The Office Part 1

I sat at my desk on the back wall facing the entrance of the huge open plan room that served as an office for fifteen to twenty cold call tele/field salesmen. Behind me was an enormous mirror which allowed my boss who sat opposite me with his back to the front door to see who was coming in.

On this particular day I suddenly saw one of the ugliest monsters I have ever seen in my life walk through the door. This human behemoth had cauliflower ears, an indescribable face tattoo and a ring through his nose.It was not a pleasant sight.

My boss, catching sight of this vision of ugliness in the mirror behind me, started to rise and turn to the door to ask his customary "Can I help you?"

In an instant a colleague sat to my left jumped up from behind his desk and ran towards the apparent dangerous criminal on the run. Stopping short of the entrance, just in front of the boss's desk, Mike said to Martin the boss "It's ok Mart, I've got this, quick come this way."

Martin looked flummoxed and asked Mike what it was all about. Mike just signalled for another colleague in the know about what it was all about to deal with the ugly monster as he rapidly whisked Martin forcibly by the arm into a back room, slamming the door shut very quickly behind him.

Once the boss was out of the office all became clear about what was going on. It was Martin's birthday and the rest of the lads in the office had organised a stripper-gram surprise with a long blond bombshell. The thug at the door was merely her security guy making sure she came to no harm.

Once the sexy babe had her ghetto blaster inset ready to accompany her striptease dance routine, Martin was brought back into the office. As he slowly walked back to his desk he stopped and looked back at Mike and snarled in all seriousness "I'll f@cking kill you for that Mike."

After the show I pulled Mike to one side and asked about Martin's snide threat to kill him. The explanation was hilarious.

A couple of weeks before this event Martin had dismissed somebody, the son of a famous actress, for carrying out a company fraud. The disgruntled ex employee had threatened to get his revenge for being dismissed. Of course, everybody treated it as an idle threat and thought no more of it. Now fast forward to Martin's birthday.

When Mike first saw that ugly monster stripper-gram security guy at the door the only thing Tony could think of to buy the girl time to set her stuff up was to tell Martin that the ugly monster was in fact a hitman working for the ex employee and had come to put a cap in Martin's ass.

Martin crapped himself and went white as a sheet and was almost in tears asking Mike if he knew of any back way out of the building. Eventually somebody gave a tap on the door to signal to Mike that the stripper-gram beauty was ready to perform and out he came with a terrified Martin.That was when he snarled his threat to Mike as he made his way back to his desk.

Now had Martin been anybody else I might have sympathised a little, but he was such a bullying thug with his minions in the office, I reckon he got all he deserved, all except the lovely stripper-gram girl doing her artful routine, that little treat he most definitely did not deserve.

Over the coming days I will regale you with yet more tales of some of the shennanigans that went on in that office, an office which has to be the funniest place I ever worked in over fifty years.