What leaders say

I recently relayed an anecdote from my long career in... lots of different things. It was an episode from my youth (well, my late 20s at any rate). A new senior director had taken over the operation of the UK arm of a multi-national publishing business that was my employer at the time. He was parachuted in from the American arm of the business (it was a UK corporation to start with), presumably to add some US know-how to our ignorant, backwater business.

He gathered his new flock together (an American taste... senior people talking to shop-floor workers) and gave us a pep-talk. "My door is always open," he told us, if there was anything we wanted to talk about. Being young and full of great business ideas, new ways to solve problems, as well as having an inflated sense of my own worth, I thought I would test out this 'open door' policy.

So, I duly trotted along to goldfish-bowl office of this smiley, open-neck-shirted Californian dude (not sure he was actually from California... could just as easily have been Canada... memory is shaky at my age) and stepped past the allegedly open door. Again, this may have been figurative, I don't recall whether the door to his office was at the time open or closed. I don't recall what I asked or said, or any opinions I might have shared. But I do recall he took the time to listen to what I had to say.

The second time I stepped through that door and gave this transatlantic office-holder the benefit of my wise counsel, his reaction was somewhat different.

"Ray," he said, at least remembering my name. "When I said that my door is always open, I didn't mean it to be taken literally."

It was an important lesson in business. Senior directors, highfaluting higher-ups, 'leaders', basically anyone who has any substantial degree of management authority (but don't ever call them 'managers'), talk absolute shite at times. For some, all of the time. They try to impress us with their commitment, their knowledge, understanding, their empathy with our efforts, their supposed ability to put things right, make it better. Yet they always say the same thing.

They tell us what they think we want to hear, while telling us absolutely nothing.

This includes politicians, of course. All except Donald Trump, who says whatever he wants, regardless of who wants to hear it or what they want to hear. Which is why the vast majority of Americans, and many others, either love him or hate him.

Politicians, and those 'senior leaders' (as they like to call themselves, at least in the UK) in government, are among the worst for this. As a public service middle-manager, working in the UK government Ministry of Justice (2013-2024), I was subjected to a fair amount of this leaderspeak. Not so much Führerprinzip as Führerpapperlapapp.

In the UK, the political head of most government departments is designated Secretary of State. When a political star takes over as Secretary of State for any department, it is traditional for them to introduce themselves to the troops. Civil servants, senior and junior, are invited to attend this inaugural talk. It is usually a packed gathering. Like many civil servants, I always tried to attend.

What they invariably said was this:

• Thanks for all the hard work

• I am a strong supporter of everything you do

• I am confident that, together, we will meet the challenge(s) ahead

It was all complete papperlapapp, of course.

Why did I bother attending? Well, I was curious to know if there was any variation in the formula, or any clue as to the real plan behind the jolly-good-fellow words. Sometimes even politicians let slip their hidden agenda.

There were no less than ten Secretaries of State for Justice during my subordinate 11-year tenure. The only thing I can recall as being different in their 'let's-jolly-up-the-troops' chats was something said by notorious back-stabber, Michael Gove (May 2015 – July 2016). At the start of his risible 14th-month tenure, Gove said...

...papperlapapper papperlapapper papperlapapper papperlapapper... redemption... papperlapapper papperlapapper papperlapapper papperlapapp

Sorry, not wishing to be unkind to reality-TV star, The Right Honourable the Lord Gove (Baron Gove), but... The only bit of his introductory words I can remember is his use of the word redemption instead of rehabilitation.

The thing is, British politicians, when in charge of anything to do with policing, prisons and courts, crime and punishment, like to talk about rehabilitation. By which they mean cramming more and more people in overcrowded prisons for longer and longer, before chucking them out on the streets, homeless, jobless, and only halfway through their drug treatment. This makes them more and more likely to reoffend and therefore keep the 'justice' profession in employment. Although, when they talk about their success in rehabilitating offenders, they refer to statistics that demonstrate the tiny percentage of prisoners released from prison, who do not reoffend within the first few days of release. They are so good at convincing double-speak, that everyone (who bothers to listen) is convinced that the figure is much, much bigger than it is in reality.

Anyways, while each of my other ten political overlords spoke merely of rehabilitation, Michael Gove used that word: redemption. What did it mean? I wondered about this for a further 14 months, until he was kicked out by new prime minister, disco-dancing Theresa May, to be replaced by uber-unpopular Busy-Lizzie Truss. Was Gove intent on taking a radical new approach to justice and rehabilitation of offenders? Was there some hidden religious impulse to his choice of words? Or had he simply been playing his favourite computer game: Red Dead Redemption?

I pondered this question for a while, but Gove buggered off before I had reached any conclusions. I don't think I attended Liz Truss's inauguration, after Gove's dismissal, so I have no idea where she stood on computer games.

If you are a leader of a criminal justice or offender rehabilitation organisation, and find this article amusing, perceptive, insightful or fundamentally powerful, please feel free to engage me as a consultant. I will charge you a huge fee and tell you nothing you don't already know. Just like every other consultant you have ever employed.

Whether you do or don't add a sizeable chunk to my beer budget, thanks for reading.