Poems of my soul

page 5 my life

mean friends

sexual encounters

ex boyfriends

coaches yelling

my high school experience

Page 26 screaming

The crack in my voice

I vividly remember you yelling

whenever things went wrong

you would always apologize after

this is what I remember

Page 17 young self

I am nine years old.

in class

ans this is considered

sacred

But you didn't prepare us

for what could happen

what might happen

I'm 17 years old

in the back of a car

this is all new to me

sex

something that means nothing

Page 38 self worth

how fat I really am

how critical I am of myself

I critical I am of others

How stressed I really am

How much of a perfectionist I am

How hard I am on myself

How much I actually hurt

why would I tell them

they don't want to know

they have their own stuff going on

Page 49 blood

Ignored

the 3 of us

1st there were two

then there was 3

and now there are

4

Attention

not me

worry

that's what

I be

take care of me

no

take care of her

that's

on

me

page 500 telepathy

some days i wish

we would have been twins

it makes me wonder

if we would have been

closer

if we were born

the same day

everyone mistakes us for that

because we look so much

alike

but

we used to hate hearing that

I used to get annoyed

always wanted to change my hair

I would do everything to look

different than you

I was trying to find my own identity

my own way in the world

but now I love it, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside

I love when someone says I looke like you

it makes me feel pretty

because you are too

Part 2

Ive lost my confidence since high school

some say the world gets to you

and everything changes

you start to overthink but

it makes me wonder

is it because I was the older sister

well I am the older sister

it feels like my younger self never got to live

my little self never got to cheer myself on

because I was always worried about someone else

Part 3

I was taught these things but

I am really trying to change

reprogram my brain to not be so controlling

not be so worried, not have so much anxiety

only worry about myself

I was yelled at for not worrying about someone else

then yelled at for not worrying about myself

shit was confusing at a young age

I'm still trying to figure it out

Page 222 A boyfriend

what's it like

always havings someone

company all the time

a hand to hold

lips to kiss

arms that wrap around

I've never had that

i don't know if I ever will

somedays it makes me sad

I don't want to get my hopes up

and get it ripped away

It freaks me out

when a guy is nice

why

I don't know why

what does this mean?

Is something wrong with me?

Page 423 right now

It makes me sad to think about everyone is moving on

like life is at a stand still and I have to say good bye

I am at this weird point in my life

where I feels so stagnent

but as if I am doing too much and not enough all at the same time

I am trying to figure out my next move

where should I go next

what should I do next

I have to be more disciplined and consistency