Work Stories - Easter Sunday

EASTER SUNDAY

In my younger days, I was a head banger and it showed. I wore heavy metal shirts (always long-sleeved, never any other color than black), torn baggy jeans, steel-toed Doc Martens, had a chain wallet (with 3' chain), and had slightly longer than shoulder length hair and a goatee. I didn’t wear makeup because that shit is for posers. My attitude was metal and that is how I carried myself. When I was at work, the need to tone down the attitude was there. I would put on my work shirt, a maroon polo with the store logo… tucked in, my name tag, and pulled my hair into a pony tail. That was my “business” look, if you will.

After I worked at the grocery store for a few months, Easter Sunday came around. Bagging groceries wasn’t all that bad but I didn’t like people, so talking to the customers was not my strong suit. On this day, the store was super busy with people trying to get the best brisket and ribs for their barbecues and all the trimming for a nice dinner with the family. Most of the customers were there to clean out the beer aisle. Since it was Sunday, we had the folks that just got out of church and were doing their shopping for the nice dinner and family time.

This one family that I did a carry-out for fell into the church-going crowd category. The father was about six-feet-tall with light brown hair and blue eyes. He wore a light color button-up shirt with slacks. The mother was roughly my height, had dirty blond hair, and was wearing a sun dress, sunglasses, and a beach hat (looked like floppy straw hat). Their two kids wore polo shirts and khakis and were probably between the ages of five and eight.

We conversed about the weather:

Me: Looks like we are going to have a nice day after all?

Him: Yes. The Lord blessed us with a beautiful day.

Me: Yep.

Him: What are you doing today?

Me: More than likely hang out with my friends and playing some pool.

Him: You don’t celebrate Easter with family?

Me: I do, but this year is hectic so probably not.

I put his groceries inside his vehicle and gave him my goodbye that I had been using all that day.

Me: Have a Happy Zombie Jesus Day.

Then the shit hit the fan as I got a lecture from this guy on what Easter is about.

Him: You do realize that we celebrate because Jesus was crucified for our sins, died, and was buried only to rise from the dead on the third day, right!

Me: Sir, I was born into a Catholic household and was raised in church like most Mexicans and if I were to tell you that I didn’t know the story of the Crucifixion of Jesus then I would be a liar. What I can tell you is that if you look at the text in its literal sense, then you can see plain as day that when a person dies and rises from the dead, they are considered a Zombie. Just because he is the Son of God doesn’t give him a pass on this fact.

Him: You should be ashamed of yourself for blaspheming the way you are. Everything coming out of your mouth is disrespectful and rude.

Me: I hope you have a great day, sir. Drive safe.

I spun on my heels and walked away, taking the basket back to the store as always. I only saw that guy one more time after "The Incident," but I am sure he started shopping at the other HEB located a couple of miles down the road. Either way, I knew I was right and fuck him if he couldn’t take a joke. Also, as a side note, I wanted him to explain what rabbits hiding eggs had to do with the resurrection of Jesus Christ, but I am fairly sure that may have gotten me punched in the face.

Still... fuck that guy.