My Father

I was very fortunate to have such a great father. My childhood wasn’t perfect, but I do know that I had all the love in the world. The early years were filled with fun and games with my dad. We watched our favorite shows together which taught me to have a love for fantasy and science fiction. I wasn’t overly into sports, like my dad was, but we still bet on games. When my team won, I got to go to Chuck E. Cheese and when his did, I had to give him a foot rub. Thankfully the vikings weren’t doing too good those years.

He was a hard working man. Every fiber of his being wanted to work, but that wasn’t his situation. He had fibromyalgia, among other health concerns. The constant pain took him away from work from when I was very young until his passing. I didn’t learn about doing anything with my hands or many physical activities. I did, however, learn about emotions and pain. Which I feel is a greater lesson in this day and age of manhood.

My father showed me weakness and true strength. Even on the bad days, he tried to make others laugh. He simply loved so much that he couldn’t resist making others feel joy. His humor was something I so admired and adopted into my life. It is well known that many comedians are the ones that also experience great amounts of pain. I suppose it was similar for my dad. Since it didn’t seem like he was able to receive joy, outside of a handful of very good days, he wanted to give it everywhere he went.

I learned how to care gently, to love strongly, and to laugh aggressively. In a day where toxic masculinity has run rampant, I was thankful to have such a good role model. I can’t say that I have always been overly emotional. I too have had my fair share of pain and a healing journey. I am thankful to know that I was allowed to be emotional when I was young though. I surely believe that is what helped me be as strong as I am.

Since my dad was struggling with mental and physical health, mental health became a passion of mine. Like my dad, I wanted to make others smile as well. I do tend to use my wit and humor for the most part, but I am equally adept at counseling those in crisis. I have lived through so many similar things, after all.

It is so good to not sweep things under the rug. It was stressful, but my family grew from it. We faced adversity and fought against it. My father also taught me street smarts. You could argue that I was the opposite of him in intelligence. I have always been very book smart. I learn knowledge and absorb it, seemingly endlessly. My dad knew how the world worked. Maybe he could have been an amazing philosopher if the inspiration hit.

When my dad was a kid, he was the youngest of five, between two different dads. Neither dad was around and he disliked his own greatly. He had a goal to be a better father than his own. Realistically, it was quite a low bar to set. He blew passed the goal in record breaking fashion. Not only was he there, but he was present in me and my siblings lives. He was active in finding out about us and talking to us, even as he struggled with constant pain.

Sadly, as it usually goes, it wasn’t until he passed that I realized how much of an impact he had on me. I miss him greatly. There are so many days I wish I could call him, like he always begged that I did. I just want to tell him that I learned from him and that he was an amazing father. I know he felt like he couldn’t give me everything because of his disability, but he gave me all that he had. I think that is far greater than a “what could have been” situation. I am truly the man that I am today because of my father. I can say that for certain.