Memories: 8 December 2023

8 December 2023

https://youtu.be/dJ-jrQ4vCBE?si=yvQ5z5K60SLX70dL

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9:32 pm a very strange thing just happened. I was filling my plastic jug in the bathroom sink, for rinsing it out. I heard the water running, (I was writing up my bladder diary) I heard the pipe go bang, then the water turned itself off.

I went over to the sink, turned off the tap. Then turned it back on to see if it happened again. It didn’t. Weird!

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9:38pm

8 December 2022

The moon is already waning (zenith was at 2:30 pm today) but the sky is so pretty and clear tonight.

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Mama T of Titania’s Realm got busy playing with fire this arvo! I seasoned three crucibles.

The top one I re-seasoned as I had attempted to melt copper in it to no avail so it burnt off most of its seasoning. (borax!) that one is an epic fail but I will keep it until I can afford a Little Smith torch set up and then I might try to melt copper again 🙂

The other two are not used yet. One will be for melting silver and the other will be for gold.

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Me… beware my Wolf…I can barely contain her. Perhaps I should stop and let her have her way. She is wiser than I! Much much wiser.

8 December 2021

2:35 pm home just in time before a massive storm hits. I felt in an altered state, driving out of Greenslopes mall Car park. Skies all ominous and black. But it’s been a hellishly humid day so I welcome the release of the rain!

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12:40 pm Car is ready! Off I go again!

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Thank god and my goddess earth Angel for the air conditioning. Lathered in sweat with cool air blowing on me is…heavenly.

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11:26 am by the gods this has been arduous. My lungs are struggling like a whelping wet nursing bitch of a dozen or so puppies. Too hot and I never realise or accept how damaged my lungs are, until I walk anywhere. FFS.

It’s taken me 50 minutes to get home. On the walk I saw a dead ringtail possum, a dead bird and going past Cavendish Road State High School the unmistakeable stench of death (unseen animal in the bushes) and the stench of formaldehyde and psychic vampirism that is our education system.

A stark reminder of all I have survived so far. God. It’s astounding! I am like a little homing pigeon. I can’t wait to get home!

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Walking home from the mechanic on Logan road. Going Up Abbotsleigh street. I have decided to grab a coffee and a toasted sandwich to gift me fortitude for my walk.

It’s humid and downright sticky…I have never been to the Holland Park Sports club before. I have lived in HP for 18 and a half years. How quaint! I wonder what new discoveries I might meet on my Walk?

I am watching a toddler meandering around intrepidly. He has fallen a few times but gets back up and toddles on. His mother distracted by her phone. I sit here smiling. The kid is fine but it’s kind of delightful watching him navigate the grassy area.

8 December 2020

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The contractor just left. Fixed the door so it can close again. Very lovely, kind man. Says if I can live with floor as it is, it will be better as it will cost $2-3 K to replace. I said I am fine with that but wanted to at least do the right thing.

I showed him how the kitchen floor was actually laid in various sections so that is how the water gets in. It was a terrible job done in first instance. He took photos to show them back at the office.

He says if the Lino starts to lift it can be a hazard as the edges are very sharp and can cause injury. So if it gets worse just nail it down with flat head nails. I said I would do that.

So I am happy and relieved and hoping for the best outcome, after he puts in his report.

Oddly we were talking about termite infestations then I found some in my bird bath. Another thing I will have to keep an eye on.

He said when they used to do termite control they used arsenic (which would explain my guinea pigs and kittens being born stillborn with terrible birth deformities).

But now they use a water based one that they have to repeat every two years at a cost of $4K each time.

I said if we didn’t have all these monstrous housing developers mowing down every tree we would not have such bad termite problems! Or such terrible climate change as well.

Even the bugs need to eat!

Anyway, so far so good..back to my creativity and happiness which I manufacture each day out of my absurdist life. He was a kind man! He says “you be Happy Tanya it’s the best revenge!” I agreed wholeheartedly.

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Yesterday in the midst of a thunder storm that eerily produced no wind but a good splash of electrified rain..I made paper.

It looks a bit weird as I threw dried rose petals in it. But it will do for my benefit.

Recycling all the scraps of paper left over from all the decoupage! Those trees that were slaughtered to make paper shall not be wasted, not on my watch!

It’s a lot of work but very satisfying.

8 December 2019

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@ Jackpot Dining,

waiting on dinner after a fantastic evening of wild tribal dancing at the Ecstatic Dance Porangui concert.

Happy exhausted but hungry Mama T here. Oh my. Life is good.

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Humans are disgusting creatures. I hope we stop this carnage and learn to live harmoniously with all Sentient (and non-sentient!) life forms. Otherwise we all deserve to die. Gaia will heal herself for her beloved innocent “children”

8 December 2018

I had a wonderful night. Ecstatic Dance was just gorgeous. Then later at the casino I had a good night too. (A respite from that ignoble predator creep!)

I have just arrived home and am in bed at last. 3:02 am. I think after all that dancing and the beautiful sound healing and then more dancing, I shall sleep well this morning.

I set an intention to allow only authentic loves in my life and let go of shadow false men who only want to hurt me.

So I look forward to a safer saner 2019 and maybe the gods will finally bless me with a faithful loving partner. In the meantime I will continue to manifest joy and weave my own personal magic and keep dancing.

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I got to thinking that on 1st Jan 2019 I will have been single for 24 years. It has only been 8 years 9 months since my mother died and only 2 and a half years since I reclaimed my mind and went off my psych meds.

Freedom! Freedom is my most precious value. It has cost me Love relationships, family, friendships, prosperity and even peace. But it was worth it!

Even in the abject horror and agony.

Oh it’s been marvellous not having the chronic tooth and tmj nerve pain I had for the last 3 summers.

I am beginning to flourish again. It’s a long slow process, but it’s worth it.

A miracle actually!

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I am so grateful and happy for my tribe at Ecstatic Dance last night. I was gifted with so much unconditional love and respect and generousity of spirit. The sound healing with the singing bowls performed by Eleni felt incredible.

The glass sounds echoed and reverberated through my entire body. I felt it working on my liver and gall stones. They even resisted with a sharp pain but I breathed it out and let the sound heal my emotional body as well.

I was smiling then at one time felt like crying. But I breathed through it and let joy and love and purity cleanse me and permeate my body.

I had trouble getting up (my back begrudges lying on the floor) but it soon recalibrated and off! I went to the casino to quite miraculously dance for another 4 hours.

Until I was so exhausted, my arm did a weird palsied thing and my fingers on my left hand seized up. So I rubbed my arm and hand and briefly wondered if I might be about to have a stroke but breathed through it. Patiently, waiting for the dead arm to revive itself. It did.

A signal from my higher self to go get a pie to eat (had not eaten) and drive home. Which I did. I ate the pie in the park, thereby avoiding my friend George who parlays information for that dead love affair with Dave, so I was not interested in more upsets.

It was enough that Dave’s weird friend Stan still watched me all night to “spy”. Wow! Dickheads, innit? All they see is a woman in full light body activation (and often trauma activation too) mode, enjoying her life then going home alone to my animals.

It must really annoy them that I am both Alive, relatively healthy, and Free. Haha.

The best revenge is Happiness. Owning back your own body, mind and soul and living in such a way that brings you infinite joy and exponential growth. Maintaining your integrity and locus in a world gone mad with desire for possessions and power. It is not an easy thing to achieve but I am getting there.

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This year has been one of the most spiritually powerful, beautiful years of my life. So much was brought back to me. So many revelations and tying up of loose ends, even forgiveness and so much love.

In January my daughter came back from the UK. My ex husband’s nephew and family came to visit me. They migrated here only 6 weeks ago.

From February until now I was “visited” by former suitors or admirers (and a few casual lovers) at the casino Staring or leering from across the Dance floor at the LiveWire bar. Hell, one even still has his friends spy on me. Unwilling to completely let me go and be free of their clawing strangling false love.

I wonder why?! Ah yes, they seek power and control and cannot comprehend that The Tanya cannot/will not be their possession. Raised by psychopaths I have already done my apprenticeship of pain for over 5 decades of what it means to live with fake lovers and fake family. I have outlived all of my most powerful vicious controllers. Suffer in Ye Jocks, boys!

But I must transmute and forgive. In their eyes I am a creature that many have never seen before. A woman who holds her own in any company and generates her own inner source of power by maintaining her integrity even under duress, in anxiety, in trauma. Who finds laughter and love in spite of her Self. Who overcomes against the odds and still Dances.

Immutable. Hated and scorned by the ignorant, the vain and the envious.

Loved and protected by the beautiful brave souls that See me in all my glorious Becoming.

I am so grateful for my life and all the beautiful souls that uphold me and keep me precious! God bless you and keep you. You give me comfort and strength and encourage me in my life that has always been highly fraught, unusual and blessed.

Thank you. I love you.

8 December 2017

I will be celebrating my life by dancing tonight!

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A wonderful and deliciously cooling storm just blew through chez moi at Sacred Space. It was extremely windy but we got some soothing rain!

No wonder my meridians were twanging last night and I had insomnia. That along with my anxiety about the car being serviced.

I can chill the fuck out now. Thank you Multiverses (HaShem/Schechinah)for conspiring to love and protect me! I was home in time to pull the remainder of the washing off the line, bring Charlie back inside and bring Beauregard inside. He would have freaked out being left outside during that brief but intense storm!

I feel blessed and happy and grateful!

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I need new wiper blades on front and rear. They wanted $66. I can do that myself.

I need to find $500 in another 3-5000 kms for new rear brake pads. Need 3 new tyres soon also. (I will buy secondhand ones). So the next main expense will be the brake pads. Oh well. Cars need constant maintenance and I have had a good 5 year run out of it.

Going to pick up the car soon!

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I managed 3 hours staccato sleep! Staccato because I had to keep hitting the snooze button for the last hour as I was bloody exhausted.

But awake now. I have to get up and get ready to take the car in at 9.30am. I can do this! Yeah!

PS Anxiety about Mazda Service dept unfounded. I was welcomed and escorted into the driveway (a tad bizarre but nice!) Their staff member was pleasant and I am getting the shuttle to Garden city so I can look at the shops. Bus back home then head back to Garbo to be picked up at 2.30. Hmm. Or I could just stay at Garbo that whole time? I shall see how my mood takes me.

Car service is a lot cheaper than the previous owners of the franchise charged me. So I am both relieved and content!

Oh wow. the courtesy bus driver took me straight home and will pick me up at 2.30pm. Yayyy! That is awesome.

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Insomnia! Been lying here for 3 hours. Brain won’t shut off. Annoying! How am I gonna get to Mazda when I am exhausted?

8 December 2016

The truth sets me free. It seems I have revealed too much. Another one bites the dust. Such is life.

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I had a lovely afternoon with Lyn and Peter. Beauregard is so tired tonight after being rather pesky. He enjoyed playing with Aaliyah and Puppy.

I took my old boots to Trambas in the hope they might be able to copy them. The owner kept one boot but made me no promises as he doesn't usually make stilettoes.

Damn… It was worth a try though, as I loved those boots so much. So I guess I will hang the remaining one back up in the tree.

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8 December 2015

I had a lovely afternoon and evening. Lyn visited. We sat in the garden surrounded by my crow family who were very attentive.

Then Jarrod visited with little Harvey who had intense jealousy about Beauregard but although snarling at him, thankfully did not try to hurt him. Bobo was very cute, crawling over to Harvey, begging him to accept and adore him.

Jarrod shouted us pizza and we lay in the hammocks with 2 very pampered pooches with us. We listened to music on Spotify. Crystal skyped us as well. She was very sick and rundown and has been working as an elf for 12 hours shifts with only a half hour break.

Totally exploited. So much for Christmas with peace and goodwill to all. For the seasonal workers it is practically white slavery. Nothing she can do but keep working so she can get herself to London on 29th December.

I am still battling fatigue but slept until 1 pm today. Bobo and I got up at 9 am then I went back to bed and so did he. Such a good puppy.

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I was so exhausted today. I kept falling asleep. Very hot day. Now It is beginning to cool down I am up out of bed. Beau slept too. He will be full of energy this arvo.

8 December 2014

Sitting in my car during the storm, outside Crystal's class at Paddington. Full on! No hail yet.

Corena Bohm: Hopefully you dodge the Hail Tanya!!

Me: Yeah. I worry about my car but it's insured.

Corena: Still it wouldn't be to good driving in it!!

Me: Yeah, i am gonna stay in my car and have a snooze.

CB: I'll cross my fingers and hope you get home safe!!!

Me: It passed over quickly. I had a good snooze lol.

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I had a lovely afternoon with Crystal. I slept in the car during the storm but she came to get me to watch her students perform their clown show.

Then we went back to her place for a yummy pavlova with fresh blueberries, strawberries, grapes and cream on top.

She took some lovely photos of me with Sookie la-la. Then she drove me home.

8 December 2013

3.09 am just got home. Cooking dinner.

8 December 2011

I have spent the afternoon singing loudly to my favourite Concrete Blonde CD. Nothing like hardcore grungy Rock to get the anger and frustration out in preparation for Battle tomorrow. ArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRR OFFICIAL VIKING WAR CRY! LOL

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If I had a rich Man I would Needle, doodle, idle all day long.... Then divorce him and run off with a younger fitter man! So I'm poor for a reason I guess but it's cool cos it cuts out the middle man and saves a whole lot of stress!

I want to be Rich on my own terms, by winning through a hard won Fight or if that fails by being rich in Love, wisdom, and Nobility.... $$$$$ are just a mere necessary accessory to my Life Quest.

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Just woke up after a 12 hour sleep. Pity about the Reflux and the constant waking or I would feel supremely well rested. As it is I feel just numb, calm and almost ready for tomorrow morning's Debacle.

I have called upon the Wrath of G-d. But last time I did that it took 15 years to see Him/her/it take action in the most surprising Way! So Patience....I can wait for Spectacular Results!!

My Earth Angels are loving and comforting me... Thanks Team! I have asked the Arch Angels to fight alongside of me and for me if I fall so I have pretty much covered every spiritual base! The rest is up to my Barrister and Lawyer!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons