Reasons For Reading

As The New Kid

Everyone has their own reason for reading. Some to study, some for leisure, and so on. But as the “new kid” growing up; Always in a new school with new people who knew everyone and where no one knew me. I turned to the characters in my favorite books. On the bus rides to and from school were typically the worst in every way, shape and form. From bullying to loneliness to pure fear at some points. Characters like Hermonie Granger, Jace Wayland etc. were the ones who kept the quiet not so deafening. Yet while I might not have been one of those kids whose parents tucked them in with a good story or adventure to drift off to, I did know how to emphasize my independence and go on those adventures solo.

Finding My Dream In A Coping Mechanism

I never knew what reading would mean to me until quite a late age. But in a way I feel that’s the reason I was so drawn to the concept of literacy. I appreciated it in ways most peers my age took it for granted because it was such a big outlet and safe space when I needed them. Classmates in middle school dreaded the reading assignments and were repeatedly being told to catch up, while in the side/back row. There I was already dozens of chapters ahead. (If not, already onto another book.)

One night I had forgotten my books at home and was staying with a stepfamily member overnight. I was miserable for the first few hours after realizing not only were I not going to find out what was in the cave, and why Jensen couldn’t see Ella, but I also came to the realization that I was without a doubt hiding behind my books. The worst part. I was perfectly content with that realization. Looking back now, I know it’s not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it was what it was. So, then I had an idea, for now I could write my own version of the story! There wasn’t a way for me in that moment to get the book so I could actually read it. There for, that night; the author in me was born. Not only did I read nonstop, but I wrote down every and anything.

All that reading then turned into wanting to make worlds and characters of my own. To take as many people as possible on the adventures my imagination held. (And there are a lot). So here I sit, writing reasons reading and books were basically the lifeline that pulled me out of being another teen in juvenile hall, or suffering from early on depression. And I cannot for the life of me seem to start (and continue) to write about something that has my mind saying- that’s it! I gave the whole fictional/novel angle a break and tried blogging. Now I am very creative in DIY and so on but to me, (and nothing at all against those who write about that stuff. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know what I do.) Writing about something that matters is important. I have plenty of ideas, and in my opinion meaningful angles. Just none that click with me and want it as my niche, or something I think I could do as a niche seems over-written about or not enough article/blog topics in my mind at the moment. So that’s my dilemma.

Maybe it’s just me, maybe every writer starting out goes through similar, maybe I’m just not cut out for it. (Which I’ve been told) and still refuse to allow that as a reason. But why is it so difficult to just be at peace with a written piece. (pun intended). With all the books I have read under my belt and pre-written articles in my documents not to mention the full journals I have had since age twelve, it still seems like an impossible task to just get what I want out as who i am, as a writer/author.

I’m Still Learning

I write this with the hopes that many of you have had similar roadblocks. If so, I’d love to hear about them, every part of it, how/if you were stuck, what you were stuck on. What got you out of that rut or are you still in it? This is a whim article/blog. Probably the only non-structured or thought-out piece I’ve written. Thought I doubt it, maybe that’s exactly what I was needing. To just do it. Write my first post and get it out there. (One can hope, right?)

In that sense, I’m hoping this wasn’t too unorthodox and can only hope that it was even just the teeniest bit enjoyable, if anything relatable. Being a writer is something I want more than I’ve ever wanted anything. To help as many of the kids trying to find themselves in a world that seems to know you before you know yourself. To be that friend to the kid who dreads lunch because something as trivial as picking where to sit is something that can have you dreading it as you go to sleep the night before, on repeat. Basically, to just let that kid, any kid really, know it gets better. It gets easier. Even if they don’t know or believe it at this point, my goal is through my characters, words and world is to just make them hope for it. Even just a miniscule of hope can lead to opening the eyes and actually finding it. With courageous characters or ideas for what life path someone may want or already be and just not know it. As with me Literacy wasn’t something I picked, Literacy picked me which then birthed an inspiring and hopeful author.