The Dragon Beside Me

Most of us have had someone in our lives that stand out among every one else. Someone who shines so bright and dulls everything else around them. For me, it was my grandmother. Strong, resilient, loving. She was the opitime of all that I ever wanted to be. My grandmother who grew up in the fifties who stated "I burned my bra" when I asked what she was doing back then, was the best person. You could say I'm biased considering she is my family, but overall, she was the only family I ever really had.

I was born to two teenagers who had no business having children. I grew up with drug and alcohol abuse and abandonment, but can you guess who was always there? That's right. My nana. She was always there when I needed somewhere to go, something to eat, clothes to wear, things for school. She worked so hard until her body could no longer work. She raised not only her five kids but also most of her grandchildren. She never had a break in her seventy-one years of being on this earth. She worried constantly about how she could help someone even if it left her with nothing. She gave all she had to any one who needed it. Which also meant she was taken advantage of by people who should've been doing for her instead.

My grandmother never gave up. She was the sweetest person, yet she was a whole mama bear when it came to her family. She wasn't scared of anything. Not even death. She was a woman who lost her mother and lived with that pain for over a decade along with siblings. A woman who lost her son to suicide a year before she passed. I watched her, up at that tv screen. So close, she could've blown the dust away with her breath. She was a woman who was almost completely blind and deaf. She could barely walk, but she was the most determined lady I have ever met. If she wanted to do something, no body could stop her.

There were many times when I had no food, no place to stay as a teenager and she was always there. She was also so goofy and fun. To me, she was the most badass old woman. Not only did she get arrested for selling drugs in the 80's to support her kids, but she also got her eye brow pierced on her fiftieth birthday. Although, she did tell me once that she tried to get a tattoo and they put a dot and she backed out. Which we laughed over.

I wish I had grown up faster so I could do more for her. To help her and give her some peace before she passed. She never knew peace. At her age, she should've been able to sit and watch tv and relax; instead she was consistently worried by her grown children.

She was so supportive of anything we wanted to do. She loved my crochet projects and loved hearing me sing. She loved my three children more than she loved herself.

She was a woman who despite wanting to go home to pass peacefully underwent dialysis against her wishes to appease her family. When she finally decided that enough was enough, she never had to explain her decision to me. As much as I hated the idea of losing her, she had been ready for years and I felt that I needed to respect her decision. She was tired. She had lived a hard life and was ready to go up to heaven and see her mom again.

Two days before she passed, I saw her and recorded her telling me she loved me. The last time I ever heard her voice in person. I listen to that video all the time.

The day she passed was the hardest day of my life. The woman that did everything to make sure I felt any ounce of love and care was gone. The only person to ever tell me she was proud of me and loved me often. I'll never have one of her comforting hugs and "sugars" again.

I miss her every second of everyday. The woman who loved purple and butterflies and BINGO. When I think of her up there, she's finally hitting that jackpot and she's no longer in pain. She's with her mom, sister, son, and husband. She's happy.

My grandmother is my greatest inspiration. I say "is" because even though shes gone, her lessons, love, and care will live on in me until I'm reunited with her again some day. She is the ultimate Dragon Beside Me.

Patsy J Garland

9/17/1951 - 01/05/2023

I love you!