Lifehack logo

5 Ways to Reframe your Thoughts and Shift your Mindset

How to reset your default settings for positive mental health.

By Jessie WaddellPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
15
Photo by Franciele da Silva on Unsplash

As someone who spends an unreasonable amount of time trying to be a decent human being, I get a little disheartened when my fellow adults use the “This is who I am, take it or leave it” trope as an excuse to justify poor behaviour.

The idea that behaving like a jerk is out of our control because of our personality barely flies in the schoolyard, let alone into our adult years. Call it what you like, nature versus nurture, personality versus behaviour— the bottom line is that there is who we are, intrinsically, and what we do, based on choices we make.

When we behave in a certain way for a long enough period of time, it becomes our default setting. So it’s easy to see how these behaviours can get confused with being part of our personality. But, like any habit, with enough perseverance, we can change our default behaviours and ultimately shift our mindsets for a more harmonious existence.

By reframing or swapping these 5 things, we can make a profound shift in our mindset and open ourselves up to new possibilities:

1. Instead of Judgement, Try Curiosity

Many of us operate as judge, jury and executioner without a trial. We can be extremely hard on both ourselves and those around us regarding our ideas of right and wrong. This isn’t a healthy way to operate. People rarely behave the way they do for the reasons we think. When we are curious about why people do what they do, we allow ourselves to become more accepting instead of judging them for it. Judgement is confining; curiosity is liberating.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”

― Albert Einstein

2. Instead of Assumption, Try Empathy

You know what they say about people who assume….The thing about assumptions is that they’re easy. It’s easy to draw uninformed conclusions and decide that we know best. It’s easy to offer our worldly wisdom and pat ourselves on the back because we had good intentions regardless of how it lands. That is why many of us default there. Empathy is difficult, but it can be learned. The very first step is learning how to truly listen. When we step away from ourselves and learn to walk in the shoes of others, we learn what is of real value in human relationships. Advice or solutions are often the last things people need from us. When we recognise that, we begin to truly connect with others.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”

― John Joseph Powell

3. Instead of Brutal Honesty, Try Thoughtful Feedback

Being an honest person doesn’t give you a licence to be a jerk. Period. You can be honest in a thoughtful way. The three key questions when considering brutal honesty are to ask—Do they need to hear it? Do they need to hear it from me? Do they need to hear it now? If you answer no to any of those three questions, it’s safe to say that the only person who will benefit from your honesty is yourself and your over-inflated ego from having gotten it off your chest. If you answer yes to those questions, then ensure that your feedback is direct, to the point and, wherever possible, kind.

“People evolve, and so your relationships must evolve with them. Care personally; don’t put people in boxes and leave them there.”

― Kim Malone Scott

4. Instead of Expectations, Try Understanding

The most direct route to disappointment is to create expectations. Unfortunately, it is difficult to reflect that it is often our expectations rather than a person's actions or response that elicits disappointment. We can only ever control our side of the coin. By approaching things with a mindset to understand rather than expect, we can mitigate the risk of unintentionally projecting negativity onto others because of unmet needs based on our own, often unrealistic expectations of others.

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”

― Donald Miller

5. Instead of Holding On, Try Letting Go

Holding onto things often does more harm to the person doing the holding than the person who did the thing we are holding onto. When we sit on unresolved feelings of anger, resentment or hurt, it simmers away beneath the surface like a pot waiting to boil over. Seek closure, seek resolve, but be willing to make peace with the fact that you may get neither. Letting go can be difficult, especially when intrusive thoughts start to break down our mental barriers, but ultimately, learning to make this your default setting will set you free.

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”

― Charlotte Bronte

A common theme with default settings is that they are often the easier of the two options. They take less effort, so that is why we continue on that route. While reframing our thoughts is hard work, the effort is worth the outcome when it comes to our mental health.

A simple way to start is by applying the first option of choosing curiosity over judgement to ourselves. If we are curious about our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, we can operate on a better level of self-awareness. The next time something sparks a negative response within yourself, I challenge you to question whether your mindset contributed to that response rather than the actions of the person you are blaming (while being aware that it very well could be both).

Most of all, be compassionate toward yourself. Changing embedded or learned behaviours that have become our default settings takes time, patience and practice.

We won’t always get it right and are not immune to falling victim to old habits even when we think we have hit the reset button for good.

list
15

About the Creator

Jessie Waddell

I have too many thoughts. I write to clear some headspace. | Instagram: @thelittlepoet_jw |

"To die, would be an awfully big adventure"—Peter Pan | Vale Tom Brad

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.