Returning to Vocal

Hello world of Vocal. It's been a while. Two years actually. Man, it feels weird to be back.

Just to warn you, I will be moaning a lot in this short post. Because I am fed up, my mental health is plumating and I am pissed off.

I took a break from Vocal, for many reasons, mainly because my personal life was getting worse and it was so disheartening to be earning virtually nothing on here, despite constantly posting. My life is still awful, but I am struggling to even pay for food right now, let alone my rent, etc, so I thought I'd give this place one final chance.

Although, I must admit, it sucks that you can no longer enter competitions unless you pay for a Vocal+ Membership... that's so unfair for people like me who have no money. Not that I ever won any competitions before, when they were open to anyone, but still... Not cool Vocal, not cool.

In my 2 years away, I've earned pittance for all my old posts, despite people actually still actively reading them. Literally a couple of dollars... in 2 years! Disgusting.

That is mainly why I'm not sure how long I will actually be back on here. I used to adulate this site to people, but now, I'm actually thinking of just deleting my account and not bothering. There is no incentive to stay, unless you're a plus member, which as previously mentioned, I cannot afford to be. I love writing, I really do, but I've given up my dream of becoming a writer. Because even though I have a Masters Degree in writing, there are no jobs out there for people like me. Writing on here used to bring me so much joy, and was a nice second best, but now? I think I have a lot of thinking to do about my position here.

Even my daily life is horrible right now. My health is deterioirating. I'm under 30 and it looks like I have MS - just waiting on the doctors' decision after lots of tests. I recently had a bleed on the brain, which saw me spending time in hospital. My nan died at the beginning of this year - we were really close and that broke me. I'm looking for a new job, as my current one has ruined what little I had left of my mental health - but there are hardly any jobs out there. My depression is getting worse. Relationships are strained. My partner's mother has suddenly decided that she doesn't like me and is always making digs and trying to put a wedge between my partner and I. Plus, having no money means I'm not really eating, don't have accsess to online much - making it harder to find a job, have hardly any clothes, and trust me, I need some! Mine are falling apart.

I'm doing everything I can to try and get some money together. I've been shoort on rent for the past 4 months, and this month is not looking any better. I can't afford a phone, internet or anything. In fact, even as I write this I'm using my friend's laptop and his wifi. I've been trying to sell stuff on Vinted and eBay, including stuff I really don't want to get rid of, but needs must. I even looked into selling feet pictures (Yes, I am that desperate), but it is no where near as easy as people make out online. If I had more confidence, I'd try my hand at TikTok or something, but there is no way my anxiety would be able to cope with that.

It's so hard out here; just trying to survive in a world that is trying to make you fail. I hate it.

So yeah, if you'd like to help a struggling writer out, please view my stories on here to try and get the views in, so it can go up by a few pennys. Every little helps right now.

I'll try and get back to writing more content over the next few days. Even though it all feels pretty pointless.

Thanks