The Regina Phenomenon

You remember Regina George right? The ultimate mean girl?

You’ve probably encountered your fair share of “Regina’s” in life. I know I have. But that was in high school right? Yeah, I thought so too. I was so not prepared for the Regina’s of adult life. They are so much worse. Mostly because their mean girl tendencies can’t be played down to immaturity or lack of life experience. No. These are full blown adults who know exactly what they’re doing, and do it anyway. You might encounter them in your work life, in parenting groups, or sometimes, your own family. Rest assured, they are out there.

I remember watching the scene in Mean Girls when Cady is narrating something along the lines of “I hated Regina George, but for some reason I still cared what she thought about me”. Google is totally letting me down on the exact quote, but you get the idea. This has stuck with me forever, because it is so damn accurate in capturing how these toxic people affect us.

So, if like me, you naively thought you’d left the Regina’s far behind you in a past life, only to find they are ever present in adulthood, here are some handy tips on how to spot a ‘Regina’.

Usually attractive. I hate to say it, but it’s true. Ultimate definition of beauty only being skin deep. And let’s face it, as horrible as it is to admit out loud, society would never forgive an unattractive person for behaving like such an asshole.

Self-doubt? What’s that? They have absolutely unbridled confidence. These people can have the most uneducated of opinions, but they believe themselves so whole-heartedly, and are so convincing in their delivery that they can have you questioning yourself on whether you actually know anything about that subject you wrote a 50 page thesis on…

They’re mean to your face, but think you don’t notice. You find them intimidating, so you might be a bit more reserved around them. They mistake this for you being completely void of a brain and think they can bag you out to your face, and that you’re not going to pick up on it. Usually you’re either just too polite, or scared, to pull them up on it.

Superiority complex. They are the exception to every rule. It doesn’t matter if you came from the same town, went to the same school, grew up in the same street. They are better than you. And don’t you forget it! Condescension is their main communication tool. You might never live up to their standards, but bless your little cotton socks for trying!

It’s incredibly hard to get them out of your life. They are usually someone who it isn’t easy to just not associate with. And so you are stuck in the never ending cycle of approval seeking and second guessing because you just can’t get away.

You don’t like them, but you care what they think. This is the giant red flag that lets you know that this person is definitely a Regina. Possibly the most annoying bi-product of the ‘Regina’ phenomenon.

These are some general indicators.

Some specific to me are things like being rendered mute when in the company of people like this. Like, cannot find any of the words. If you know me, you know i’m all about the words. Public speaking and debating were hobbies of mine in high school, and there ain’t nothin’ like a good essay! But when there’s a Regina around? The words do not exist. The brain to mouth function ceases. I feel stupid and then I feel vulnerable and then I feel anxious, all because of someone who I don’t even like? Do I? Maybe I wish we were best friends? OMG please like me….!

This is what I like to refer to as the ‘Regina’ phenomenon.

I’m yet to find a solution to dealing with life’s Regina’s. But i’d at least like to consider myself a pro at spotting one.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep trying to follow my own path and stop trying to live up to the crazy expectations of the Regina’s in life. If anything is motivation for that, it’s motherhood. After all, I’m someone’s example now.