When you are in a relationship with someone, and marriage is the goal; both people must be on board. But how do you make sure that is happening? You begin with open and honest communication. For some couples they embrace the premise of ‘less is more’ and run with it. However, that is not the main ingredients for a successful marriage. For an open, honest, and successful marriage it is recommended to talk out the hard-hitting points before walking down the aisle.
Now that we know we must communicate and be open to each other. What is it that we talk about? Is there anything off limits or are we to be open books to each other? If you are planning on spending the rest of your natural born life with someone, there should be nothing off limits. Here are a quite a few different topics to try out and see where the conversation goes:
• Children are always a huge topic of conversation, and they should be. Do you plan on having children together and if you do what is the role of each partner? Is each partner going to take responsibility for feeding, diaper changing, and rocking to sleep? I know that one point that tends to work for couples is shift work. One partner takes night shift for a few days and then swaps it out with the other for a few nights. This allows both to sleep and rest, baby free. As much as we all love babies, there needs to be baby free time as well.
• Debt is always an important topic to touch on as well. The amount of the debt is always important. Taxes, student debt, federal debt, and childcare debt are usually the big hitters when debt is discussed. Many states have embraced the attitude that once married ‘your debt is my debt, and vice versa’. However, you as a couple will want to touch on this as well and make certain you are honest about what is out there in your name to be prepared.
• Doing things individually is important to keeping autonomy. However, are you both okay with doing things separately? This is not to say anything is secretive, because I am not one who believes in secrets in a marriage. This is to say that everyone needs their ‘thing’. For instance, I do a lot in my immediate community with helping to keep restaurants doors open. I help with events and dinner gatherings to drum up business. My ‘better half’ does not really participate with these events. I am fine with that, and so is he. The great thing is that we always have something to talk about!
• What is your five or even ten-year plan? It might seem like something that does not need to be discussed right away or even before marriage, but it needs discussion. There is nothing chiseled in stone saying that one person cannot alter their plan for the other. However, isn’t it better to know about that before the exchange of vows? It has always been a topic of discussion in my marriage as to where we will retire. Will we stay in Texas or move up north? There is nothing concrete as we are both open to change. But we would not know this if we had not discussed it prior to marriage.
The biggest point I have learned so far is open communication is key no matter what the situations. Whether it be marriage, work, family, or friend relationships; communication is key. That is, if you want them to be successful and long lasting.
Until Next Time,
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