The Day I Lost My Mother

I was only 11 years old when one moment changed my life forever.

Who knew life would become so difficult and challenging? I wish I could have foreseen the things I am going through now when I was younger. I am not sure if I would have made the same decisions that led me to where I currently am in life.

One thing I can say is that certain things I have been through have definitely made me a stronger person. Yes, it may have changed me into someone I do not always like, as I have lost some good parts of myself along the way.

So, how did I get to where I am?

Well, that is a long story. I do not even know where to start. Maybe I should start with what I can remember from my childhood days, although some of those memories have faded.

At the age of 11 or 12 years old, I went through a significant loss. I lost my mum in a family car accident while we were travelling back from the farm during the Easter holidays.

Two bikers were testing out their new bikes while travelling from the suburb back toward the farm, and they ended up crashing into us.

The strange thing was that we eventually found out one of the bikers was actually my mum’s cousin.

How many accidents do you hear about where family crashes into family?

My mum was driving, and somehow she managed to keep the car on the road after both bikes hit us one after the other. We were travelling on a narrow road where, if you looked down the hill, you could not even see the bottom.

She also took most of the impact.

In the car was me, my dad, my sister, my baby brother, and my cousin. In the front seat was my mum’s sister. My dad was holding my 5-month-old brother in his arms when the accident happened.

After everything settled, I somehow ended up outside the car with my sister. My dad and brother were also out of the car when I woke up, along with my aunt and cousin.

Luckily, the road was busy that day, and there were other vehicles there to assist us. I am forever grateful to those people.

My dad eventually contacted my mum’s family, and they all rushed to the scene. One thing about my mum’s family was that they would drop whatever they were doing to be there for one another, and I loved that.

We eventually found out that both bikers died on impact.

At the scene, we also discovered that one of them was my mum’s cousin.

I remember my baby brother was not moving or crying. Everyone kept passing him from person to person, trying to get him to cry or move just to show he was okay.

My mum was still trapped in the car, and my sister was lying on the road unable to stand up.

I remember we had taken food from my mum’s family that day so that no one would need to cook when we got home. During the accident, I somehow ended up covered in all the food — in my hair and all over my clothes.

I remember my head felt like someone was drilling into my skull.

My aunt and cousin seemed physically okay, just shocked.

Then someone gave me my baby brother to hold, and the moment he was placed in my arms, he started screaming and crying.

You could see the relief on everyone’s faces.

Eventually, the ambulances arrived. Me, my sister, my brother, my mum’s younger sister — who was not in the accident — and my baby brother were put into one ambulance.

My mum and dad were placed into another.

I remember on the way to the hospital, my parents’ ambulance stopped because my mum was having difficulties, but eventually it started moving again.

When we arrived at the hospital, my mum was rushed away immediately.

The doctors checked me, my sister, and my brother. I was found to be mostly okay besides a deep cut on my middle finger and a dent on my forehead. My sister had broken her leg in two places, and my baby brother also seemed okay.

My dad came to check on us. He was mostly okay besides a deep cut between his eyes caused by his glasses breaking and slicing his face.

My mum was in ICU because of how severe her injuries were.

I remember asking how she was, but everyone either avoided answering me or ignored the question completely.

Eventually, I sensed something was wrong because a doctor came and spoke to my dad and my mum’s younger sister.

Their body language and facial expressions changed immediately.

My dad became angry and started crying, and my aunt started crying too.

I remember one of my mum’s cousins walking out of the hospital punching the walls, shouting and screaming.

I think a part of me already knew what had happened, but I still wanted someone to say it out loud.

Everyone looked devastated, sad, and broken.

I eventually found out that my mum had passed away when they moved her from the ambulance bed to the hospital bed to treat her. Her ribs had broken, and one of them had punctured her heart.

Before all of this happened, while we were still at the farm, I had been collecting raffle money from my mum’s family.

Before we left, I had given the money to my mum to keep safe for me.

Before she died, she gave the money to the doctor and asked him to give it back to me.

That memory has stayed with me for the rest of my life.

This was one of the worst things I ever went through as a child — losing my mum.

What made it even worse was that weeks before the accident, I had asked both my parents a question that I still carry with me even as an adult.

I asked them individually if one of them died, would the other ever get married again.

I have regretted asking that question ever since because part of me felt like I somehow called this tragedy into existence just by being curious.

That is a pain and guilt I carried with me throughout my life and into adulthood.

Even now, years later, I am still learning how to live with a loss that changed me forever.