War Dreams
How Dad finally got some rest....
Dad was always mad. The slightest thing could set him off. The mechanism that created humor in humans seemed to have been left out of his make-up. He would try to crack jokes but they would be strained and overthought at the point of delivery.
Perhaps at one point he had a sense of humor. Perhaps the prison camp he had his 19th birthday in tore it away from him. His Southern California childhood was cut short by WWII. The immense amount of data he had to know to be 1st tail-gunner/2nd bombardier in the big Privateer bomber he crewed didn't allow for too much fooling around. There was a war to win.
Being shot out of the sky by an enemy that hates you fiercely is never on anyone's bucket list. Nor is returning home to find that most of your friends perished in the same conflict. The solution was simple. Move to rural Montana and try to forget. So that's what he did.
Memories have a peculiar habit of following you wherever you run to. The damage to a young soul was not recognized in those days nor was treatment available. He met a young gal when he was 28. She was 18 and remembered nothing about the war. She was 9 when he was a POW. So, no prying questions. Perfect. They married.
She had no means of contextualizing his war experience. She was just a kid. His violent outbursts and nightmares became status quo. His temper was legendary even among his friends. Mom and Dad had 7 children all of whom learned to be somewhat philosophical about life due to the chaotic environment they were raised in. We, with our undamaged yet immature senses of humor, were often a source of frustration at the dinner table. Culminating in a loud, "Can't any of you ever be serious!!??" from dad when he would reach critical mass. Which was often.
After about 30 years of marriage they divorced. Mom could not throw a punch like the ol' man but her passive/aggressive game was second to none. She moved out taking the remaining kids with her and he was left to explore his hoarding tendencies unchecked.
He passed in 2014. A 21 gun salute from the honor guard. A beautiful spot by the lake in a VA cemetery. His kids still evidencing signs of PTSD. In my early 20s I ghosted him for a few years. I couldn't take any more crazy. I think I may have actually been his favorite kid. He'd deny it of course but he seemed to love coming to visit and we made up for the "ghosting years" in later times. He adored my wife and she loved him. We truly had some sweet times near the end. His last year of life he lived with us in Montana and then spent the last 4 months in California with my sister as he had terminal cancer and she had better medical skills than I did.
After he passed I wrote a song for him called "War dreams". When he stayed with us i would hear him groaning in pain as the cancer had spread to his bones. I would also hear him weeping still for the friends he had lost. He told me his nightmares had become almost like visions they were so real.
WAR DREAMS
(verse 1) Mom would scorch up some supper
while dad was taking a nap
Then she's say ,"kids go wake your father..."
That always felt like a trap
(verse 2) I don't know where the ol' man went to
so peaceful like there in that bed
no matter how quietly we whispered his name
the launch was always something to dread
chorus
'cause dad always had war dreams
Re-runs every time he tried to sleep
dreams as sweet as shock therapy
the fearsome secrets the war forced him to keep
(verse 3) The war never ended in our house
that's just the way that it went
Dad still had a spot in that prison camp
we were all stuck payin' the rent
(chorus)
(verse 4)Dad finally got him some peace
He's finally entered that rest
part of me wishes he were still here
the other part knows...it's for the best...
(chorus)
end.
About the Creator
Ted Hauser
I live in a small town (100+) in montana. Been tryin' this out for 15 years now. It's okay. About 3 yrs ago I became Ill and had to close down my contract CNC machine shop. Three years later I'm still disabled so writing helps with insanity
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Comments (2)
I'm so sorry about your dad. This was very touching and emotional. I loved the song you wrote! I've hearted and subscribed!
Why must I load a video to submit? Pretty much a dinosaur...so a pic and verbiage seems enough...