Writing-- It's More Than Just A Friend

What is it about writing that tugs at my heart so urgently? I'm not sure exactly. I just love it. There's a happiness, a confindence that I feel when I'm writing. It's powerful and absoutely freeing.

Why do I write? Once upon a time, I had a blog. Actually, I've had several blogs, most of which are now private. But in the one I dedicated to my short stories, in the About Me section I wrote:

“It seems no matter what path I take, I always end up writing, creating, loving. Writing for me is a never-ending experiment, testing the possibilities of life and love and human nature, with the simplest tools one can have– mind & words.”-2016

Yes, I wrote that. It sounds so profound, like a professional writer. I wish I would've seen it then, what I see now. You know how people say somebody is their person. Well, writing isn't a person, but it's my thing. I said it then, that my path always takes me back to writing. It took me a while to get here, but I'm back and there's no walking away now.

Just like any relationship, what keeps you in it is more than just love alone. So, what's kept me coming back? That's actually a bit of a loaded question. But perhaps it’s the job of a writer to dig into those loaded questions. So let’s dissect, shall we?

But before we get into the why, let’s first talk about what I write. I started my writing journey as strictly a fiction writer. That’s all I was interested in, but as I got more involved with Vocal and then Medium, I found a love for non-fiction personal essays. I also dabble a bit in poetry, usually when there’s a contest, but sometimes out of nowhere I get into a flow and something resembling poetry comes out. It doesn’t happen often, but from time to time it comes out.

How It Started

I’ve probably written one too many articles about my journey from teacher to writer. Honestly, I think it’s amazing that I’ve been able to take the same information and write it in so many different ways. This transition has been a huge milestone in my life. It's a huge part of my story and each time I write it, some of the stories overlap, but it’s always a bit different. I always remember something new or add new details or write old details in new ways.

But I’m not going to tell that whole story here. I am however going to talk about when it all started. It was sometime in 2002-2003, my senior year of high school (please don’t do the math), in Ms. Grey’s creative writing class. As seniors, we had three options for the type of English class we wanted to take. I’m almost certain I chose it because I was avoiding having to write any sort of research paper. That was the class that created an interest in writing for me. Over the years that followed that interest became a hobby. I would write here and there, whenever I had time, but it wasn’t love yet.

Fast forward, 8-years later, I found myself in another creative writing class. This time it was an elective in my final year of undergrad. It was a 4-week summer course. I loved it. The professor was a young, really cool guy. That 4-weeks of reading and writing sparked the hell out my interest in writing. I was definitely falling in love and the positive feedback he gave me only intensified that feeling. For the first time in my life, I was actually disappointed when the class was over. I wanted more, so I immediately enrolled in another 4-week class that focused solely on fiction writing. In both classes, I not only learned a lot, but they helped me produce some of my best pieces of fiction. In those 8-weeks I became a better writer.

How It's Going

Six months ago, I discovered Vocal Media through a Facebook ad. At that point, I hadn’t written anything or even thought about it in five years. But there it was a bright shiny sign from the Universe in the form of a Facebook ad. I was motivated by the money at first. But as I entered into more and more challenges and exercised those muscles again, that love and passion I once had was reignited once again. It became even deeper as I connected with a group of other writers through the many Vocal groups I’m in. Though writing is not really a team sport (well maybe kinda, sorta), there was a team-like vibe in those groups. I wasn’t alone. There were people there willing to support me, read my work, and give me feedback. I love them for that. Connecting to other writers has made me even more passionate and they've inspired me to become a better writer.

Why I Write Fiction

If you look at my bio it simply says, “I love a good story, whether it's a book, a movie, a play. I love reading/ watching interesting characters develop & drama unfold. As a writer, I create that world. I create that drama.”

It’s true. A good story regardless of what form it comes in is my comfort. It’s my happy place. I love getting lost in someone else’s world and becoming engrossed in the characters and the drama. Especially if I’m dealing with stress in my personal life, it’s like no thank you, please take me away to a world where I can be an observer in someone else’s drama.

One of my first influences as a writer was my all-time favorite author Eric Jerome Dickey, who passed away earlier in 2021 (RIP). Dickey’s work was different from your typical urban fiction or street lit. His style of writing is almost poetic. The stories he told resonated with me. I was obsessed with every word he wrote. I wanted to write like him. I wanted to create stories with characters that felt real and raw, with plots that pulled the reader in so completely that they abandoned their own real-world to-do lists.

Most of his early works focused on relationships which included erotic scenes. Dickey wrote erotica in a way that felt beautiful. It wasn’t porn, he was tapping into the human need for intimacy. He delivered sex scenes with raw emotions every time. The characters weren’t just f*cking, they were trying to love or be loved or release pent-up anger, sadness, and fear. Each movement was necessary. It was sexy of course, but it wasn’t porn. It was because of him that I focused my fiction on romance, relationships, and sex. I wanted to write poetic sex scenes like him, that felt emotional and not like regurgitated porno scenes.

There was something about his stories that spoke to me and to this day he remains my main inspiration. My heart aches that he's gone too soon and we'll miss out on the characters and stories he would've written next.

Beyond his influence, there were also movies. I was always a sucker for a love story and a happy ending, still am. Yes, I admit it, I love a good rom-com, even if the ending is predictable. I don't care, I still love it.

But in reality, my love life was the complete opposite of those happy endings. It was a series of wrong-guy after wrong-guy, a complete disaster. Many of my fiction pieces and characters are inspired by my real dating life. I played the what-if game a lot and turned them into stories.

Why I Write Personal Essays

This one is easy and much less complicated. I only started writing personal essays because I thought that’s what was popular on Medium. But writing about my life and what I’m going through, has been therapeutic in a way I never knew I needed. Sometimes I live in denial, but when I’m writing, I’m almost forced to sit and think and be completely honest with myself about things. I’m on a journey of self-love and self-discovery and writing has not only helped me as I’m going through it, but it’s one of the best parts of the journey.

Right now writing brings me joy. It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and I’m writing this not because I have to but because it’s in my heart and I want to. I hope that my stories spark something in people. My hope is that they’ll relate to it somehow or be inspired by something I said. I don’t want my words to be just a pile of empty thoughts. I want them to be something that people can connect with.

Will I always feel this way? I don’t know for sure. For now, I’m loving it. I can't see myself stopping any time soon, but as long as the love is there, I'll keep doing it until I simply can't anymore.

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Thanks for reading! I really appreciate your support. If you enjoyed it please feel free to hit the heart <3. If you want to know more about me and my current journey, you can read my bio here and my self-reflection as a writer here.

If you'd like to follow my adventures:

I'm also a writer on Medium ---> @Nathalie_Clair. I tend to write mostly fiction/poetry here on Vocal but for right now all my personal essays/non-fiction stuff is on Medium. If you want more details on my teacher to writer/entrepreneur journey you can find a few articles about it over there.

Positively Healthy Vibes is both my YouTube & Instagram in which I promote positivity and document my weight loss journey.

On Twitter, I am Nathalie_Clair1 (can y'all believe someone else has that so I had to add the 1) and that's where I promote myself as a writer.

And you can always catch me (Nathalie PostiveVibes Clair) on Facebook. I'm a member of most of the Vocal related groups and am fairly active in them!