Why I Turned Down the Most Money I Have Ever Made.

I don't know when it changed from excitement to anxiety. But when my phone screen lit up from her call, the last thing I wanted to do was answer, partly out of shame and partly out of deviance. Either way, I let it go to voicemail and checked the message.

"Hi, this is Stephanie calling in regards to your interview. I'm very excited to hear back from you..."

From her cheerful tone, I knew I had gotten the job, and it made my heart sink. It was the most amount of money I would have ever made. The job came with benefits and security, a team of supportive and uplifting coworkers. But it demanded too much of something else that my rose-colored glasses kept me from seeing.

Feast and Famine

It's feast or famine in showbiz.

— Joan Rivers

I wrote a story not too long ago titled "Why I’m Never Working a 9-5 Job Again." I meant everything I said, so why was I seeking out a 9-5, you ask? Well, to put it simply, this world is sink or swim, and I felt like I was sinking.

I had savings, but as artists, we go through periods of financial abundance and next to nothing from month to month. Some months we land that big project or have some marketing success that leads to more traffic. Other times we're just shouting into the void. Yet, life continues even when no one is listening. Bills still come due. The garden needs to be watered.

The famine cycle started to test my motivations. I felt stagnant, and I began to wonder if I was following the wrong path in life. After all, no parent hopes their child becomes a writer. When I told my family about my interview, they lit up with excitement. It fueled my impulse to seize this opportunity, for them more so than for myself. Honestly, with Uncle Sam in one ear and societal expectations in the other, I got a little lost.

I applied for the job with the goal to work during the day and take 15 credit hours worth of classes at night. I was going to stretch myself too thin so that I could have a career I didn't want. Nevertheless, I interviewed with genuine excitement in my heart. I thought that was what adults were supposed to do. I was happy not to have to struggle as an artist. The thought that others might be impressed by my salary inflated my ego.

As I signed off the zoom interview, I felt like I had nailed it. I was puffed up with pride the entire evening. However, it wasn't until the following morning that an unsettling feeling radiated throughout my being.

The Inner Child.

I've been hearing a lot about paying attention to your inner child. The version of you you were when you were younger. When I was a kid, I spent all my time reading, writing, watching movies, and playing video games. I did all these activities for the same reason. For the story. I never dreamt of being in the corporate world. That came after years of hearing that is what a successful adult did.

Eventually, I had to level with myself and see that the only reason I wanted this job was for the money. I would be tossing away my campus experience, my quality of education, my social life, my writing time, and, I'm sure, my mental health. All in the name of playing the game and climbing a ladder that never interested me.

Time Only Goes

"Money often costs too much. "

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The money troubles never stop; it still waxes and wanes. I keep in my mind that money comes and goes, but time only goes. My early twenties will be gone in a blink, and I'd rather have memories, lessons, pain, and struggle than a pile of money I traded for these years.

I say this not to deter you if you think I'm crazy for not taking the offer. On the contrary, if you're passionate about the corporate world, I want you to chase it. Chase it with everything you have and relish in your achievement.

I'm just not; I'd rather watch the clouds go by.

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Hi,

One last thing.

It can be impossible to earn a living as a writer by reads alone, if you liked what you read, please consider leaving a like or if you really enjoyed it, a small tip.

It means more than you know, thank you!

Talk to you soon,

RJ.

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