Why I Left The Acting Industy

When i was young my dream was to sing in musicals.My earliest memories are in Nursery school singing at the top of my voice with a tambourine i had found.I also found an old record of Petula Clark’s Downtown which i would sing in to the hairbrush age 6yrs.Age 8 was the year i got my first recorder and i managed to teach myself the music and how to play every song of Burt Bacharach’s.I played all day everyday -morning ,noon and night and probably drove everyone mad!I idolised Burt Bacharach because every thing he wrote was a hit.I sooo wanted to write hit after hit like him when i grew up!

Aged 9 Theatre -land beckoned in the form of my local youth music theatre and it was here that i decided after my first musical Pinnochio that i was going to be an actor/singer when i grew up.I would sit in the classroom at school often bored watching the clock go round on a friday -then i was finished school and off to my music theatre.I stayed at the Youth Theatre for a few years.

As a teenager i discovered Classical Music ,the fact that there was a Bass Clef as well as The Treble clef and played in the Orchestra at school.My instrument was The Bassoon -which i thought had a jolly sound.The orchestra only did classical music and i was also taught to sing Classical Arias around this time and found my Mezzo-Soprano voice just in time for my Standard Grade Music.I also sang in Choirs with Adult Semi-Professional singers with an Adult Orchestra.I sang in several concerts and an Opera.I would practice 4 hours a day.I would rehearse all weekend with the choir in a large house about once a month and sometimes 3 weeks at a time.Everyone was so good at music.I also went on a saturday morning to a local Arts School and we did Drama and Acting excercises,Music Theory and Contemporary Dance.I wasnt there long as singing took over.I also got days off school to rehearse and sing in concerts.

I left school at 16 and worked in shops-Sang in an Opera and a Concert in my early twenties then stayed at home to look after my children.My first taste of Acting came aged 31 when i acted in a Short film and was paid.This was my first acting job which came after 30 Auditions-who says persistance dosent pay off.In time i was able to join the Actors union Equity and Spotlight Casting.I went from small job to small job (i was acting and looking after my children as well)I knew i wasnt the leading light but i enjoyed my work.I also joined an Extra Agency and did extra work in between Acting.This may seem odd to some people but it was my escape from the house doing jobs as a day-player-it was like a day out with money thrown in.I was a single parent-i loved the day out!

The other side of the Acting Industry started to rear its head as i got in to my 40s.I was sent on a Commercial Casting by my Agent who told me to wear minimum make-up as i was to Audition for a women who had grown up children .This was for a Supermarket Advert.When i got there all the other “older mums” looked 29 with Botox,Hair Extensions,6 inch heels and Bleached Teeth and looked like they had stepped out of an episode of Real Housewifes whilst i looked like Aunt Maude on a bad day. Acting is supposed to be about portraying real life -is your local supermarket full of 40 somethings like this? (unless your in BeverlyHills or some other upmarket place)-mines isnt.In Britain a lot of 40 somethings and early 50s go around with a bored expression ,dressed in trackies or some other comfy outfit with more than a few wrinkles on their face-fed up to the back teeth looking at food and juggling everything.Of course there are a few yummy mummy exceptions.Another commercial saw my legs looking half their size as was my bottom-god i looked good until i looked in the mirror and saw reality-more fake Airbrushing/editing on TV. I suddenly started noticing i was getting Airbrushed/edited left ,right and centre now that i was older.On the one hand i looked good but on the other hand i started getting a complex! I really worried about how i looked all the time.I had my teeth whitened -in photos that weren’t edited my teeth looked yellow compared to everyone elses bleached teeth..I was also getting less parts which is another annoyance.This happens to every women over 50 in all areas of Acting/singing.So many women in their 40s are brought on to play people in their 50s.Where is the REAL in this!In British Soaps it isnt as bad but in Films and some Drama’s it is.Speaking of age-have you noticed if a women in her 50s complains about anything or how she is really feeling its the Menopause and her feelings are dismissed.A man complaining always gets taken seriously.No one speaks about the male menopause.There is nothing sadder than a middle-aged man trying to pick up a women half his age and if he succeeds he is treated like some superhero from other men.If a women does the same thats also the menopause.

The worst was yet to come.I did a few good things then the bullying started up.First i got bitchy comments-oh maybe the person being like this was having a bad day.It became worse with more people passing bitchy comments.The online trolling started.I would be trolled and also locked out of my casting sites on a daily basis.My emails were spammed-ok this may have been a cybersecurity issue but the trolling wasnt nice slagging me off.I got scripts sent to me then when i went for an Audition i discovered it was the wrong script.The director couldn’t understand why i was sent the wrong script.This happened a few times.The lies started up.I was being told what people had been saying about me-mostly lies.Someone told me i must be doing something good if i had haters.I lost 3 Agents through lies.I went out for an Audition and no one was there.This happened more than once.I was in the theatre and got bullied by one women saying “you think your wonderful” ( in not a nice way WTF)This happened more than once by various people BTW i never bragged about anything ive done to warrent those snide comments.I’ve had scenery shoved on me as i was singing on the stage and nearly pushed off the stage by another actor.I also got the skirt nearly pulled off me as i was about to step on the stage.I dont like anomosity/confrontation or arguing.Confrontation makes me feel physically ill.I started suffering anxiety,not sleeping and depression and worried about what was going to happen to me on every job i went on.I began getting anonymous phonecalls and I left in the end.Equity and Spotlight are trying to stamp out bullying but it still happens.What i loved became a dread.I stepped back and looked at the falseness of it all.The desperation for people to be famous.The jealousy and spite.Some people would even pay for likes on Instagram and Twitter to make themselves look good.They also would lie on their CV about jobs they hadn’t done just to try and get a part .Speaking of Instagram and twitter…

Influencers.I dont mind influencers that are real and good at their job with good content.They are doing small businesses a favour by Advertising their business in a cost effective way and the influencer gets paid in money/goods etc .Its a win win in some cases.The instagramers with fake locational backgrounds,bought likes and airbrushed images i dont like.Teenage girls try to live up to those expectations.Ask a teenage girl what they would like to be.The reply is always an Actor,influencer,wag,Popstar or on reality television (which warrents another story).The rise in eating disorders and teenagers with low self-esteem and depression because their friends have more likes than them is worrying.We should be empowering our daughters to gain qualifications to be Doctors,Lawyers,Scientists,Psychologists and other professionals and steering them away from Celebrity Culture and Social Networking.More training for girls in Science and other professions and maybe more funding allocated for the training/qualifications for girls from disadvantaged backgrounds is needed.

The above is some of the reasons why i dont act anymore.I am enjoying doing other things that i havent done previously-writing more being one.I have found inner peace since stepping away-living with not worrying about how i look and feeling a lot happier.

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