You Can Also Become a 'Good Listener'

Why do we talk so much?

There are many reasons behind our tendency to talk too much. The reasons are different for each person. However, the reasons that are usually noticed are :

1) The speaker considers himself wiser than others. Or think the listener is relatively ignorant. He thinks that the listener needs to be informed about the things that he does not know.

2) Feelings of inferiority of the speaker — In this case, most of the words are self-glorifying. Through which the speaker tries to prove that he has more dignity, power or knowledge than the listener.

3) The loneliness of the speaker — If a person spends most of the day alone, he tends to talk more. This loneliness can be due to any family or professional reason.

4) The speaker can also talk more to get someone's attention.

5) Many have become accustomed to talking too much for family or professional reasons. For example, politicians, teachers, etc., people of these profession naturally talk more. Many ordinary people also become good speakers when they get a good or ideal listener or get appreciative feedback from the listeners.

6) People who are cheerful and talkative, talk more without any special reason.

The Power of a good listener :

You can never be a good listener with your mouth open. Whatever you say in your mouth, you know it well, so you can say it. But if you want to know what you don't know, you have to keep quiet. There are several benefits of doing so. These are called Good Listener Power. These are :

• A good listener has an incomparable ability to solve problems.

• A good listener has a wonderful personality.

• Good listeners can easily form friendships with others.

• Everyone likes a good audience.

• If you are a good listener, you can know many unknown facts from others.

• Good listeners are very patient.

Fourteen Strategies for Being a Good Listener :

Just as it is important to be a good speaker, it is also important to be a good listener which sometimes become harder. Because naturally people prefer to say or express themselves. But it is important to be a good listener in order to establish proper communication with others, even for fulfilling professional responsibilities. Here are 14 key pointers in moving forward :

1. The main carrier of attention is the eye. Almost everything a person can guess by looking at it. Whether you are listening attentively or not is obvious to your eyes. So keep an eye on the speaker and listen.

2. Discuss if you have any comments on the topic being discussed. It provides evidence of your interest in content. The speaker will become happy.

3. When the speaker is speaking, do not stop and say something. Let his sentence end before you say anything.

4. It would not be right to talk too much about expressing interest in the subject matter. The main duty of a good listener is to ensure the comfort of the speaker.

5. While listening to the speaker, you should sit in such a way that you can see the face of the speaker properly. It is especially important to see the speaker's eyes. The emotional expression of the speaker's speech will not escape your attention. Also, make sure that the speaker can see your face.

6. Express your excitement by uttering short relevant words occasionally during the conversation. For example: "Is that so?" ; "What did you say?" ; ''What a fatal!" ; "Of course" ; "Wow!" ; "It simply came to your notice then" ; "What happened?" etc. This will allow the speaker to understand your attention.

7. An ideal listener sometimes controls the speaker as well, so the listener has to be careful that the discussion is relevant. If necessary, the speaker may have to be controlled.

8. A good listener also has a good memory. The speaker sometimes forgets what he was trying to talk about. Then the listener has to be reminded of that. Apart from that, even after the end of the discussion, it is necessary to repeat what was discussed for various reasons.

9. A good listener has to pay special attention to these matters — sometimes a good listener must sit with a paper-pen in a very important discussion. Take note of the necessary parts.

10. Take enough time to judge the speaker, do not judge the speaker immediately if any of his words create a negative attitude towards him. Keep listening patiently. You can't have an idea about it until you know the whole story, because there may be a different twist to the story later! Again, don't try to solve a problem just by talking immediately about it. Listen carefully to the whole problem first, put yourself in his position and think. Then think which way it will be good for him. Moreover, when the speaker has finished speaking, the speaker himself will explain with his expression that he now wants to hear the solution or advice from you. So wait until that moment.

11. Many times you have to act as a good listener. It turns out that there is a situation where it is not good to listen to the speaker, but there is no way without listening. And not just listening but your alertness and dedication too are most required. The rest of the time your only job will be to keep an eye on him and occasionally shake head in agreement. Then the speaker will think that you are listening to him attentively. As a result, he will not be embarrassed, you will not have to face an embarrassing situation.

12. Don't compare with yourself :

When someone tells you about his suffering, never compare it with yourself, no matter how much your pain is greater than his pain. Because his suffering is like a mountain to him. It is not possible to measure the amount of pain at that time and explain it to him. Use less of the words ‘I’, ‘mine’ when listening. These words express your self-centeredness and discourage the speaker from talking about himself.

13. Asking meaningful and logical questions proves that you have listened attentively. If you listen to the speaker or the facts well then you can ask tough, good, logical questions. On the other hand, if you ask unwanted, irrational questions, the speaker will understand that you have not listened or understood well. As a listener, asking relevant and logical questions is indicative of your interest.

14. Neutrality must be exercised in giving advice. No one can be biased, not even the speaker. Otherwise he will doubt whether you have any interest behind it. Don't prioritize your own experience, just mention your experience and describe in detail which way it will be. Then give your opinion on what you think would be best for him. Only then will it be easy for him to make a decision.