Dancing with a Narcissist

It was January 25th, 2014. I am an independent, successful, single mom of three for 5 1/2 years. On this particular Saturday, I attend a family birthday party with my best friend. And this is where it all began with one glance.

As we arrived to the party and we were getting her kids out of the car, I see this tall, dark, handsome, bad-boy wearing a black Chicago Cub's hat crossing the street. I thought to myself, "Mmmmmm, he's hot." I couldn't look away as I watched him strut across the street into the party. I have to admit it to I was a little disappointed that he only glanced my way. I don't think he saw me or if he did he didn't seem interested in me. I should have acknowledged that red flag and left him alone.

As my best friend and I sat at a table in the far corner of the party. I found myself not being able to keep my eyes off of him. His cousin came over to our table to greet us. As we were talking, I casually asked her, "Whose the guy in the cub's hat?" She looked over at the general direction I was motioning to and told me that was her cousin. I asked her, "Do you think he would be down for a one-night stand?" She giggled a bit and responded that she didn't know but she would ask him.

After she left our table she made a beeline over to the group of guys that he was hanging out with. About 10 mins later he showed up at our table and sat down to talk to me. We introduced ourselves and talked for a little while trying to get to know each other. It was a little awkward. I struggled to keep a conversation going between us. I kept thinking to myself to not stare. I had seen something wrong with his eye but didn’t want to ask. As we made small talk we discovered we had a mutual acquaintance. As we parted ways after the party we made plans to meet up later that night at my best friend's house and go to a club downtown.

He showed up at my friend's house and the three of us headed to the club. Coincidentally we ran into our mutual acquaintance at the club. When all of us girls were in the lady's room my best friend blurts out that our acquaintance has had sex with him. So I did the only proper thing I could think of to do. I asked her if it was cool if I got with him? She laid no claim to him and told me to go for it. After the club, we headed back to my best friend's house and spent the night together. In the morning when we woke up I kicked him out because my best friends kids were coming home.

The next day his pursuit of me began. We talked every day. Red flag #2. In the beginning I could hear him texting while we were talking on the phone and I would tell him “don’t text other girls when your talking to me.” And I would end the phone call. He started to come over to my house every day or I would go to his to stay the night. Red flag #3. After 3 months, my sister and I decided to let him move in and pay rent since he was here most of the time anyway. Red flag #4. It wasn't even a full year before he cheated on me. In the years that followed we have 3 good years out of 7 from 2014 - 2021.

In the beginning, I considered myself a victim. I stopped being a victim in 2016 when I cheated on him. He did not find out about my indiscretion until 2019 when I made the mistake of talking about it to a high school friend on Facebook. He read my messages and that’s how he found out. My payback as he called it, his revenge, was the most horrible anniversary gift I will ever receive, I am not sure anything can top the shock or inflict more pain. The morning of our anniversary he asked me to find a video for him on his phone in his google drive. As I look through his videos, I come across a video that was just black. Curiously I play the video. It wasn’t long that I realized I am seeing my husband having sexual Inter course with a random female. This is one gift I will never forget. On a side note: I take my hat off to him. He is the winner of revenge. That will always be the best ever act of revenge anyone has sought on me.

January 25, 2014 just might be the most regrettable day in my life.

Even after all this pain and hurt we are still together in this toxic marriage, dancing to the rythym of (his) the narcassits beat.