Five lessons to check out for before marriage.

Marriage is a significant milestone in one's life. It's a commitment that demands a good deal of emotional investment, time, and effort. While some jump headfirst into the commitment, others take a more measured approach and think about it carefully. Regardless of your stance, there are a few things you must consider before getting married. Here are five things to look out for before marriage.

Sexual openness. Note Not sexual desire, because women's desire can sharply nosedive within a long term monogamous relationship. Desire also waxes and wanes over time and throughout different life stages (for instance, women's sex drive when nursing is particularly low). A higher level of hormonally-fueled honeymoon stage sexual desire can also mask a deeper level of anxiety or closedmindedness about sex. Then, when the woman's hormonally-driven sexual desire decreases, the husband is left with a woman who may indicate disgust for him and for sex in general. If a woman is open about sex, including discussing her attitudes about it, her sexual history, then she will likely continue to be more open toward sex even when her desire is lower. Some men want a woman with a very limited sexual history, to play out a fantasy of the husband being the only one who unlocks the wife's sexuality. Unless this couple meets in high school, a woman having a very limited sexual history and a general timidity toward and/or shame about sex is going to predict issues with sex later on. General rule: if you're a guy with a high sex drive who wants a lot of sex within marriage, find a woman who has already had a healthy sex life and discusses sex openly. Then you can weather the ups and downs of sex drive and not fall into a sexless marriage.

Attractive. This is subjective of course, but guys who feel they have lucked out by marrying attractive wives end up happier overall. It's science! Attractiveness isn't everything, but, particularly for males who are more visually oriented, it is something that can keep a man feeling happier and better able to withstand monotogamy. Note that if you are marrying a woman primarily for her body, her body may change drastically after kids. Try to marry someone who has a "margin of error," so that if they gain weight or go gray or anything else, you still think they are pretty hot. This goes for men and woman both, although women seem to mind men's general aging-related deterioration less, as we aren't as visually-oriented, biologically.

Intelligence and education level similar to yourself. When a man feels like he has married a woman who is less intelligent or educated than himself, this only stays "cute" in the initial dating phase, or possible early marriage. I have many intelligent male clients who married women whom they always, in the back of their minds, considered less intelligent than themselves. They felt other variables compensated, like the aforementioned looks and sex, and kindness or a fun personality. However, later in the marriage, men find it very hard to let their wives make key decisions about child rearing, money management, and more, if they doubt their wives' intelligence. In the 1950's, many women played the "ditz" card with their husbands, who may have found it endearing. This worked when the husbands were expected to have the final word in all important decisions. Nowadays, women want, and should have, an equal voice in childrearing and home management, and if their husbands look down on their decision-making capacity, this will lead to extensive resentment and conflict.

Inlaws that allow the woman to become a separate adult. Many men are very frustrated with a wife whose family keeps her in a "little girl" role (and this is true for women whose husbands are treated as cutely irresponsible boys far into adulthood by their parents, as well). Read about this dynamic here, for both genders. Some guys are fine with marrying "Daddy's girl" who always calls her dad for financial advice and if she has a flat tire, even after marriage. Some guys are not, and always find themselves competing with their wife's dad (or sometimes brothers) for their wife's admiration and respect. In couples counseling, I have had women outright compare their husbands (unfavorably) to their own fathers. This is a dynamic that will not resolve ever; even when the father passes away, you'll be compared to his memory, which will become even more idealized over time.