Color Therapy

COVID19 has found many of us with tanking mental health. The uncertainties, the isolation, the complete disintegration of "normal." What happens next? I have been on a mental health journey from a very dark place which includes flashbacks and complex PTSD to a place of stability and hope. This is a journey of Self-love and Divine Love. It is a journey full of creating either life or sadness. My past can be left in the past, and my today can be full of beauty. What does beauty mean to you? Not the beauty of a human smile, but life beauty? Peace, fulfillment, contentment - how do they appear in your life?

For me, my first answer is photography, despite the title of my essay. However, I am dissuaded from this hobby by the weight of the camera and its bulkiness. I love to be in nature and to capture a diving pelican, a massive heron, an iridescent dragonfly, a sunbathing snapping turtle. But the camera is not a purchase I am looking to make at this time.

I love really taking in all of the hues of nature; the hidden cadmium orange patches of the red-winged black bird; the browns and greens of the bull frogs and snapping turtles among the spring-green bullrushes. So, I sit, not with a camera, but with a pad of mixed media paper, and a tray of broken bits of oil pastels, so very much appreciated and so passionately used.

I listen to the song of the red-winged blackbird. I chuckle at the Canadian Geese hissing at every passerby crunch-crunch-crunching the gray gravel as they walk by. I stare into the bullrushes to see how many shades of green and where do they each have their stage? I admire the black and white neck of the gray Canadian Geese and I'm in awe at how large they truly are - easily noticed when they land in front of their audience, on the surface of the once glass-still pond.

How would I even draw the translucent dragonfly, were I to attempt it? With a white and black theme, silver and glittery lime-green? Yes, that's what I would attempt, I think to myself as I follow the young dragonflies with my eye, oil pastel and hand paused mid-air.

This bench and this sunny pond resonate with my soul. I feel I am part of everything in life when I sit and observe. Sometimes I jog this gravel path, but today I sit and breathe and exhale gratitude. As I devour with my eyes the browns and greens of the vernal life all around, I capture something Divine that feeds my soul. I am intentionally present in this moment, I am in a state of mindfulness, of prayer one might say. And I take my hand with my oil pastels, and try to color what I see onto a blank canvas. I am grateful to be. Being human can hurt, but can also be so joyful. Even in times of isolation, illness, tragedy, change, a new normal - there is still a bird's song to be heard, a wave to be drawn.

Feeling connected to all of this buzzing life contributes deeply to a mindset of peace, acceptance, and gratitude. I have had enough of isolation, and now I join nature for its spring debut. I take my time, I choose my colors, I draw, I feel, I breathe, I am.

How did I jump from photography to oil pastels? They seem unrelated. And in fact, they were two separate hobbies for me. Macro photography is my first love: the focus on the beauty of a single flower, taking your time to notice the color contracts, the shading on the petals, the shape of the petals. It is slowing down and truly seeing a thing. But the bulkiness of the camera wasn’t for me. What could I carry into hidden glens in magical forests with me? How did I discover the portability of oil pastels? How did that become a creative outlet for me?

Before COVID19, I had gone to a moms’ night out paint night, and a family paint night. I found myself mesmerized by the colors and found the instructions easy to follow. I remembered how I had enjoyed painting as a young adult. Oil pastels give you the chunky texture (if you wish) and such amazing color saturation, without the need for cleaning any brushes after you are done creating. Small, portable crayon-size oil pastels. Turns out, they fit nicely into a bag and can go with me anywhere!

On my self-love journey, I have found that doing things that bring me joy, even if it’s simply for 10-20 minutes a day, help me not to take myself too seriously. I’ve had enough of life being a tragedy. Now it’s my time to love myself, accept myself, and bring myself joy. I’ve created spoken art (a podcast), visual art (Instagram posts, oil pastels, photography), and written art (blog and an upcoming book.) Physically I raise my endorphins with a nice walk or jog. But the art outlet that feeds my soul the most is oil pastels and paper. So simple, yet so deeply fulfilling.

I hope that you are finding your way through this time of isolation in the world. I hope that you have a creative outlet that brings you joy and grounds you. And I hope you also soar with those glorious birds that silhouette the pink sunset clouds in the sky. I hope you try something new. I hope you thrive in a creative outlet. You never know unless you try, what may feed your soul. Color, sound, fresh air – go for it! What is there to lose? I promise, there is so much to be gained.