Why do I write?

A few days ago, I asked myself why do I write? There are two very honest answers. One, I have too many story ideas in my head I can start a collection of concepts to fill a book on just that. The other is money. Plain and simple. I think all of us writers here all have a similar goal in that.

We want to express ourselves creatively and get paid to do so. And who wouldn’t on a site that allows you to talk about anything and everything. Nice wholesome stuff, and some less wholesome topics. Though I read a story here that made me think a little.

Some of us will get swept up in needing to make things sound perfect and try to impress other people here online. But does it have to? A few people have used vocal as just an online journal to share with others. And that made me think. Maybe, just maybe they are on to things.

This year I decided that I am going to put myself out in the writing community more. I want to start making a writing platform and hopefully write a book and launch a career. And in creating an audience, a logical idea is to make a blog. But I dnn’t know what to blog about. I don’t know if I have anything interesting to say really, and the worry that no one will read my work is pretty strong.

But that might just be the point of this. This year I am encouraging myself to post more, talk more, write more, just try and do something where it’s not the same old thing as the year before. To claw and scratch my way to something. Just validate myself in the fact I have a voice.

Will anyone like it? I don’t know.I barely like myself at all these days. But that’s just the stress of my living situation and excessive intrusive thoughts telling me that I should give up before I start. The fear rules my mind. But I can’t let it. Not this year.

So why am I writing this year? Why do I write? Because I need to hear my own voice again. I am not alone. I am not silent. I think that is why the song “The Call” by Regina Spektor is running through my head right now. Because it starts out as a feeling then will grow into a hope. And the hope will build and build until it is a battle cry.

And that batttle cry, right now, is that I’m here. And I’m finally starting at the beginning. Why it took me so long? It took a while to grow. The fear was broken by my quiet thought.

There is also another quiet voice that is trying to push me along. This one is “we need to make a change”. Because otherwise I won’t make it anywhere. I’ll just make myself sick. Sick with worry. I fear I will never make anything of myself other than a shift leader at a fast food place. This year I’ll throw as much as I can out there and see if maybe I find a niche.

That’s the power of ADHD, my brain goes down thousands of avenues, and maybe just maybe one will lead me to a better life. I’m not going to hope that writing on here will fill in for my day job, but it’s a chance to write. Maybe a few people will read what I write, maybe I’ll make a dollar. But I’m writing to strengthen my voice.

So if you are a writer here on this platform let me ask you. Why do you write? What is your quiet thought?