What to do when we don't belong

F​ the moment we're born, people around us prepare us to be part of the herd. First we become part of a family, then we expand our social life with friends, acquaintances, co-workers and if you're lucky, with a significant other. We star from playing together to working together in this well-oiled machine we call society. Living inside the herd has its advantages, security, sense of belonging, a potential fertile mating ground and the security that comes with the sense of identity. But what if the herd does not want you anymore? Or even worse, if you voluntarily chose to leave the group and go your own way.

S​o may people have the wish to live their lives in a way that could be considered abnormal. Some chose to walk their own path and defy social dogmas. Some don't want to follow trends or do what everybody else is doing, or want what everybody else want. He becomes the outsider, but what if you're longing for companionship and get yourself rejected, without a tribe. tried to comfort, tried to blend in but for some reason there's no room for you.

Is the way you talk? The way you dress? Could it be that your community needs a scapegoat and you happen to be that for them? The difference between this two in choice, the first one chose to be an outsider and the second one is condemned to be one. More often than none is not as easy as black or white, shades of white in the way of what you see.

W​e might claim that we chose to live differently, but in reality is the herd that didn't value in the first place. The more we dwell into the snake oil of words like Double standards' or even "Favoritism" the more we get disentangled from the herd, the more we begin to enjoy our solitude.

W​e start to walk our own path and watch humanity from a distance. We often rationalize on how we got here, Why there was no room for us among our peers? I been too nonconformist ? Is there something wrong with me? Or there's something wrong with them?

B​ cut of from the group can lead people to utter madness. Or even worse, the act of ending life. All this is because of the notion that no belonging is something bad, something that we need to prevent at all cost. But here we are, the outsiders, the misfits, people brave enough to follow their own path. This does not mean that there's no way back.

H​ are incredible flexible beings, in most cases we can find our way back into society. if we want to adapt and turn the grinding wheel of convection over and over again. We got to accept that doing so has benefits. We can all feel the advantages of having a support network, living together, working together, it can surely give us a significant boost when it comes to quality of life.

There's a price to pay, for the nonconformist too much of a burden to carry. Social control, dogma, people minding your business, group thinking, all those are part of the feared herd mentality. To a nonconformist, this is too big of a sacrifice to make. Outsiders distance themselves from the group to get away from all this. Who am I to blame them?

B​ an outsider does not have to be a bad thing. Solitary life does not necessarily lead to madness. Not all lone wolves end up committing horrible crimes. Lone wolves can use their non conformism in their advantage, What if they can find a middle point between loneliness and connection?

M​any outsiders are deeply concern about humanity and the way society is being steered towards a possible collapse. History has known hermits that have chosen a secluded life and still made great contributions to humankind by doing so. Let's take for example the great American Philosopher Henry David Thoreau. He spent two years in a self-made cabin near the town of Concord, Massachusetts. During this time he managed to write a masterpiece called "Walden." A book that has philosophical insights relevant even by today standards. It's impressive to notice that their relationship with the world becomes less transnational. The love the world as , instead for what they could suck out of it. There lies before you the paradox of solitude, by moving away from the world, they gained the world.

W​hen we watch the world from a distance, we distance ourselves from all the noise that numbs you. There we are able to question what's our role in all this? How can I be of service? What I truly want from this life? Can I follow my own path and still be connected to the surrounding ones?

W​hat if in the end all we need to adapt, dress like them, talk like them, think like them before we sneak through the backdoor. We need to find a middle way to mingle where we don't fit in to learn more about ourselves. I believe that then, we could choose to leave and lead our own way, because we're we don't belong, they cannot force us to stay.