How I Healed My Burnt Out Body, Mind & Soul.

I am blessed to have worked at many wonderful workplaces over the years, since I entered the workforce at age 20, right back in 2001, and receiving my ABN to be self employed back in 2006. I was (in a way) lucky to not know what career burnout actually meant until early to mid-2019, even though the joy of my work began to suck up like a Dyson vacuum cleaner back in 2017, when some key industry legislation had naturally sucked up 50% of all sales revenue from my employers business, as quickly as soap removes dirt; and in turn I also had to work 50% harder in order to achieve the same results. That sucks.

Some stress (or should I say only a pinch of stress) is motivating, and therefore is actually quite good for you. On the other hand, when the stress evolves from cool refreshing water that quenches the thirst to hot, boiling water that can burn in a flash is dangerous; and if that stress is not managed if such recipients are aware of it; it quickly accumulates, and from there the incumbent can go downhill quickly.

There are many tell tale signs as to what triggers career burnout, yet that is not what this article is all about. This article is all about the recovery process, because there is hope if you persist in your healing. That healing does start with awareness as to the root cause of burnout in the first place, so that it (ideally) never happens again.

Back in 2019, all I knew is that I was maxed out and miserable at work. I began to care less about my work, at at times I was feeling a bit suicidal. I also came to work one Monday morning, to then escape to the fire escape and scream at the top of my lungs, after having had to take a phone call from a difficult client, of which left me incredibly vulnerable and at risk of being drugged up, and hence losing my resilience in the process.

An abundance of sudden medical, dental and optical issues (and the expenses associated with such) woke me up to the core, yet I was in a tough position. If I wanted (or needed) a holiday (of which were few and far between), it had to be quick, otherwise it would have been impossible to have caught up on my work. Emails included. (Anyone who has worked in the corporate world, knows all too well as to how quickly the important emails can and do pile up.) Upon this awakening back in 2019, it occurred to me that the last time I actually enjoyed a proper holiday was back in 2016 for an entire week, and a day of that was spent on business development activities with a key interstate client. Something had to change, even to the point where my upper left back caved in months before I threw in the towel, in the busiest month at work, sending me to three physiotherapy sessions in a literal heartbeat.

Running (on the surface) was a great form of exercise for me after work, yet now that I no longer have any burning desire to run any marathons (despite being fitter and healthier now); I knew that running was a form of escapism from my s**t working circumstances at the time. Landing in the hospital emergency room twice due to falls from running definitely added some stress to my already stressful life. This was back in 2016. At that point in my life, I had turned up unexpectedly to hospital emergency rooms four times since the start of 2015, and the last time I was in hospital before that was back in 2010. I knew that the 2015 admissions were lifestyle related. Bullying and gossip in the workplace certainly added to this dimension.

At that point, I was able to pick myself up, and then some external Governmental legislation made law in 2017, brought me back into the fading fast stage. It was a familiar phase, yet I was hoping to avoid burn out, and then turned to yoga and meditation again, in order to help me be as grounded as I could be in such difficult circumstances and seniority in my work. By doing so, I avoided going to hospital that year.

2018 comes along, and sadly I was still in burnout territory without realising it. Having a once good turned difficult tenant added to the difficulties I was facing at work, even though I am not a quitter. Thankfully I evicted that tenant later that year. The work Christmas party that year involved a seafood feast along the water, and everyone else was drinking and eating more way than me (definitely being merry, in the essence of the Christmas spirit), and yet I ended up in hospital again, with my digestive system totally shutting down. My property manager told me to have a drink on her, and I think I literally did, and then some.

Fast forward nine months later, and I am clearly burnt out. I was fatigued and exhausted every single day, and something had to give. My highly stressful job. I had a beautiful send off, and it is nice that I am now helping out the same employer, yet this time in my new IT career, and only on a part-time basis from home. I am pleased as punch to say that the dynamics there are completely different now.

On your first day of freedom (while still burnt out, and career burnout does not go away like quicksand) the burn out recovery phase begins. Right away, I was (and still am) immediately grateful for the extra time I had on my hands. It was nice to take things slow, and to engage in simple, mindful tasks such as cutting up, and enjoying a kiwifruit the very next morning for a change. From that simple place of pure bliss, I knew that I would be fine.

Later that day, I had a doctors appointment at a small inner city hospital. I was there, because something went horribly wrong in my second last course of acupuncture (to help me manage the stress and overwhelm at work), where a needle placed between my right thumb and index finger caused that area to balloon up, and therefore causing a blood vessel to burst. The hospitals medical centre examined me, and then immediately sent me to emergency triage, where that same doctor met me in my hospital room, carrying out a couple of tests, and diagnosing me with depression. I was given my final course of acupuncture by him, with more needles, and needles on top of my brain, to allow the energy/chi to flow. My first counselling session was given to me, and I was allowed to go home four hours later, knowing that I have a wonderful two-week holiday (for a change) to look forward to, with no job, and no emails to return to. Awesome.

The next few days of my recovery involved some rest, and I was still wasn't relaxed. All in all it took me seven weeks to just relax. Spending time at the beach, in the surf and the sun had helped my depression to release, and then I was cleared of that mental illness.

My recovery continued. Ferry rides. Earthing at the beach. Bush walks in nature, and massages to name. I finally knew what relaxation meant again, and there were many tears, and catch ups with a wisdom coach to help me with my career burnout recovery.

The time came to return to work, but only for ten hours a week, and to work for my foster mother around teenagers. This in itself was a healing opportunity for a couple of months, in bringing my confidence back. I was grateful when a couple of my shifts got cancelled, especially the day after one of these teenagers was in tears over a high pressure subject at school. I needed a day at the aquatic centre, and swimming laps was another way to release that pent up stress that had made me so ill.

That contract ended, and I was then ready for another part-time opportunity, but still at entry level, while I began to work on my entrance assignment to embark on my pending career change into UX Design.

It was nice to be back in the office, yet I needed a change of scenery, where I needed an entry level opportunity that allowed me to work with people face to face; and I did not want my barista and bartending certifications to go to waste, of which I obtained in my final months of burnout. I also needed a job where I was moving around in a beautiful environment on my feet. I was ready for it, as all stress and illness had finally left my body at this point, and that was three months after leaving that intense management job. I knew that this particular job (working for a chocolatier) would only be temporary, and would give me the space to attend rehab as part of my burnout recovery, because I still was not ready to return to more responsible work; and I needed to be ready for the rigour of my UX Design studies to commence in March 2020.

The time came to attend rehab for a few days interstate back in January 2020, and I was now in a fairly good place. I had many freedoms, and enjoyed the downtime with more water therapy as part of my recovery, and was only eating healthy food. I was nurtured and supported, and then discovered that I needed to forgive my father for abandoning me in childhood, and for leaving me at 13 years of age when my mother passed away. A cathartic release came forth, of which involved tears and tight body parts (like the neck and shoulders) becoming loose. The therapist/carer involved in my care knew when to give me some space.

I recovered from burn out just in time back in late February 2020, and I was still only working part-time at this chocolatier. My contract was about to end, only to get extended. My studies commence in March 2020, and I am feeling alive, only to lose my favourite uncle four days in, and then the COVID-19 Pandemic starts, only for my studies to move online with a two month lockdown in place. My hours increase rapidly, and now I am back to square one. Frustrating.

I then re-commence another aspect to my burnout recovery, by finally being able to take a three day holiday in nature, and in a luxury cottage in June 2020, once lockdown lifted, and we could travel again; and my UX Design studies finished, with some frustrations involved in making my portfolio live, of which finally came to fruition in July 2020.

Life goes on, and my new business starts exactly 12 months after leaving my senior position, where I am now finally ready to put entry level jobs behind me for good. The time was still not right to leave the chocolatier, because my UX Design business (freelance work) was not at that place yet. Later that year, I was fatigued and exhausted, and was ready to say goodbye to working for the chocolatier, yet I could not leave them in the lurch at Christmas, despite having an unexpected fall while walking this time. My business is now in a cool place, with two ongoing clients.

The new year (2021) commences, and I knew that I finally recovered from burnout, as I move house in the middle of a pandemic with ease and grace. As mentioned in this article on Vocal Media, my values at that job were suddenly being challenged; and then I instinctively knew that I was no longer burnt out, because I was also more conscious of two things (new policies) that did not sit right with me and my personal values, and quickly thereafter I handed in my resignation from this job, where I stayed right beyond my use by date, due to the pandemic, but not blaming the pandemic on such. It ended up serving a valuable aspect towards my burnout recovery.

Fast forward to today (July 2021, as at the time of writing this); the good news is I am able to work full-time again, yet due to a combination of personal choice (due to being in a fantastic financial position) and the fear of getting burnt out again, I am only choosing to work full-time in blocks. That is for up to two months at a time, 2-3 times a year, because I choose to engage in temporary roles for the Government, as well as run my freelance UX Design business, of which is not stressful, and of which I thoroughly enjoy so much, despite this profession being the most difficult and challenging of all professions I have ever worked in.

There is a common misconception that you just need to have a few weeks off, and just like that, you are free from career burnout. As this story has shown to demonstrate; this could not be further from the truth. Recovering from burn out is not clear. It is not linear either. You can see that my progress was backwards at one point, and it goes to show that you need to stick to your guns in the recovery process, and never ever give up on the happy side. There will be days where you feel like winning, and on other days where you are behind, and that is ok.

If I had rushed into full-time work, it would be highly likely that I would jeopardise my new career today. I would not be able to work most probably. Just because you spend half a day in hospital with depression, does not mean to say that you leave the hospital depression free. You still have it, yet you are discharged on the faith, with the doctors full confidence in you, and in your ability to heal yourself.

It is a combination of time, rest, and action (the right actions) in recovering from burnout. You get to a point where you listen to your body, and listening to your body comes before capitalism, and anything else.

Even though it took me 16 months to fully recover from career burnout; I doubt that I will ever return to the rat race. The 9-5 (sometimes 9-9) Monday to Friday lifestyle week in and week out with no clear end date is not my raison d'etre, and that is ok. On a temporary basis (with a clear assignment end date) it sure is. You never discount the value of your health post burnout.