An Honest Mistake

During the first five years of marriage, you and your new spouse do just about everything together: Cleaning the house, walking the dog, washing the cars, laundry and grocery shopping are a few of the common activities.

Life before children is a precious time and should not be wasted. You must get out and do things together, whatever it is that you both enjoy- Go Do It! Trust me in this, life’s endless chores and responsibilities with children will get in the way of all the enjoyment it is possible to have. Carpe diem!

About 40 years ago, one rainy day in late September found us at the local Shop & Save grocery outlet restocking our larder. We had items on a list to ensure nothing was omitted, The seasonal wild game harvest my dear wife and I had gathered was quite successful and as a result: We had salmon to smoke and can, caribou to cut and wrap, a few ducks and two Canada Geese; one for Christmas and the other for Easter, it’s a family tradition. There was also the harvest from our small backyard garden and greenhouse to put up as well. Being canning season, there was lots of food related preparations planned for the next few weeks, so this was a supply mission for other important work ahead.

An inventory count for various sized Mason jars was performed to ensure we had enough per our harvest estimates, I have since learned you cannot have too many Mason jars, but the top caps and screw rings seem to grow legs and disappear somewhere, so more of these were acquired.

My job that day was to push the cart and go fetch specific items to be found in other places in the store. It took a few previous months in this role, but I did catch on to where products were located in the store, but the bastards change product locations based on merchandising deals I’m told. Still I was much further ahead with knowing where the basics were, and I would improvise by some form of grocery logic to ultimately find what I was sent to get.

I was tasked to get a large bag of canning salt from a couple isles over, so I guided the cart to the described destination and hefted a large bag of sodium chloride into the cart and set off in search of my wife who was somewhere in the store acquiring other items on the list.

Exploring the two adjacent isles she was nowhere to be seen. Rounding a display of Cheetos on sale, I saw her up ahead bent over a produce counter of green peppers I think it was.

I slowly walked up behind her and in long established normal practice, I gently patted her butt followed by a brief squeeze and I was shocked and aghast when a complete stranger turned quickly to face me.

Her expression was befuddling, I couldn’t tell if she was angry or still thinking about how to react. She was probably considering the surprised expression on my face in my embarrassment. Immediately I began an apologetic stuttering presentation hoping the woman would not go ballistic on me. She was wearing the same dark hoodie jacket and blue jeans as my wife, and she had a butt very similar to my spouse’s. Even her light brown hair was similar to my wife’s normal style.

I explained my error was in assuming she was my wife by wearing the similar wardrobe, and I was very sorry for the mistake.

I then heard my wife’s chuckling voice behind me asking, “What did he do this time?” Obviously, she was not talking to me, but the woman I accosted had a large smile forming on her face. I turned around to explain my miscalculation and pointed out how they were similarly dressed, and anybody could have made the same error.

They both laughed at my embarrassment, the stranger saying she could understand the mix-up and was not offended.

This brief story has been retold numerous times by my wife usually to remind me that I do make mistakes. I have also amended my greeting practices, so I do not make the same mistake again.