Vocal Gave Me My Wings

I've been writing since before I could hold a pencil. I made up stories in my head and recited them to my parents for spare change as a toddler.

When I finally learned to put words to paper I did it. A lot. My first published work was in my elementary school newsletter, the Roadrunner. It was a poem about snow. I was 5. I spelled blew wrong. I spelled it like the colour. But hey, I was 5!

Until recently that little poem with the poor spelling was the highlight of my writing career.

I learned quickly that a brainy kid with a penchant for words wasn't exactly cool. I wrote, but I hid it. I hid it for decades.

I was terrified of the judgment. I was terrified of someone laughing at me. I wanted to be a writer, but I was scared to show anyone my writing. You just can't have it both ways.

I had a sense I was pretty good. Or at least reasonably proficient. But I was still unwilling to risk being wrong about that. My words come from my soul so rejecting them is like rejecting me.

Then, I took a chance. I saw a contest, a challenge, they called it. Write a story about a little black book and win $20k. All I had to do is sign up for a mere $10 per month. Well, I'm Canadian so $10 US is 12 to 14 bucks depending on the exchange rate.

I didn't win that one. But I kept entering challenges and I finally did win. And then I won some more.

I think I've won or placed in 7 challenges if you count the Ukraine Freedom one and the Fiction Awards. I count them and I think Vocal should count them too. Credit where it's due and all that.

I've made a lot of great writing friends here. And my writing has grown. I can see it when I look back at my earlier work. My non-fiction was always pretty good, my poetry was okay, but my fiction sucked the big one!

I knew it. I was aware of my weaknesses. I still am. But I kept trying. I kept entering and reading and interacting and learning.

Now it's time to make a decision.

And I have.

Vocal gave me something I wasn't able to get anywhere else - the feeling that I was actually a real writer. You know what I mean. It allowed me to write my words, and let the world see them. It gave me confidence every time I posted a story on Facebook and someone said something nice about it.

Vocal made me think that anything was possible, even the idea of me making a living off my silly little words. It awarded me prizes and top stories and always, always paid as promised (I was worried, I read stuff). But I've always been treated fairly and honestly.

However, with all that said, my free year is coming to an end and I'm facing a tough decision. Do I stay or do I go?

I've made it, and with a bit of a heavy heart, but more excitement really, I've got to go. It's time. I'll stay a member, but I won't be a Vocal + member when the free membership expires.

I might still post things. And I'll certainly still read the fabulous work that's on here. But my challenge days are done. Look at my profile. I think I've proved my point.

Vocal taught me that I CAN write. Vocal taught me that I CAN make a living from my words. Vocal gave me my wings and made me believe that I can write that best-selling novel (coming soon...).

So thank you Vocal for launching a terrified baby bird writer, like a child that leaves the nest, I'm ready to fly solo now. XOXO