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Time To Have Secs

Every second of sex counts.

By K. Wisendanger Published about a month ago 7 min read
Time To Have Secs
Photo by Mathieu Stern on Unsplash


Sex is important to maintain a healthy relationship. Every second during sex counts. Lack of sex and poor quality of sex can adversely impact your mood and well-being in both apparent and subtle ways.

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1.What Is Sex?

Sex is more than a part of biology.

It’s a moment where you should be able to freely express your emotions physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically.

It is a moment where you should be free to express yourself respectfully; it is a moment of intimate democracy.

Physical stimulation and penetration is just one part of the equation.

Sex is a sensual stimulation of the mind, body, and senses

— a whole-body sensation that should please your desires and imagination.

It is a moment to where everything connects; the mind, the body, and emotions are in cooperation.

The S.E.X. acronym stands for Sensual Erotic Xperience.

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2. How Do You Like Sex?

Do you sexually know what you want, and you need?

The sexual experience should be pleasurable to all parties, indeed.

When it comes to your sexual desires, you shouldn’t have to settle nor make modifications,

nor should you have to force yourself to meet someone else’s qualifications.

If you want sex in abundance, you should not be with someone who wants sex in moderation.

If you desire lengthy sex, you should not be with someone who can only last a limited duration.

You may want a combination of both slow, and acceleration.

Or you may want speeds that have a gradual accumulation.

Sex should be a combination of both fixation and variation.

You should also get your satisfaction out of the moment —opposed to involving yourself with someone who is only concerned with getting their climax.

Please do not deal with those who only have their mind on self-gratification.

Sexually settling is going to do nothing but lead to infidelity or the accumulation of sexual frustration.

So, seek a companion who can meet your expectations.

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3. Dealing With Sexual Frustration

If your relationship is experiencing sexual stagnation,

that is a very strong indication,

that you and your partner need to open the doors to communication.

Without confrontation,

have a heart-to-heart conversation.

Remember you initially loved this person, so your bond should be your primary obligation.

Never assume the worst;

at times there can be a legitimate explanation,

as to why intimacy is in a state of declination.

It’s natural to have suspicions

but never jump to conclusions.

There needs to be a comprehensive conversation—

without extensive interrogation, unjustified accusations, and intangible allegations.

Your sex life may need innovation

but only do so if you both can mutually agree to the alterations.

Then, there is the harsh truth that your relationship may be dead and there is no hope of resuscitation.

It happens. That spark may just not be there anymore, and your bond has reached its expiration.

If that’s the case, then you should not give anyone else a sexual opportunity or invitation,

until your relationship has officially come to a cessation.

You also should not jump into another intimate partnership if there are any hopes of reconciliation or restoration of your previous situation.

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4. Sex And Foreplay

Love language is the sexual foundation.

It sharpens and strengthens admiration.

Everything during sex, and that leads up to sex counts. From the foreplay, to the breaking the ice through dating, to the in depth empathetic and active listening, alongside of the in-depth conversations.

Breaking the ice, and dating is sexual preparation.

Sex is a language that pleads the fifth;

the moans, the facial expressions, and the intimate expressions speak silently.

Maybe she wants you to choke her, but make sure you do not do it violently.

Sometimes there is foreplay before intercourse, sometimes there is intercourse before foreplay, sometimes there is conversation and intercourse, then more conversation.

That is to say…sexual stimulation does not always occur chronologically.

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5. Are You Sexually Satisfied?

Have you ever had sex and didn’t quite know how it happened or why it happened, and you didn’t expect it to happen…?

Did you feel remorse or regret after the session?

Were you manipulated, or under any duress is the magic question?

Was your conscience flooding your mind with voices of opposing suggestions?

If the answer is no to any of these questions, then lust is out of the question.

If it happened consciously, then there is a genuine affection and potentially a soul connection.

This is especially the case if the feelings are mutual, and it is not a sole affection.

This is certainly the case if after the moment your whole body and personality radiantly glows, not just partially, or in sections.

Don’t feel bad. Sometimes there is a singular or series of strong constant impressions that lead to an instant connection.

Embrace your decision if it happened at your discretion.

It did not happen ironically.

So quit beating yourself up about it constantly.

Sex is a spiritual, universal, convincing, language that can only be experienced and not expressed logically.

Our hearts speak both sub-textually and subconsciously.

Romance, falling in love, or getting involved in a relationship does not have a strict set time frame or a set chronology.

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6. Benefits Of Sex

Have you ever heard the song by Marvin Gaye “Sexual Healing”

That is evidence that sex is more than an intense pleasurable feeling. Sex floods your brain with all sorts of pleasurable chemicals that make you feel good while reducing the stress hormone cortisol. Dopamine impacts the brain’s pleasure and rewards center, endorphins reduce pain and stress, and the benefits of Oxytocin will be described in the next paragraph.

According to a CNN health article written by Sandee Lamotte called “Ten health benefits of having more sex” a chemical called Oxytocin is released during sex which promotes feelings of well-being, and happiness, and boosts the mood. A study conducted between 1989 and 2012 of 30,000 men and women has shown that having sex at least once a week in a committed relationship was enough to make people happy. Sex can also ward off depression. Studies have also shown men and women who have sex with their partners have greater satisfaction with their mental health. But you don’t get these benefits from masturbation, casual sex, and hookups. Some studies have shown people who had an orgasm without a hook-up or partner had lower levels of happiness, and self-esteem, and higher levels of depression and anxiety. Sex increases intimacy. According to Anik Debrot a clinical psychologist at University in Switzerland, sex does not have to be intercourse for there to be positive effects. “Moments that were experienced as erotic or sexually arousing were just as predictive as positive emotions, Debrot says. More touch and non-sexual affection can increase intimacy. “It is not so much the number of orgasms or how vigorous the sexual experience that contributes to a woman’s sexual satisfaction but it's about how close she feels to the person she is having sex with through kissing and cuddling as well as the orgasms. That is the key to her emotional and physical well-being, which benefits her health her heart and everything else, Doctor Laura Berman says, an educator and relationship therapist. Having sex regularly increases levels of Immunoglobulin A – an antibody in the immune system. When tests were conducted at a university the results shown students who were in longer term satisfying relationships had the highest amounts of Immunoglobulin A, boosting their immune system decreasing the chance of catching common colds and opportunistic infections.

By Mathieu Stern on Unsplash

7. Alternate Uses Of Sexual Energy

In Ancient times, sexual energy was considered wholesome and divine.

In many cultures ranging from Egyptians, oriental, and Native American they had vast knowledge of the chakras – especially the root chakra located near the base of the spine.

When channeled, sexual energy can be used for healing purposes, a practice in Ancient Taoist practices. Both men and women were given specific exercises to help amplify and multiply their orgasms. Once people were aware of their Ching Chi energy, they were trained to specifically t control the body and mind and focus that energy, circulate it allowing them to experience the euphoria of the full body orgasm.

In many martial arts practices conserving sexual energy was the key to building up vital energy (Chi), which increases physical strength, and extends endurance. This practice was commonly known as Sexual Kung-Fu resulting in healing, divinity, and astral projection. The vital energy known as Chi is amplified to extra-ordinary levels by incorporating sexual restraint and celibacy - circulating the Chi using it during live combat causing damage to their opponents with minimal effort utilizing internal strength directed from inward to outward – used in Tai Chi.

By Maxence Pira on Unsplash

8.What Makes Sex Better?

Some like it during drunkenness,

Some like it during sobriety,

Some like it public,

Some like it privately,

Some like it basic,

Some like it lively,

Some like it spontaneous,

Some like it routine and timely,

Sex varies amongst our society.

A suggestive cause of dissatisfaction, and sexual frustration

is when the quality does not match the quantity.

There must be a chemistry:

you must meet one another’s sexual needs consistently, and constantly.

Commonly, it has been proven sex is always better when it happens surprisingly.

Most importantly, sex is better when it comes in many forms, forms that are of a variety.

In conclusion, sex is always better when you connect with their whole being in entirety.

how to

About the Creator

K. Wisendanger

A literary architect who builds worlds with words.

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