The Troubled Wife

After the “I do’s “ what happens next?

The reality of marriage now a days are overwhlemed by the expectations seen by everyone on social media and the like platforms and more often acted out on what other’s should expect.

The life you acted to meet the expectation of others might lead one to confusion and probably being troubled, asking “did you make the best decision?” Or have you done something wrong? Or sometimes lead us to question the validity of our commitment and feelings.

As one of the “troubled”, I caught my self in thought of “why is my relationship with my husband is not healthy?” And this actually happened right after few months of my marriage.

As months go on, as we adjust to a married life, as we listen more on life experiences and advices. Here is what I have learn:

1. Sadly, most of the expectations we have are too good to be true, us creating a fairytale marriage and then once something is less expected or did not reached or top to our desire, we consider it failure or negative, or rather jump onto conclusion of being in a bad relationship.

2. We always compare our status to others, might be happy or not. We tend to measure our supposed to be happy life same as theirs, we should be like this because the are happy doing these or if you do like this you might end up like this. We are not the same people, everyone and every relationship is unique in its way such as how you ended up marrying together. That is why we call it “your story” because its your own.

3. Rather expecting on to something, make plans together. In this way, every individual have set goals to achieve in marriage or for your marriage and outside factors are less to interfere. The fact that you laid out your plans and known to each other, means their is transparency later on whatever hurdle or achievement you will have.

4. Being transparent and at the same time creating openness will give you peace and promotes mental health, women are often to think more, over analyze and emotional resulting to conclusions that would not be beneficial at all. Men are often less expressive, cutting communication thus creates a troubled wife. We are not to expect to have a perfect partner but each have its flaws and lifetime with it makes your bond unique.

5. Think positive. A very used and common line to which its power never ceases. Being positive in mind and body will save you from a stressfull and less contented marriage.

6. Dont set for perfection, there is none. If there is, then life would stop, imagine if you have achieve perfection on anything, would you not stop? Obviously, it would be the line, you will not do anything. In marriage, there is no perfection because it will not ever stop. You are bound to discover each flaws, bound to solve endless problems, bound to do things you love and commited to and bound to see your purpose in all things that you do until life permits.

7. Love is what lead you to marriage but commitment will make it last.

At the end of the day, we have found peace, our minds have set us free from the definition of the world of good marriage. Each flaws we discovered are meant to be embraced and every happy moments to be remembered and treasured. The reality is, there is no perfect marriage and even more no certain standard to which is good and not. Misunderstandings, lackings, assets nor capacities will definitely not measure one’s marriage except if it really your purpose for marriage. What matters is the respect for each other, the effort in working out your marriage to maintain peaceful and staying commited to your vows.

Pray, listen to advices of great people around you and never compare. Plan for your needs and wants but never from the expectations of others.