How to Become a Millionaire!

At the time this article is being written, there are 14.6 million millionaires on earth (according to Google), and a further 2,208 billionaires according to the Forbes 2018 Rich List (however, this figure is most likely inaccurate as I don’t believe they include criminals or world leaders in their lists). In any case, there are 7.5 billion people on the planet, meaning only 0.002% of people are millionaires, this despite a lot of people wanting to be a part of this exclusive club. So, since I like helping people out, I thought I’d write this article and help you become a millionaire. I mean how hard could it be?

(Warning: I am not a millionaire and know little about money.)

The first method I want to tell you about is asking people for money, like begging, just in a more respectable way. Allow me to introduce you to Mike Haynes, he graduated high school in 1987 and like millions of students worldwide, grimaced when he found out how gosh darn expensive his higher education would be: $28,000, about $61,000 in today’s money. However Mike was a resourceful man of the 80s, so he (presumably) dusted off his shoulder pads and came up with an ingenious plan to fund his education. He calculated that if he asked 2.8 million good people for a penny he’d have enough money. So, wasting no time, he wrote to a newspaper and asked them to tell their readers about his cause. It must have been a slow news day because they actually did as he asked and incredibly Mike received more cash than he needed from their readers.

But how does this story benefit you? Well, with some basic maths we can work out that you’d need to receive 100 million pennies to make one million dollars, the minimum amount of money required to become a millionaire. Now you might be thinking “Yeah, but how am I meant to reach that many people you idiot?!” To which I would reply: Don’t call me an idiot. And, with the internet, you can definitely reach 100 million nice people willing to give you a penny. All you would need to do to get the money is set up a webpage where they can send you a penny (or maybe even more) via the POWER OF THE INTERNET. It would probably also help if you promoted the website on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. You might laugh at this idea but just last year, in 2017, a 16-year-old boy by the name of Carter Wilkinson scored unlimited free chicken nuggets for a whole year from Wendy’s thanks to Twitter users retweeting his cause, and free nuggets are nothing to sneer at so who’s to say the same won’t happen to you?

In short: make a website asking for donations of one penny, promote that website on social media (and with some luck have it go viral), reap the rewards and hopefully become a millionaire.

The second method I thought you might be interested in is this: make a video game. Remember Flappy Bird? Of course you do, it was the biggest thing to come out of 2013 and no one saw it coming because no one, and I mean no one, knew what people wanted more than anything else was: a simple, yet frustrating tapping game about a yellow bird. And do you know how much Flappy Bird made per day at one point? $50,000! Fifty thousand dollars per day, from ad revenue alone I might add. In just twenty days the app could make one million dollars.

So what I advise you to do is this: make a simple video game (on your own, you don’t want to be sharing profits) about whatever you want, and make it go viral. And yes, you can make it go viral. Other than relying on your game becoming viral by chance, contact big YouTubers: influencers and streams, asking them to play your game for their audiences. That’s how Flappy Bird became a success. Plus, even if you don’t make a successful game you’ll still learn skills in game design, and just think how good “experienced I’m game design” looks on a job application. Having a good job is the way most people become millionaires anyway. Which brings me to the third method.

The third method to become a millionaire: get a job... Just kidding, who has time for that? Am I right? Just do something you love and if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll figure out how to make money off it on your own.

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Thank you very much for reading, if you happen to try out either of the first two methods please do let me know. I’d love to play any games you make.