The Life We Search For

Life changes and sometimes you have to go along with it. It seems that no matter how many times I have tried to do what makes me happy, my family seems to always come back and complain about it. Everyone always wants you to become what they believe would make you happy. How many people actually ask you, what do you want to be? For me, none. Everyone is more focused on what will make them look better about themselves. Truly, I'm really over it, I am not here to make anyone else look good but myself.

Wanting to Become a Doctor

When I was growing up, I wanted to be a doctor. I was always fascinated by wanting to change people’s lives and how making everyone else be happy. Helping people has always been the greatest thing I could ever imagine. Who doesn't want to be the person to help a family from losing someone, or bringing joy to the world? I thought there were so many ways you can change someone's life, why not be an OBGYN because you get to bring a child into the world, what is more beautiful than that?

As I started to get older, I started to lose the interest because I started to see more and more inside the lives of a daily doctor. I saw my grandfather die in front of me because he was being given the wrong medication. My sister had boiled water for too long and got 3rd degree burns all over her face. My great grandparents got cancer and passed away. Even though issues passed throughout the years, when I was in college and I started my undergrad in pre-MED I found myself losing interest and love in what I thought I'd always become.

I became more realistic. I didn't have the love or passion I had for it when I was a child. This was something I didn't want to do in life anymore and of course, my mother, who was not a part of my life, had the biggest issue about this. Why? Well, because it wasn't a part of the dream she wanted for me. She expects me to become wealthy to where I was required to take care of her just like she didn't when I was a kid. She didn't want to support my other career choice of becoming an FBI agent.

Wanting to Be a Part of the BAU

Living in the environment I had been in was rough. It was hard to escape and definitely hard to ask for help. Any time a police officer was involved, they treated us so nicely. Of course, they knew there was something going on but they couldn't help unless we told them something and of course we couldn't. After my grandfather died, I started to become more interested in different kinds of officers because there were so many.

One day, I had to write a paper about 9/11 and when I was doing my research I started to see that there were different types of agencies working on this. I researched each branch to see what they focused on and what they offered. When I got into college, I started to take criminal classes for my second major was criminal justice when I first started. As the first year went by, I found myself more interested in how the criminal mind worked and how serial killers truly could have a different profile than most people.

That is when I made up my mind to become an FBI agent and to be a part of the BA Unit. When I graduated from college, I started to take a master's program in forensic psychology because I could dig in more about the way a criminal thinks. At this time, my mother got on board with this career path and just left it as it was. She was expecting everyone in her family to be jealous of the fact that I came from nothing and became something. However, she didn't realize that I needed five years of full-time work experience behind me before I could become an FBI agent which was a little difficult to do since I have been a full-time student this whole time.

Working Full-Time at Barnes and Noble

After going to school, I was able to find a job that paid great and was able to offer me full-time. At first, the first year was difficult because people didn't like me. After a while, I helped build up my department from the bottom up. I love my job because all the results are from me picking my team and training them. I did all the groundwork and developed all these people.

Of course, there are people who always tell me why do you still work there, why don't you try to be something else, go use your degree. I will not lie, I have thought about all that before, but I get all my benefits, paid vacation, and an increase of pay every year. My 401K is being matched by 3 percent every year. I love my boss, not only does he help me grow as a person but as a manager. Mostly everyone hates this job except me, and yes, I could probably be working somewhere where I can get weekends off.

Honestly, I don't think I could work somewhere as challenging as this place. This is something I have never done before and yet also something I have not excelled at yet. I love to be changed and I love that my ideas and my thoughts are taken into consideration. Is this something I want to do for the rest of my life? IDK, but it's something that has challenged and helped me improve not only for the day I get the courage to apply for the FBI, but for me as a decent human being.