Challenging The Bonds

Growing up, LaToya had never considered the implications of being Black and her husband, Alan being Asian. It had never mattered much to them when they met in college, but it mattered to everyone else around them.

When Alan first met LaToya at a mutual class they attended together, he was smitten by her infectious laugh, how smart she was, and her warm personality. For LaToya, it was clear from the get-go that Alan was a special person who accepted and loved her no matter what she looked like and just as she was.

She said yes, of course. Alan had just finished taking her to Epcot the night of their engagement, where he was dropping hints all day. While they were out, Alan's friend Chris set up an intricate candle display in the shape of a heart; roses of every color adorned the room, suffusing it with the scent of lavender and fresh roses all around the couple's apartment. LaToya had never felt more special in her life.

However, when news of their engagement got out, Alan's family, both in the United States and Hong Kong he's family responded coolly. They didn't outright disapprove but didn't offer their approval either. Less than a week later, the truth came out: Alan's family couldn't accept a colored woman as a suitable match for him. They didn't flat out say it, but the message was clear: they wanted Alan to find a suitable Asian partner.

LaToya spoke fluent Chinese and tried to reason with Alan's family, but it was like talking to a wall. One of Alan's aunts even suggested that LaToya was brainwashing him! It seemed unfair and cruel, but LaToya was determined to fight for the man she loved.

Her parents, on the other hand, were supportive of their love. But there were whispers and comments all around; some expressed what was already on their faces, and some hid it deep inside them. LaToya's best friend is an unapologetic feminist. She believed in racial equality and justice and supported her all this while.

As their wedding date approached, LaToya found the stress of dealing with her in-laws' prejudice taking its toll on her. To make matters worse, they come from rigidly traditional cultures with their share of gendered expectations, and her pursuing a Ph.D. wasn't in that expectation. It seemed like a lost cause, but LaToya didn't back down.

After weeks of stress, tears, and uncertainty, the couple ultimately decided to go through with the wedding. They knew it would take time for Alan's family to come around, but they were willing to be patient.

The wedding day came, and it was everything the couple had dreamed of. The church was resplendent with floral designs, and LaToya looked like a vision in white with her pure gold Chinese crown. Alan looked quite debonair in his midnight blue suit. As they exchanged vows, LaToya looked around at the friends and family who had come to celebrate with them. It felt amazing to be surrounded by so much love and support. Today would also be the day Alan and LaToya will find out they are pregnant.

As weeks turned into months, Alan's family began warming to the idea of LaToya as part of their family. She slowly broke down barriers, becoming intelligent, kind, funny, and a great soon-to-be mother. LaToya even helped Alan's aunt run the family restaurant for the day, and it was fun. She shared her own family's delicious soul food recipes and cooked dinner for them every once in a while. LaToya and Alan attended family gatherings during holidays, eventually welcoming their newborn Aria into the world. With time, the prejudice had dissipated, and more importantly, the first crack in the unspoken rule of marriage only within the Asian community had been breached.