Men. There’s No Excuse to Not Want to Get Better Emotionally

As we all know, throughout modern times many of us men were raised not to show emotions. That emotions were weak. Because we needed to be strong we needed to put our emotions to the side and suppress them. Many avoid feeling…..anything because they wanted to fit in or appear stronger than they were simply for means of survival.

As we’ve become adults we can visibly see the effects that have had on men of all ages and how that has affected the generations of men to come. Emotionally stunted. Not in tune with themselves with the people around them. Cold. Closed off. Distant, motivated, and lacking true passion. Unable to show or feel love.

From researching what true masculinity is, what we have been raised on is not what it means to be a complete man. In fact, it’s far from it.

As men, our strength lies in our emotions. Lies in the ability to feel and be in tune with ourselves and the people around us so we can know how to support. To protect and nurture. We need to be able to empathize and see when people need help on an emotional level so we can be a rock for them. We need to be able to hold solid even when things are crashing down around us. We need to be able to feel, identify and evaluate our own emotions to know when we need to correct or adjust our behaviours and actions.

Simply put, our emotions hold our power.

I of course understand that many of us men grew up not showing emotions from a young age and because it’s so ingrained in many of us, we walk around thinking this is simply how it is and it’s hard to change because of how the world has been set up.

However, as a grown man I can’t let how the world has been set up define me and I can’t use that as a justification as to why certain areas of my life are chaotic. I can’t live and go about my life thinking that the chaos is normal, especially as a father. I absolutely have to change it.

Of course, your upbringing might have affected you from your parents, and your friends, to the people you’ve interacted with throughout your life. Of course, you might have learned or seen negative traits that you’ve carried through your years of manhood. Of course, you might have had to hold in your true emotions to survive growing up and find it hard to express yourself now.

What are you going to do about it though?

You might find that when someone does a specific action or says something specific to you that sets your trigger off and at that moment, every time you find yourself getting angry, reactive, defensive, or wanting to lash out. When that happens you lose your head and find yourself entering a state that you don’t recognize or understand but things are a blur and you do something, or say something you regret.

Then you regain yourself, and snap out of it but you don’t understand how or why you got to that level. Do you think that’s normal? I’m here to tell you that that was an emotional reaction and because you weren’t in control of them, your mind and body didn’t know how to process them and the result was chaos.

I can honestly say that there are questions I ask myself now about why I feel the way I feel at specific moments and what I can no longer do is pretend that there aren’t issues there and I can’t be comfortable with how things are because of ‘society’. As a man, I have accepted responsibility for how I’ve been throughout my life and I want to be better.

I can always kick the can down the road but the can will always be there until I pick it up. Until I address my issues head-on then I’ll always manifest suppressed emotions in various ways in my life. It will affect me in several areas of life (as it has). Why should I let that continue?

All I’m saying is that as a man you can continue with how you are or you can strive for more for yourself. Strive for healing. I don’t know about you but I’d rather be in the boat of healing. The reality is that it’s a serious challenge and the hardest part is acknowledging the circumstances which have made me feel like I needed to suppress my emotions but I’m learning it’s ok to do that. It’s ok to accept them, acknowledge them, and consciously integrate them into my being. As long as I work to not let my past circumstances define me now.

Now, you might be a man reading this and not think that any of the above is even important to you.

Or, you might think that it is important but you have so many other things to sort out in your life that you can’t even focus on this.

And to those people I say this — your money won’t hide your emotional issues on a deeper level. The car you drive won’t hide them. Where you work won’t. Who you know won’t. How many women you sleep with won’t.

Because you can’t lie to yourself.

You can’t avoid facing your issues, even if they weren’t your fault. They’ll always be there in your conscious and keep creating experiences in your life that will add to your suffering.

As a society of men, it’s alright for us to feel and embody our emotions. To feel will allow us to tap into true masculinity. To give ourselves to ourselves and others. To express without limitations. If you continue to view your emotions as a weakness then you can’t embrace your true strength because you won’t be in control of yourself. You’ll be able to be pulled and prodded by others and you’ll lose yourself.

You’ll continue seeing the world in black and white instead of the many colours it has.

I don’t know about you but I want more for myself, and my sons and I want to be more for my partner and the people around me. I want to feel.