Memories: 29 February 2024

29 February 2024

12:43 am I am struggling with intense insomnia tonight. Which is strange as I am exhausted and yet still worked all day, first making my regular YouTube videos then making a mould and casting a silver sacred heart (which failed!) so I went right back in and sawed out two hearts from scrap silver then polished them, soldered jump rings on them, stamped them, put LOS on them, polished them again and then ironically, after all that work, couldn’t find the other calaca earring to finish assembling them.

Then I watched tv for a short while but was unable to concentrate so about 11 pm I went to bed. Now I have been lying here with only a few snoozes and almost so energised I could go dancing. Lol.

I suppose it’s a form of hypomania as I have been very fatigued lately so pushing myself to get through each day, but tonight feels “spiritual” like SOMEONE is preparing my spirit for some new adventure.

I pray it’s something positive and wonderful. I hope I sleep soon as I am going to visit Ailsa at the aged care facility so I want to be functional to do that. It will be hard to see her bedbound and frail.

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I woke up this morning at 9:45 am fresh on the heels of a rather astonishing dream. I dreamt that I was living in a very large apartment with 6 bedrooms. The apartment felt like it was in Paris or New York. It had an older style of architecture. The bedrooms were large and roomy with made up double or queen beds ready for any guests, I suppose.

I was older than I am now, roughly in my 70s. I was standing in the living room, talking to two women. One was a cleaning lady and the other seemed to be a social worker or carer of some kind. We were chatting.

Suddenly there was a knock at my front door. I shuffled over to the door, in my characteristic old lady rolling gait (which I already do now when fatigued!) I opened the door and a young handsome very fit (stacked? He had abs!) pushed past me into my apartment.

I stood back in horror and loudly said “Who the hell are you?” He replied “I am gay and I have come to live with you. Don’t worry, I will look after you without any sexual agendas!”

He strode through my apartment and when he came to the last bedroom which was large and had a queen bed and windows overlooking the street he announced “This will be my room!” I replied “This is my home, not yours!”

But again he says calmly, “Look, see those cars lined up out there in the street? I am in danger. I need somewhere to live. You need someone to look after you. It’s the perfect solution”.

I shrugged like it was the most normal thing in the world. The carer/social worker woman says to me “You can’t let just anyone off the street come live with you, Tanya” I replied “”I know, but what do I need 5 empty bedrooms for, and he seems okay. I shuffle around all alone in this apartment. This might actually be a good thing. Besides I am dying, so it might not be a long arrangement. If he gets crazy I will get the police to remove him!”

The carer looks at me in horror and says “You’ve been dying a longgg time Tanya!” I reply “I know, right?! It’s been a long slow Death but I am old now and frankly one day it will happen…even to me, the Defiant One”.

Then I woke up. Ratih arrived and I was still barely synapsing but I told her my dream. I am going to visit my 94 year old friend Ailsa today and she is verily in the dying process. So that might have triggered that dream.

But home invasions, even from sweet protective gay men wishing to “look after” me will not be tolerated in real world applications. Mama T is no pushover lmao! Although I thought it was sweet how in the dream he promised he would not be a sexual threat to me. That’s refreshing!

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Hah! FOUND IT! It was stuck under my magnetic tool holder thingy. Phew! Gratitude to St Anthony /the fae for returning it to me so I can complete the job.

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I am back from visiting Ailsa with her son Peter. She was deeply asleep. There was a brief moment of panic as Peter thought she might have died but I touched her arms and said “She’s warm Peter, just sleeping”. We couldn’t rouse her but I said that is fine.

I held her hand by resting my hand on top of hers but it quickly felt too hot and clammy so I decided to leave her be. I am a tad disappointed we couldn’t wake her but at this stage of life, sleep is a great gift.

I told Peter I would be happy to visit her again next time he felt like bringing me along. I feel contented that I at least, got to see her again. The only icky thing was having to do a RAT test which immediately set me off in a fit of sneezing and my nose feels sore now. I must be allergic to whatever chemicals they put in those awful things.

Still in all, it was worth the discomfort to see Ailsa again. Peter played Elvis songs on the cd player for her. I was dreading “Muss I’ den” which came up after a few songs. My “trigger” song. Lol my skin literally crawled and I wanted to run out of there.

Peter sang along to it and sang quite melodiously so I just internally rocked myself until the song was over. Dear god and goddess.

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Mama T quit pfaffing around and went back in to make another casting. This one I made thicker and I believe it to be a success. Now the trick will be to create a second model just as successfully and to the same thickness. :-)

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8:10 pm lathered in sweat but I have completed filing off the rough edges. She now needs a hole drilled in the top (for a jumpring) I might attempt to flush set a stone in the centre hole one fine day. But I will need to learn how to do that on YouTube. I need to buy a bud burr and perhaps also a hart bur. It might be too great a challenge for my current skillset but I might just schwing it.

#titaniasrealm #courage #corazon #sterlingingsilvercastsacredheart #magickhappens #loveisthelaw #ImsotiredIcouldscream #screaminggggg #happiness #creativity #bliss #brisbaneartist #brisbane

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9:11 pm the rising moon is beautiful tonight. An Orange coloured luminary, at least until it gets above the pollution lol!

29 February 2020

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Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons