How to overcome fear & self-doubt

The two cousins

We are going to learn how to overcome the two cousins called fear and self-doubt. I am going to introduce you to Cassandra. We are going to get to know her so that we can all be friends.

Who is Cassandra?

Cassandra is that negative little voice in our heads. She is the voice that keeps criticizing and judging us. She has been called many names such as our unconscious minds or our irrational fears, just to name a few.

Why talk about Cassandra?

After years of trying to quite her, I am finally realising that she just will not shut up! I decided to take the advice of the old saying “if you can not beat them, then join them." I am glad I did because in getting to know Cassandra, I realized what valuable information and direction she has been giving me all these years. If we learn how to listen, Cassandra actually tells us exactly what it is that we should be doing.

How to listen to Cassandra

The key is to listen to her. Welcome her into our lives the same way we would any other long lost friend.

1. Set a goal, that is, determine what it is we want to achieve. For example, do we want a closer relationship with our spouse or do we want to start that business we have been thinking about now for years?
2. Determine our why. We must ask ourselves and honestly answer the question: “why do we want to achieve this goal?” For instance, are we searching for the missing link in our lives, or do we want more money?
3. Listen keenly to exactly what Cassandra is saying – the good, the bad, and the in-between. Write it all down and keep it near. This is the most valuable information that we will get from her.
4. Thank Cassandra. We have set our goal (to have a closer relationship with our spouse, for example) and we have determined our why. She probably told us that God can’t love someone like us; that we suck; that we won’t make it and that we will never succeed. She told us that we are not good enough and that we will fail. And she took a low blow and told us that our family and friends will laugh at us. She reminded us about how comfortable things are just the way they are; she told us that there is no need for change.
5. Come up with a concrete plan outlining how we are going to achieve our goal. Be warned, Cassandra will start to kick and scream again. Do not worry, that is just how she is; it is her nature. She is just telling us everything that can go wrong with our plan. Document everything that she is saying.

How to interpret and use what we heard from Cassandra

Cassandra has shown us our fears. We can use our fears as a catalyst to propel us forward. And that is exactly what we are going to do with our list of things that she told us.

Cassandra in her attempts to keep us where we are has actually given us the fuel we need to move forward. As we take action, persevere, and follow-through, the louder she will scream, and the harder she will kick. This is a very good thing because this is how we know that that we are on the right track. Please note that achieving our goal does not signify the end of her.

Concluding words

It is easier to face and act in spite of our fears when we know exactly what those fears are. Factor into step 5 from above a plan to deal with these fears.

Know that things never go according to plan, but it is better to have a plan than to not have one. We will get derailed but we should not give up. This is where our why from step 2 comes in.

Anything good that is worth achieving takes time. That is the difference between people who achieve and those who do not. Those who achieve did not give up when the going got rough. As my mother would say “If yuh waan gud, yuh nose affi run” (Jamaican patois). Translation: Rome was not built in a day. Some of the most famous people failed time and time again, but they never gave up.