How to (imperfectly) create a boob and penis pot

Boobs and big, small or an odd shaped penis. We have all seen them, laughed at them, loved them, encouraged people to flaunt them, be proud of them and often when they are our own...we have been either ashamed or extremely proud of them. So with that in mind, I decided to take inspiration from my less than perfect boobs, and my partners more than perfect penis, and create these extremely veiny, stretch mark filled, saggy and bent penis and boob pots. And now, I am going to share my 'expert' knowledge with you.

You're welcome.

It all started with my own boredom. I have an artisic streak, ( be it not a very good one ) and I enjoy creative hobbies, to keep me busy when all else fails. So I was browsing the Amazon hobby section, (yes I literally just typed in 'hobbies for adults' ) and I came across clay. Now, I had tried to dip my toe in the water of Polymer clay a few years ago and I failed...terribly. It is way to small and fiddly to me, not to mention the finish needs to be more perfect. But, over the years I have seen the mishaped plant pots, odd shaped trinket dishes and odd bowls all over Etsy and other smaller seller platforms, and I thought to myself...fuck it, I can do that.

So after 30 minutes of research, ( on YouTube ) and £50 (ish) worth of necessities later, I gathered my new found expert knowledge and a whole lot of enthusiasm and created these...

I know, I know, it's hard to believe such perfection could be created from so little research but what can I say...

I've seen a lot of tits and dicks!

So here is my gift to you, my secrets and wisdom on what basic supplies you need and where to find them, the average cost and my overall 'technique' on how to create such 'realistic' sculptures.

Again...You're welcome.

Tools

So one thing you will need is tools. You can choose to improvise with things around your house or you can buy a small set to help you with your craft. Personally, I bought a small wooden set as they were not particuarly expensive and I have found them to be incredibly helpful.

Something to cut, something to smooth, something to poke and something to cut the clay with. Plus any extras for textures and general poking of course.

This set I attained was only £7.99 on Amazon UK. They had everything I needed to cut and smooth my clay. Including clay cutting garrot and a sponge to smooth out any unwanted textures.

Cutting Mat

This is a very important purchase that should be made and only a tiny investment. A cutting mat will prevent the obvious...unnecerssary cutting of anything other than clay, but will also aide both stabilising the support of the clay when it needs moving, (to dry) and help to keep any mess (reasonably) in one place.

At only £3.47 on Amazon UK for a 5 layer, double sided mat, they are a more than worthy investment.

Air-Drying Clay

Of course the obvious ingredient is also the most necessary one...the clay itself. While smaller weights are available, I suggest buying a larger amount as it works out MUCH cheaper. For example, 1kg could set you back £5-£10 but 12.5kg only cost me £19.99 on Amazon UK. Definitely worth the investment. Plus, it will last much longer and go much further.

Acrylic Paints

Now while paints, and in particular acrylic paints, are not necerssarily a necessity they are important if you wish to add some colour to your finished products. Of course, you could choose to leave your boobs and penises stone or terracota coloured but then where is the excitement of painting the phallic a chocolate brown, or adding extra peach to your already peachy nipples.

I paid £8.99 on Amazon UK, for a set of 24 small paints to get you started, that also came with the added benefit of a carry case, paint palette, 10 brushes and 2 A5 canvasases.

Bargain!

Clay-Proof Sealant

This is particularly important if you wish to water resist your pots for plants for example. Generally, clay is supposed to be finished in a kiln at temperatures of about 1000, in order to seal it to be water tight. However, air-drying clay is not designed for a kiln but is also not air-tight. Clay-proof sealant prevents leaks and can make even air-drying clay water proof. This product has been especially helpful to me, as my intention is to turn my boobie and penis pots into plant pots, for my ever expanding flower and plant collection.

Now this bottle is £11.02 on Amazon UK, and is only 250ml. However, you only need a small amount on a sponge, to then coat over your pots once they are have fully dried, (approximately 24 hours) and a further few hours to dry if you decide to paint them. The sealant takes around 6 hours to dry, so while a lengthy process, remember patience is key when creating art.

EXTRAS!

• A pot of water to smooth out the clay when needed
• Clingfilm to stop the clay sticking to any moulds (pots for example) and to help prevent the clay sticking to the mat.
• Rolling pin...to roll out the clay of course
• Patience...Lots and lots of patience

Create!

So now you have all of the necessary basics to make your own boobie and penis pot. The best advice I can give you for the process of actually making is...trial and error.

I watched a couple of YouTube videos, and took snippets of ideas from them and created my own process. It will no doubt change as my experience progresses along with my ability. But, in the meantime these are the points I followed...

1. Lay clingfilm on the cutting mat, to help prevent the clay from sticking to it as it can be rather wet and hard to work with otherwise.
2. Take the desired amount of clay and roll it with the rolling pin, over the clingfilm on the cutting mat.
3. Once rolled out to approximately 0.5-1 cm thick, either mould it around a pot to create a shape or shape it into a pot yourself, (I chose the latter).
4. Cut a circular piece of clay, slightly larger than the pot circumference, and attach it to the bottom of your newly shaped pot, (Smooth any creases out with a touch of water).
5. Once you have shaped and smoothed out your pot with your tools and sponge, start moulding the boobs and penis, (depending on the pot you desire).
6. To shape the boobs, take 2 pieces of clay, around the same size and roll into balls. Once you are happy with the size, shape the balls into teardrops, (or any particular shape of boob you wish) and attach them to the pot with some manipulation, a little water for smoothing and a lot of patience.
7. To shape the penis, take 2 pieces of clay for the balls, (literally) and attach them to the pot. Then, begin shaping the actual penis and attach in any way or shape you desire.
8. Smooth out the design with a little water and make sure it is all secure, before then adding the finishing touches...nipples and details.

I chose to draw on the nipples as little hearts, (just cute) and I added some veins to the penis for a little touch of reality. I also found it to be particularly important to me to add stretch marks to the female pot and to make the boobs slightly uneven and a little imperfect. After all, imperfections are reality and are what make us so unique and beautiful.

9. Once you have left your pot to dry for 24 hours, paint it your desired colours and leave it to further dry before adding clay-proof sealant.

And VOILA you have your own tit and/or dick pot.

I know genius right?

You're welcome!

I hope you found this article both fun and useful. Your love is all of the encouragement I need but your tips certainly help.