potlucks most parents would order pizza or bring chips, soda, napkins, brownies, or ice-cream, but not you. Although, you were always working, as a Chinese fast food cook, you still chose to take part in these festivities by making my class a catered sized container of chow mein, and it would steal the show, every, single, time. There would never be any left over at the end of the party. I remember classmates coming up to me telling me how good it was and if my dad really made it himself. It was an awesome feeling for a shy, quiet, young girl to have so much positive energy around her. With that being a core memory I reflect on it a lot and it reminds me that just because you weren't there physically, it does not mean you can't make your presence felt. You provided me with a strong example of when someone wants to show up for you, they will find a way to, one way or another.

Another influential core memory you provided me was when we were in your old green Toyota Tacoma truck. We were driving on the freeway, in the carpool lane, and the car behind us was constantly tailgating us and beeping at us. I remember telling you maybe we should slow down to teach him a lesson. The car eventually cut out of the carpool lane, flipped us off, and cut back in front of us and sped off. I suggested to you to catch up to him and beep at him to see how he likes it. I distinctively remember you telling me, very calmly, to pay him no mind, that we don't know everyone's story behind the things that they choose to do. You gave me the example of, how they may have received news that their mother had been involved in a terrible accident and so he is rushing to go see her. Those words left an impact on me because I was so caught up in how their actions were affecting my emotions that I never even considered what this man may have been dealing with himself. I was slightly embarrassed and ashamed of my haste judgement but also learned a very valuable lesson; so much so, that I actively try to keep an open mind and to be consistent in making it a habit in my everyday life since then. I have become much more considerate, patient, and understanding because of it, allowing me to connect with so many people throughout my life, and helping me build strong lasting relationships with others.

Lastly, the most inspirational lecture I received, was from you. You made me feel invincible, like I could accomplish anything and become anyone I choose to be, and that helped build my confidence. I was sitting in our dining room by myself at the dining room table, and you and mom had just came home from having lunch. You guys stopped by to ask if I was okay because I was sitting quietly by myself staring blankly. I told you that I didn't know what to do with my life, that I had felt stuck. I did not like going to school for business, that I wanted to be a teacher, but I would never be financially stable to retire or care for you and mom if I chose to be a teacher. I felt like my life was out of my control and that I feel like I was dreaming too big and I was never going to accomplish anything in life. You looked at mom, then back at me. You said, "take a look around this room, you are the smartest person in this room by far." I looked at you and replied, "there's only you, mom, and I!" And you said, "yeah, and you're still the smartest person in this room. Me and your mom came to this country, not knowing how to speak or write English, and we still don't; we didn't have a job lined up, we didn't really know anyone, had to start our lives over because we were fleeing a war torn country. And yet, we have been able to buy a house, cars, and provide for you and your brother, all with just a junior high education. Have we ever made you feel like we were unable to give you anything that you wanted or needed?" I replied "no." You then said, "Exactly! If we can do all of that with nothing, just imagine what you can achieve. Not only did you go to school, you're in college in America, you can speak English, you can write and read; you are a US citizen and have every opportunity available. You are my daughter, there is no doubt in my mind that you will make it in this lifetime. Push forward, and don't give up."

These are all memories and teachings I still talk to my friends about when they ask me how I became the person that I am today. These are the building blocks that you have provided me with. So when I saw this prompt I knew I had to finally write it all down in hopes that one day I can have it translated and read back to you with all the emotions and words conveyed how it felt coming from my heart writing this to you. Using this platform as my hardrive to produce love letters to the ones that I love but never had the courage to tell. The abundance of emotions that I get thinking of how thankful I am to have you as my father always overwhelms me. So this I'll say, for all to hear, if this is the one and only piece I ever have the courage to put out for the world to read, I hope this letter will make its way back to you so you will understand that your sacrifices' have provided me guidance, love, confidence, reassurance, and hope. One day.