A Sentimental Heart

After so many months of frigid temperatures, dreary gray skies, and nearly weekly snowfall, the days began to blur together until I experienced the monotonous indifference that comes with Winter in Massachusetts. I had almost given up hope of ever going outside and being able to feel all of my extremities without sporting countless layers of clothing. Then, finally, came the day that I was long awaiting. It was April 13th and 60° at 7:00 PM in Southeastern Massachusetts, and it felt like the first proper day of Spring. With the weather so unbelievably pleasant, I suddenly felt compelled to take an evening stroll through my city.

So, in a rush to experience something more than my self-imposed wintery house arrest, I popped in my wireless headphones and put my favorite music on blast. Tossed on a pair of comfy old sweatpants, a cozy baggy t-shirt, and fuzzy socks with sandals and left my house with no destination in mind. There was no point to my impromptu excursion, no chore that needed doing. It was one of those just because moments.

While I wandered down the cracked and decaying sidewalks, I looked around my once depressing city to see it finally blooming to life. The sad, barren trees were finally sprouting tiny buds of green, itty-bitty sparrows fluttered about, and the sun was finally shining in a flawless azure sky. Despite the never-ending traffic, the roaring and growling of the metal beasts storming up and down the streets, and the odor of pot mingling with cigarette smoke and exhaust fumes expelled from those ugly creatures, I found myself at peace. In truth, it's been years since I had felt so at ease...if ever.

So, while I roamed aimlessly about the only city I have ever called home, listening to my favorite K-pop songs and humming along to the lyrics, my mind wandered away from the physical world. Soon, I found myself lost in another world. A world without countless expectations but infinite possibilities. Then, while lost somewhere between reality and fantasy, a sudden wave of nostalgia enveloped me. I felt as if I was sixteen again. A carefree teen, running around their hometown as if they owned it. So sudden and strange was this feeling that I was incapable of not smiling and laughing at the preposterous silliness of the sensation. My heart, weighed down by an adult's never-ending responsibilities and obligations, felt like it began to rise from the bottomless abyss of my sapped soul.

Then just as quickly as the nostalgia descended upon me, I felt the unexpected urge to cry, and at that moment, I was honestly not sure why. I knew it wasn't out of grief or despair or anything cruel. Yet, I wanted to cry all the same. It was yet again one of those just because moments; just because I was at peace, just because it was nice out...just because. I felt my eyes moisten, a doubtless sign of what was to come, and before I could stop myself, a single tear escaped its prison. I laughed internally and wiped away that lone escapee, inhaled deeply, regretted it immediately, and continued on my way. Eventually, I found myself back home, feeling lighter and more hopeful than I had when I left just thirty minutes earlier.

Now that I think back on it, I can't help but wonder, isn't it fantastically ludicrous how a beautiful Spring day after an unkind Winter can stir up such random emotions and sensations? Isn't it comical how a random, seemingly trivial choice can suddenly change a somber and spent soul for the better?

- Musings from a sentimental heart.