Square PEGgy...doesn't fit in

How many hills must I climb to be noticed, appreciated, regaled in this human society? As a female minority, all obstacles are against me. I’ve been striving but getting knocked down and back all of my life to this point. They say if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere, but, having been here for almost fifty years, I still don’t feel “made” yet, and I don’t know how much more my body, mind or spirit can take.

As a Fitness Specialist, I became a local-household name. My classes had signup sheets, because they were always filled. My Personal Training clientele was numerous, and I had a waiting list for whenever slots opened up for any reason – travel, sickness, injury, surgery, even death. People were drawn to me because every class, every session was a show.

From when I was a kid, I would dream of the ocean. I’ve always wanted to live by the water, but it had to be an ocean…not a lake, river, stream nor pond. The vastness and peacefulness of the ocean waves crashing is what would calm my spirit in almost any stressful situation, because I knew that was where I was going to live…eventually.

When the facilities where I worked had to shut down, due to a global threat, my professional and personal life came to a screeching halt. It felt like someone turned off the light switch to my world. This scenario made me empathetic with blind people and others who had to live with less than I had. In a way, the global threat opened my eyes to what I had taken for granted. This happens in someone’s life every day. “Born to die” is a Marine Corp battle chant, but it applies to us all.

I began to adapt, adjust and overcome the situation by working from home – doing live-virtual classes. I also did virtual and in-home Personal Training. I already had two Massage Therapy certifications. So, I started utilizing those, as well. I lived between the facilities where I worked. So, people had easy access to me, or I would go to them.

Although money was being made and wanna-be healthy lives were being serviced, there was still something missing. The ocean. I had been on an eight-year roll when the global threat happened. I began to think it was a sign for me to go an experience life the way I had dreamed of since I was a child – by the ocean.

I began to research opportunities on both southern coastlines to see where my skillsets could do the most good. After a month of looking into work and real estate options, the emails started popping and the phone started ringing. The problem was, on both coastlines, my reputation did not precede me. Thus, I had another hill to climb.

Although I had a website, social media pages, countless professional and personal references and letters of recommendations, I was still receiving offers as if I had little-to-no experience. I even visited both coastlines to meet with potential employers. It was money well-spent, because I got to see how each coastline operates. There were a lot of similarities to the way things were in New York, but there were some vast differences.

When you live in warm weather, year-round, your need to be indoors is minimalized compared to the winters in the upper east coast and mid-west. So, if you don’t have (or grow fast) a group of followers, it’s not as easy to build clientele and class attendance numbers in those climates. Daily you must catch the crowds early or late – before work and school or after. The weekend crowds are mornings only. After that, tumbleweeds.

After weighing the pros and cons of staying where I had been for almost fifty years or moving to a warmer climate and starting fresh, I’d made the decision. I accepted a position on the east coast because it was closer to home, and family and friends were more likely to visit. I just knew, in my heart, that I was going to build a new life with new friends, extended family, like-minded coworkers, and, above all else, be near the ocean. My dream lifestyle was coming to…

There was no reception for me. I was introduced as if I were a rookie coming in to take somebody’s slot on the team. Sure. They shook hands and smiled at me, but I could feel the tension in the air on the first day. The first class I covered was for an instructor who-like I used to-would have a waiting list of people to get in there. That number, which was usually around forty, was only seventeen for me, because they knew the original instructor was not going to be there, and they had built a community with her. I taught a great class, and the participants thanked me for the great workout, but it didn’t have the same “juice”. It was still the first week, but I’d already started to have my doubts about my decision to leave home.

Over the next few months, things got a little better. I’d spend most of my free time riding my bike along the coast and enjoying the ocean, but I had very few friends down there to share it with, and they were all married with children. So, finding time to hang with them was hard to come by.

Plus, I’d left someone in New York, who the flame was still “lit” for, but she didn’t want to move yet. Even though her marketing career was really flourishing, I was still hoping to bring her down once I got things established. I didn’t realize how hard it was to start all-the-way over. I was starting to feel powerless…depressed.

In New York, when I’d wake up, the alarm clock barely finishes ringing before I’m on my feet - like the eagerness of a child with new toys under the tree on Christmas morning. After months of struggling to feel like “me”, when that alarm would sound, I’d sit on the side of the bed, pray, sigh…then stand to start my day. “Ssssss” was the sound of air coming out of my balloon.

I don’t believe I was homesick, but I did long for home. The difference? Even though the coastline people were starting to warm up to my style of teaching and training, it just never felt the same. What I loved was starting to feel like a job. I still liked it, but I didn’t love it…there. My mood began to affect the “show”, and my decreasing numbers - that I had built up - were reflecting it. More members were not renewing their personal training packages with me either. One member wanted to switch to a male trainer, so she would be pushed enough to see some results. I was devastated. I knew my days there were numbered. I was right.

As much as I loved being near the ocean, it just wasn’t fulfilling anymore. So, I began looking into what it would take for me to come back to New York. I had many long conversations with my partner, family and a few close friends, and all of them said they would welcome me back with open arms. Prodigal Instructor.

In the end, I learned valuable lessons. It’s better to do what you love with the people you love to do it with. Don’t take them for granted. Sooner or later we all won’t wake up. So live while you’re alive (Bon Jovi reference), and I’m alive when I’m around the people and places that made me who I am today! I am the “Square Peg”, and it’s great to be back in the block!